DH resents how I don’t drive

[FlyingHighintheSkyy]

It causes massive problems between us. He says how much he hates driving and being the only driver. We live in a semi rural area and he always makes comments like not being able to drive is pathetic and I was pathetic for not learning when I was young (I didn’t need to as I lived in a big city)

Big pressure from DH and MIL to move closer to DHs job so we ended up in a semi rural area area.

I’ve taken 4 driving tests in total, spent thousands of my own savings, done god knows how many theory tests and have cried my eyes out and broken down during many driving lessons.

I even bought a car and the exhaust fell off - DH and Mil promised to take it to a garage for me, refused to let me sort it, months passed and the car ended up with a clamp as it was parked on our street!

DH still moans about “ferrying me around” when we are actually taking the kids out, it’s not like he’s giving me a lift to a spa!

He constantly says he’s driving my “lazy arse” around but I’m very happy to get busses, he just wants me home quicker from work and insists on picking me up.

Sorry, long post, for additional info I have ADHD which might explain why I struggled so much with driving. DH feels cheated as I promised I would learn to drive. Seeking advice please.

Is it the theory you’re struggling with passing?

4 tests isnt that many really.

What is it that you struggle with?

Brace yourself op, mumsnet views non drivers as the devil incarnate!

From what I understand of your post, you've tried but it hasn't worked out. Could you afford to run another car anyway? Its madly expensive.

I sympathise as I had massive struggles learning to drive as an adult. I did pass eventually but I hate driving and am not good at it.

In your shoes I'd be pushing back on DH to move back to an urban area. I have ruled out ever living anywhere other than a city because I don't wish to drive.

You just need to keep going till this is sorted. It’s not optional for your life living rurally. More lessons and keep doing the rest till you get it.

Reacting quick enough, roundabouts, multitasking-basically everything!

You have learnt.

You haven't passed yet.

You can't promise your DH to pass because that's something that you can work towards but not necessarily deliver.

I didn’t pass until my 5th attempt. You need to persevere.

When we fight about it I always tell DH that it was so much easier for him as he was young with no responsibilities. For a couple of my tests I was heavily pregnant then taking lessons afterwards I had my baby/toddler in the back with me. He just doesn’t understand how it was harder for me.

He constantly says he’s driving my “lazy arse” around but I’m very happy to get busses, he just wants me home quicker from work and insists on picking me up.

your DH calls you a lazy arse even though you’ve said you’re happy to get the bus? Why does he want you home quicker from work? What is it he needs you to do that he couldn’t be doing instead of driving to get you even though you don’t expect him too?

I’m very happy to get busses, he just wants me home quicker from work and insists on picking me up

I'd bet good money you learn to drive, run yourself around, and his berating of you just moves onto something else.

My dh didn't drive when we met, or married, or had dc1. He learnt before dc2 arrived, off his own back. Did I give him grief or complain? No. Because he was a non driver when we got together. That was who he was. And he always got himself around without a car.

He wants me home quicker so he’s not on his own with the children

Try an automatic. It’s one think not being able to drive when you live in a city with good public transport, but if you choose to live semi rurally you shouldn’t have to rely on others for lifts everywhere. You should not need to be so dependent.

can He not cope with his own children?

Are you learning in a manual car? If you are struggling with the multitasking aspect of driving, then an automatic car would make all the difference. I think your husband is being an arsehole though, it’s not like you haven’t tried to learn and it sounds like he got you to move to a more rural area against your preference and knowing you can’t drive.

So is he dragging the children to and fro on these pick ups too? Screw that.

Tell him no. Get yourself out the door for the bus before he knows what's happening. Tell him you're making your own way home every day now and won't be there for pick up.

I don’t, i have busses every half an hour and I’m happy to get myself around.

Learn in an automatic and it’ll be easier. I passed on manual but I drive electric now and it’s a game changer. However, your DH is an arse and it’s no wonder you aren’t passing with the pressure he is putting you under

Then don’t bother learning .Enjoy the peace and quiet on the bus,let him entertain the kids until you get home 😂

This!

It’s when we go on day trips or holidays (3 hours away) that he wishes we could share the driving or if we drive to the beach (35 minutes) etc

Honestly, I much prefer getting the bus!

Ltb and move back to a city.

Ok, I'm not being serious but it doesn't seem like the non-driving is the big issue here.

I can’t drive either OP despite multiple lessons and tests and I live rurally. I get myself around and don’t rely on DH. DH never makes an issue of it because I have no expectations of him re driving and it sounds as if you’re the same

tbh it sounds like your DH might just be a bit of an arse

I wouldn’t be happy being the only driver in a relationship either .
I think you should keep trying to pass your test . Do an automatic one if you can’t cope with manual .