To go off sick? Would you in this situation?

[Bhuwilo]

I’m exhausted. That’s it really. Have a toddler and dh works away in the week. I despise the nursery run as I also work full time and the whole process of getting dd ready etc and in the car is exhausting. I used to love my career. I just want a few weeks off. I don’t mean annual leave (can’t do that as don’t have enough) but I mean a few weeks off trying to meet everyone’s needs but my own. A few weeks of dropping dd then focusing on myself. I’m so burnt out. Is this reasonable? Have you done it or would you?

Go for it. Thats what sickness policies are for. GPs will be sympathetic this time of year just get your story straight before you go in.

Do you know many women doing it all alone - full time working and a toddler in Nursery?

Every woman I know who has had a toddler is either part time or if full time they share the Nursery Runs and evening toddler wrangling with their partner.

The problem with burnout is it takes longer than a few weeks to recover.

I've suffered burnout a few times because I didn't know just how hard burnout is to recover from.

It takes months, sometimes years to recover from.

I did take time off from work. Something had to give in my case, and I couldn't drop my responsibility to my child, I still had to share responsibilities within the house, none of that could be dropped so it had to be work even though work probably weren't the primary culprit (the first time at least). It was just a matter of fact that work and home life were all collectively demands that filled my cup and left no space for any self care.

You're being unrealistic with the demands you're looking to drop to adopt a low demand lifestyle from reading your first post, but if it truly is burnout then a low demand approach is the only way and you also need to be realistic about the time you will need to take away.

that's is called being an adult and a parent. How do you plan to cope the next 10 years. Throwing sickies whenever you need time for yourself. Maybe reduce your working hours or so. You are being utterly ridiculous.

Unless things have changed you can’t self cert at most companies for two weeks. You would then need a doctors note.

Ive been there and had absolutely no help with no family nearby. Also consider going back will still mean all your work is still,there. I think you need to think about what you can do to make things easier - I spoke to single moms who are hero’s and have this down pat. I understand the need for a serious break but it just moves the problem rather than fixing it.

Once you come back it will all still be there. You need to chance you situation to make it easier. Can you pay to have someone take little one to nursery?

This is my first post on your thread, and no unkindness from me.

I don't think the solution lies in taking time off sick if you're not sick though. I think if you're honest with yourself a sustainable solution needs to involve a frank and honest conversation with your partner to let him know that this isn't working, you're exhausted and you cannot do solo parenting this way any more. You two need to figure out what to change - it might be his career, it might be to employ help in the mornings, an au pair or nanny in general, for you to cut your working hours or condense them, or something else. He is absent - I'm not saying that in a blame game kind of way, presumably it is financially worthwhile for him to be absent - but his absence creates a labour gap, particularly with younger children, and it's clear that you can't fill it alone. If his reason for being absent is because it allows him to earn more, he will need to acknowledge that his expenses need to be higher to fill the childcare gap.

This is the best advice I've seen on this thread. OP, with kindness, please take it.

I would self certify for a week then if you go to gp you would probably get a 2 week line. But you need to have a plan for the time - what needs to change can you drop hours/compress days? What chores are not a good use of your time can you outsource anything? It's not easy working full time with young children but it won't be forever

So in your world burnout= taking the piss? Make kindness your new Year Resolution, hmm?

I think what needs to happen is your DH gets a different job....it's clearly not working for you as a family.
This doesn't sound like a work issue, more of a home one, but if it did I would say speak to your employer first and explain how burnt out you are and see if they can help in any way to ease your workload and pressures.

And then who will get stuck with extra work?

You aren't ill. Don't take time off sick. You have one child whose father chooses to work away - that doesn't make you sick.

People didn't used to "suffer burnout" from living normal lives and doing normal jobs. They just got tired.

They used to just plod on then chow down on vallium and gin and smoke instead of eating.

Women gave always suffered, as a group, in some way, to varying levels. Just because some women manage juggling all the plates, doesn't mean every other woman can or should

One woman's "burnout" is another's "mildly knackered". Only @Bhuwilo knows exactly where she is on the spectrum. I think the one thing we can all agree on is that she before she plays a time-off card - paid or unpaid - there are other options to discuss and resolve. Namely husband and family support and changing responsibilities up.

Jeez some of the comments on here 🙄

OP - it really depends on your symptoms and what the Dr thinks! Contrary to popular belief, Dr's don't just sign people off willy nilly! You have to have symptoms! Mental ill health isn't a choice ffs!

If you are experiencing psycholigical OR physiological issues due to stress and burnout then your gp needs to make a decision based on that. Not on what everyone else thinks you can or can't do. Go see a professional and talk to your employers to see what can be facilitated. Antidepressants may well help. Good luck.

You may also need your blood doing.

You don’t sound like you are actually sick - just that you don’t like your lifestyle. You’d be better off putting some changes in place. Not much point in going off sick but then coming back to the exact same situation.

Look after yourself mentally, physically and spiritually There is no quick fix but a few weeks off would be a kickstart.x

No one mentions how relentless having small children is. You are effectively a single parent during the week and it is a lot. The only suggestion I have is to be as organised as possible and cut as many corners as possible. No harm in having a few weeks off but use the time to make a plan for moving forward and what your priorities will be. How important is your career to you? What could/would make life easier, and then put the plan in place.
Ignore people that say you should be able to cope, you are coping but are not living a sustainable lifestyle if you’re feeling overwhelmed.
Hope you get some rest soon.

I'm similar OP. I just need a few weeks off to rest and reset everything. Then I'll have the energy and mental clarity to come up with a long term solution. But when I'm burnt out it's hard to think.

No, self-diagnosing and taking a few weeks off because you don't want to use your annual leave, when the situation would be vastly improved if the OP and her husband made different choices is taking the piss.

Do it.
Mind yourself.

Exactly this. Phrasing tiredness from just dealing with normal life as 'burnout' and/or a mental health issue requiring sick leave diminishes the more genuine cases. Sorry but it sounds like you're dealing with what millions of parents need to deal with every single day and it doesn't sound like you would actually need/want time off if you didn't get paid sick leave. As an employer or a colleague I would judge someone taking sick leave in your situation - can you imagine the impact on businesses/schools/hospitals etc etc if all the tired working parents took several extra weeks off every year on top of annual leave just to get some downtime while the kids were at school/nursery?

Spot on, @OhMyGollyGoshGosh

We'd all love a paid month off. That's not how real life works.