To go off sick? Would you in this situation?

[Bhuwilo]

I’m exhausted. That’s it really. Have a toddler and dh works away in the week. I despise the nursery run as I also work full time and the whole process of getting dd ready etc and in the car is exhausting. I used to love my career. I just want a few weeks off. I don’t mean annual leave (can’t do that as don’t have enough) but I mean a few weeks off trying to meet everyone’s needs but my own. A few weeks of dropping dd then focusing on myself. I’m so burnt out. Is this reasonable? Have you done it or would you?

I’m a nurse.
The Covid trauma got me but I carried on, doing my NMP and patient assessment module overlapping got me but I carried on, the doctors strikes got me but I carried on until I couldn’t anymore.
I only thought I’d need a couple of weeks but unfortunately that didn’t cut it.
And yes I did, but thankfully my manager and occ health were very supportive!

Are you expecting your employer to pay you to be off "sick" because you & your DH haven't split responsibilities at home fairly & you've taken on too much trying to do everything with a toddler AND work full time?

I think this is pretty much it.

Is your DH work away long term? If so can he change or take more time off? I get it and a small kid is exhausting without the absent DH and FT job. Let’s not even talk about them bringing all sorts of viruses this time of the year on top of everything else

Look for a different job or be a sahm. No wonder this country is in such a mess when people think they can take sick leave because getting their toddler into the car for nursery exhausts them.

request unpaid parental leave - I think you have a legal right to this.

or were you expecting your employer to pay you to sit at home?

Get yourself signed off with stress for two weeks from the doc, you are suffering with overwhelm and it is important to look after yourself before it turns into something more.

Yeah. The employer shouldn't take this hit; it's up to the couple to solve domestic issues.

I think really you need to look at longer term solutions. I would start with DH looking for a new job that doesn't involve him working away.

I don't know why you wouldn't have enough holiday though if you were desperate - because surely from Jan 1st you'll have all your yearly holiday allowance back again?

Its not your employer's problem.

I get it - life is hard and I had a similar point when my child was 3 when I thought "no, I can't do this anymore" and I went from full time to part time. I started working just 24 hours a week and it saved my sanity. Yes we have less money coming in now, but we're all happier. I can pick up more hours at work some weeks if I want, its very flexible and that suits me.

I think its very hard for both parents to work in inflexible jobs full-time. Your lifestyle needs to change or you'll just keep hitting the same brick wall.

I’m sure it’s been mentioned but have you considered going PT?

I’ve never heard of a parent working FT whilst the other parent works away.

I’m sure it does happen but usually a parent works away because it’s better money and it means the other parent can work less.

Financially you must be fine and so I would really consider either your or DH dropping a day or 2.

Its great that you wanted to keep your career but you are struggling and something has to give.

If you need to take a week or 2 off then do it, I wouldn’t judge you for it but you may find going back to work more difficult.

I’m wondering if you had time off over Xmas and you’re due back which is why you’re feeling overwhelmed.

If you’ve recently had time off, then maybe wait a couple of weeks before you have more time off, just to space it out a bit.

Is DH helpful when he is there?
Could you get a cleaner or mothers help?

Been a single parent for 11 years. I had a 2 year old and a 6 month old when I became a single parent (proper single parent; no dad in the picture so just me) with a full time job.

So… it’s just life, I’m afraid. What are you going to do once you go back to work?

If you can’t hack it then you can’t hack it. That’s fine, but you need a long term plan, not a few weeks off work. Sounds like you need your husband to come home.

I am public sector and most people I know there are honest and bloody hardworking. While I agree about going over the edge, my point is that dealing with a single toddler while working should not be causing that reaction and rather than pandering to it, we as a society should be encouraging people to take responsibility for themselves and not expecting others to pick up the pieces.....

You will find many that do . I was a Lp from 10 months , my ex wasn’t allowed to be unsupervised with Ds from 6 weeks old ..

you are searching for the posts that agree with you ignoring all the other questions .

you will do whatever you are going to regardless of anything said here.

have you actually discussed this with DH ?

Mine starts April 1st.

But the OP does have some leave left, so I think she should be looking at taking it.

You're at the end of your energy, so may be perceiving unkindness where many are asking questions to try to help. A few thoughts:

1. Get GP to run a full blood panel, you may be low on something causing fatigue. Unless you are missing sleep, midweek you are only seeing DD briefly and working, nursery kids sleep longer hours, so you should genuinely be able to plough through for a few years. You can't, so don't ignore possible physical causes; get thyroid, vitamins D / B12 checked etc.
2. You clearly need a break, so take sick leave or unpaid leave now to recover before you burn out. A week might be better than a longer stretch though, where it can be harder to get back into it.
3. Do you love your job? If it doesn't energise you, maybe you need a change?
4. Change the shared care pattern with DH; how can you carve out more rest?

With all kindness, your problems will still be there after a few weeks. Can you drop your hours at work? Something will need to change in the long run. What does your DH say?

While morally YABU, I actually think YADNBU. You need to look after yourself and a week or two off might sort you out.

Absolutely do it. It makes such a difference, you can self certify to start with

I really hope things look up soon, OP. If you can't reevaluate life at the start of a new year, when can you?!

Hi - I didn't do this and had a mini nervous breakdown. Moral of the story: still had to be signed off for two weeks but now everyone (in my old fashioned and prejudice) workplace thinks I'm soft or a nutter.

I understand how you feel but no I don’t think you can go off sick. You could ask to go part time or something though.

That's sad. I'm sure they don't though x

Will your husband get a month off too ?

Plenty of people are out there doing it on their own. How often is your DH home?

We all need a break once in a while, life is exhausting but equally it’s life and we have to just get on with it unless you’re prepared to make changes in your home life to make things easier

I think a week off on annual leave might be a starting point. But in the long term I’d probably say unless your DH working away means you can’t drop a few days from work, then could he find a job nearer to home? To me working away should only be a necessary if it’s bringing in enough money for a better lifestyle.