To go off sick? Would you in this situation?

[Bhuwilo]

I’m exhausted. That’s it really. Have a toddler and dh works away in the week. I despise the nursery run as I also work full time and the whole process of getting dd ready etc and in the car is exhausting. I used to love my career. I just want a few weeks off. I don’t mean annual leave (can’t do that as don’t have enough) but I mean a few weeks off trying to meet everyone’s needs but my own. A few weeks of dropping dd then focusing on myself. I’m so burnt out. Is this reasonable? Have you done it or would you?

Yeah I've done it..this time of year too but Dr would only sign me off for a week. It didn't fix anything really. In the end, partly due to circumstances and partly due to action we turned our whole lives upside down job/career wise for the sake of our mental, physical wellbeing and for DCs. It might be a case of some drastic changes to make things sustainable.

Yes I have taken time off for burnout / stress, and yes I think it's entirely acceptable to do so.

Four and a half months?

Genuine question, but didn't you feel eaten up with guilt?
Assuming it was your job that affected you so deeply, I think I'd have needed to leave and find something else.
I'm glad you're ok now though.

This this this. A simple recharge.
Or work part time!

Don't listen to @SunnyAugust

You want to go off sick, because you find it tiring getting your toddler ready, and out of the house in the morning ?

Amitriptylline is used to treat depression, which is a mental illness.

So a bit different to the OP, who possibly needs her husband home more often.

Could you use some time off to make some adjustments and or is it about catching up?
I'm must admit i do struggle with these posts as I really know burn out is a thing and it's not a race to the bottom...
however more context apart from nursery drop off and OH could help people suggest more to practically help you.

Not sure why so many people are being so unkind. Yes I feel overwhelmed never having a moment to myself all week while also working. Having free time at the weekend doesn’t make up for it. By the time I start work at 9am I’ve been up a few hours and changed nappies, made breakfasts, cleared up, struggled with getting her dressed and into the car. I just want it to stop for a bit.

That’s what most working parents do everyday.

This doesn't suggest actual burnout though, more the busy life of a working mum with a young child, whose husband isn't home very often to help.

Not really something your firm should have to suffer the consequences of.

I think you need to have a serious chat with your husband, rather than your doctor.

@Anoisagusaris most are not on their own with it though

It's funny you say she needs help from her husband @OhMyGollyGoshGosh as I was wondering what caused OP to start this thread on New Year's Eve.

I think OP is going through the ultimate 'Sunday night dread'. Christmas break is almost over and the usual routine of being a solo parent Monday to Friday will start again for her. She has probably done all the Christmas work in her house so doesn't feel rested and refreshed. She doesn't talk of needing to figure out what to do job wise in terms of hours or feeling stressed. She says she wants some 'me time' which implies she isn't getting any even when her husband is home. I think he rather than work might be the problem.

One thing that made a huge difference to us in the morning was to not do DC breakfast or get them dressed at home - instead we dropped them off slightly earlier, in PJs and they had breakfast once at nursery. Just a wake up, nappy change and into the car.

Now do the same for school other than they go dressed.

Cuts out quite a lot of the faff in the morning and gets everyone out earlier so can't get totally fried before even starting the day.

Ignore the haterz. A free month off is well deserved and plenty people do it. GP may be stingy and only offer 2 weeks but ask for 4. They're used to it.

@ButteryBiscuitBalonz thank you

Then you should hire a cleaner and help with your daughter. Or cut your hours so you have more free time. This doesn't sound like you are sick.

So you just wanted blind agreement and not practical solutions, op?

Even with a little holiday (as you're terming it yourself) you'll still have all your responsibilities, right? What will truly change for the better?

Oh God, the 'ignore the haterz' huns have arrived 🤦‍♀️

OP, it's obviously up to you what you do, but once your back at work if you don't change your homelife (which seems to be what's causing the problem), then you'll be looking for more time off again in the not too distant future.

This is not sustainable.

As you may guess by my username I have felt like that on occasion! 🤣

Honestly though, I don't think I would? I have considered getting signed off for stress in the last year or so (spending most weekends caring for a terminally ill parent, work as a teacher, 2 kids, husband works away during the week). But ultimately decided I wasn't sick and my time would be better off trying to find ways to make my life feel manageable.

I went part time - I only have a half day off a week but I make sure I do something just for myself in that time and that helps a bit. I make sure I go to the gym or for a run between finishing work and picking the kids up. Can you fit in anything like that? I know you said weekend time off doesn't help but realistically that is all most working parents get (and some of us don't even get that!)

I think if you went off sick for a bit what would actually change? You'd have a few weeks respite from the nursery run but then what?

I don't think it's wrong/a bad idea but I would caution, what's going to happen after your time off? Will you go straight back into the same routine and burnout again in a few months?
Yes you need to look after yourself in order to look after others so time off will help with that but its a temporary solution, you need to see what permanent changes you can make so that once you are feeling better and can breath again, you don't then end up back feeling like this

Are you expecting your employer to pay you to be off "sick" because you & your DH haven't split responsibilities at home fairly & you've taken on too much trying to do everything with a toddler AND work full time?

Ok if you are trying to ensure job protection while taking some form of unpaid leave to make changes, sort out different childcare, maybe swap job or get ducks in a row to reduce hours or something.

Not ok if you basically just want extra holiday you aren't entitled to, for "a break". Life with a toddler is hard. Very few manage full time work & one parent doing ALL the nursery runs. The answer is either DH to share the load, or for you to go part time.

Loads of people are on their own - single parents obviously but most parents I know, one takes morning to allow the other up go to work. so do everything you say alone.

If you are not sick - don’t take sick leave. Deal with the problem or it will still be there in 4 weeks. Surely when you had kids and/or your husband decided to work away, you knew it would be on you and ageed?

what is your husband doing to mitigate the issues? If him working away is not working then he needs to get a new job or you go part time or give it up. Nothing will be solved with a few weeks off sick.

Ignore the haterz. A free month off is well deserved and plenty people do it.

Complete bollocks. It is not common, i don't know anyone who has done this.

And this is exactly what's wrong with the UK today. Have a free month off, Hell make it 6, just because you can't cope with your own child.

Honestly it makes my skin crawl. Mental health issues such as bi-polar or schizophrenia and others deserve every sympathy. Being on the edge of a breakdown because you're getting a solitary toddler to nursery on your own is ridiculous. I frequently felt like I'd done ten rounds with Mike Tyson before starting my day's work. It was called being part of a dual professional couple with two small children and lots of other civic and social commitments. If every body got signed off for it, half the women in the land would be signed off sick. It beggars belief, lots of lone parents to more than one child manage on their own and they have the financial repercussions of that to deal with too!

Depends where you work. If its public sector then most people are on the make one way or another. I suggested 1 month, not 6 although its usually 6 on full pay.

Would you rather the OP went over the edge and ended up in a much worse position? I wouldnt. Of course you may argue that 1 month may be a slippery slope but who knows. Best to make use of the sickness policy if OP is in genuine need and GP is in agreement. We all have different tolerances to stress.