To go off sick? Would you in this situation?

[Bhuwilo]

I’m exhausted. That’s it really. Have a toddler and dh works away in the week. I despise the nursery run as I also work full time and the whole process of getting dd ready etc and in the car is exhausting. I used to love my career. I just want a few weeks off. I don’t mean annual leave (can’t do that as don’t have enough) but I mean a few weeks off trying to meet everyone’s needs but my own. A few weeks of dropping dd then focusing on myself. I’m so burnt out. Is this reasonable? Have you done it or would you?

I'd be really possed off if one of my colleagues did this.

I'm exhausted at times but I don't ring in sick. Also,from what you say, nothing would be resolved when you go back to work. Are you planning on doing this every few months?

You need a plan as to how you can manage better. Can you or your husband change your hours?

I'd absolutely do this. And no regrets.

Take the time you need.

I feel for you. This used to be me, getting my two into nursery then work a shit in the office, rush to pick them up, get them dinner into bed then sort myself. It's exhausting and if you have no time at all to yourself can lead to resentment and t exhaustion

I often see this being advised in another group I am in. While I see that it benefits the OP, my worry is how do you ever get back from it? Does it actually solve the issues? In the group I am in it seems people get signed off for months and hope to then find other jobs. Some do, but I do wonder whether anything much changes for the people that don't.

I guess taking time from work to avoid burn out implies that it is work causing the stress, and will that ever go?

Shout out to all the lone parents who work full time and don't have a DH to come home at weekends to help out.

Seriously if you need some time to focus on yourself I suggest you speak to your husband. He could take over completely at the weekend and let you have time to yourself. It's not for your work colleagues to cover your job while you have some me time (presumably on full pay?).

Do it, because you don't want to burn out right now, and your workplace and your family will be in a much worse place if you end up crashing out with a breakdown for an unknown amount of time. However, while you are off, work out a long term plan. If you are not coping with everything now, then there is a likelihood it's because you are not able to cope with as much as you have on, so you need a long-term plan for coping better. Maybe this needs to be less working hours, or more support at home. Using more childcare or employing a cleaner. Taking time off because you are burning out is fine. Organising your life so that you know you will burn out occasionally and know that other colleagues will just have to work harder to pick up the pieces when you do, is selfish.

I had a colleague like this until recently. Her sickness record was something else. It was difficult on the rest of us and can breed resentment.
I'm not saying for a minute that the OP would take the piss like she did, but there's only so far a person's understanding and compassion can stretch.

No not reasonable, the fact you have a busy life outside of work isn't your employer's problem. If you can't cope with full time you need to request part time hours or your dh needs to find another job so he's around.

This. It's not fair to let our lifestyle choices affect colleagues.

Is your DH work away long term? If so can he change or take more time off? I get it and a small kid is exhausting without the absent DH and FT job. Let’s not even talk about them bringing all sorts of viruses this time of the year on top of everything else

Sigh, people with this attitude are the problem.

You need to ‘grow up’ if you think burnout is just someone ‘throwing a sickie’. What a contemptible attitude.

Lets hope you never need support.

I would start with taking a midweek day off as annual leave and use the day to rest.
You might need less time off than you think. I would also see if your partner can take some more of the load to give you a break.
If you are feeling at risk of burn out I'd look at self certifying for a week

I have life long me mental illness and have needed to take time off occasionally to prevent burn out. If I can see it coming I book a days annual leave that week or the following week to recoup some energy to get through life. There have been times when I haven't been able to put in that day ahead of time and instead been sent home from work. There was one occasion where there was a lot of life drama going on and I broke down at work. My colleagues thought I would be off for a prolonged period but an afternoon of crying and sleeping was just what I needed and was back at work the next day - this was before I had my daughter though.

I would also look at your work pattern and if there are any adjustments that would make life easier. I work 4 days a week due to my mental health after having my daughter. I can't work more than two days in a row so I have Wednesday's off. This works for me, some weeks I can't do much on a Wednesday and need to recharge other days. I find prolonged periods off work sick makes my depression worse as the routine of work is beneficial which is why I'd go with the light touch in the first instance

I find spoon theory helpful for identifying when things are approaching crisis point. When I start most days with less spoons than I need to get through the basic things in the day I know that I either need more support or I need to cut back on what I try to do and that can involve taking time off work.

This bears repeating over and over.

Can you afford to take a sabbatical at all? Unpaid leave? Clearly something needs to give for your own wellbeing.

It sounds like your current workload isn't sustainable. Could you afford to drop hours?

You can’t just power through if you’re facing burnout. It’s serious and can be very bad for your long term health.

Anyone suggesting it’s cheeky or wrong to take time off work due to mental health related issues are living in the 80’s.

If you have reached the end of your resilience and are feeling emotionally unwell, yes you should and yiu shoukd make an appointment to see your GP for a full set of bloods to check there are no underlying issues.

Resilience varies from person to person.

I'm an HR Director BTW and would support your well-being

I hope you feel better soon.

I think you need to figure out where this feeling is coming from. On the face of it you are doing a normal amount of work, and even less than single parents do, so there might be something in addition that is causing you to feel burnt out that can be changed? Maybe you need a cleaner, food deliveries, time alone on the weekends, a babysitter one evening a week or all of the above.

If not, can you reduce your hours so that you have one day a week home alone whilst your child is at nursery?

I think you should take the time off. I really sympathise. I used to work full time hours over four days due to childcare costs. Throw in a long commute and I was close to burnout. All that really helped was reducing my hours. Working from home more has also helped. Plus my children getting older has also meant a bit more rest time. Life is too short. It's also not surprising that so many people are deciding against having children when this is the reality for so many parents. You have my sympathy!!

No, but OP is working FT with a young child which is utterly exhausting. Been there and got the T Shirt but IMO, it's unfair for her to go off sick.
That said, I worked in public service and it was clear that peoples' perception of sickness/entitlement was hugely varied.
Working FT with young children is like being on a hamster wheel; constantly running and feeling like you are getting nowhere but burnt out (unless you have optimal cc support). I constantly felt burnt out (as do many others) but I wasn't sick, it was a result of circumstances

I had burnout and was signed off for two weeks. It gave me an opportunity to completely re-evaluate and no, I didn't go back to the same level of stress. I reset.

Unless you have been in the situation, you shouldn't make assumptions.

Take the time off but it should be a last resort because you are on your arse not because you fancy a few days off.

I'm going to approach this from a different angle.
What does your work fund?
Can you live your life more cheaply?

Yeah go for it OP. 7 days self cert then ask GP for a month off. Lay it on thick. They'll prescribe meds you can just refuse and tell you to call local NHS talking service. Stick that number up your ass. Enjoy the 4 weeks chill time.

For more than 1w you need a fit note, which wouls be for mental health issues that you'd then have to declare on future travel insirance etc.so if it's a genuije MH crisis then go and talk to your GP. But if not, fit notes aren't available on demand.

I did at the beginning of the year.
Found it extremely difficult to self certify for the first week before the GP would sign me off as I didn’t feel physically ill, I just felt mentally burnt out. I ended up being off for 4.5 months and I’m so glad I took that first step. I’m a completely different person now thanks to that time off and therapy.
You’ve got to prioritise your mental health because no one else will for you 🫶🏼.
Just an edit to say that I did accept the medication that was offered too - amitriptylline, and it definitely helped to level everything out over that time.