DH resents how I don’t drive

[FlyingHighintheSkyy]

It causes massive problems between us. He says how much he hates driving and being the only driver. We live in a semi rural area and he always makes comments like not being able to drive is pathetic and I was pathetic for not learning when I was young (I didn’t need to as I lived in a big city)

Big pressure from DH and MIL to move closer to DHs job so we ended up in a semi rural area area.

I’ve taken 4 driving tests in total, spent thousands of my own savings, done god knows how many theory tests and have cried my eyes out and broken down during many driving lessons.

I even bought a car and the exhaust fell off - DH and Mil promised to take it to a garage for me, refused to let me sort it, months passed and the car ended up with a clamp as it was parked on our street!

DH still moans about “ferrying me around” when we are actually taking the kids out, it’s not like he’s giving me a lift to a spa!

He constantly says he’s driving my “lazy arse” around but I’m very happy to get busses, he just wants me home quicker from work and insists on picking me up.

Sorry, long post, for additional info I have ADHD which might explain why I struggled so much with driving. DH feels cheated as I promised I would learn to drive. Seeking advice please.

I’d love to try an automatic and honestly driving (my own car) would make it massively easier transporting the kids around when DH is working as there’s some places that we can’t get to or we’ve been let down by busses etc.

It's a lot of pressure to be the only driver with children in a semi rural area.
Which aspects do you struggle with, would going for an automatic licence be easier?

I think if you live rurally then it’s not ideal he is the only driver.

How are the kids getting to and from school?

Driving can be tiring and stressful if you are in a rush.

Your husband sounds like a twat. He knew you couldn't drive when you moved to your current home. If it doesn't work for you then you need to move back to a location with easier transport.

We lived rurally for a long time but have moved to a bigger village/small town which has better public transport for DS2 as he has dyspraxia and doesn't want to learn to drive. We have compromised for him because we love him and want to support him.

Sorry cross post

Does he share the driving with others? Eg if travelling with other family members/ colleagues?

We rarely share the driving, dh prefers to drive and I don't care if he does it all.

It’s so difficult to say as I failed on 4 separate issues-never just one thing. Never a dangerous fault but enough to fail - it was soul destroying 😢

As someone else said try automatic

You can drive though. As long as you are on the insurance as a named driver and you have L Plates, so you could get lots of free practice driving when you go out.

My ND son is struggling to pass the theory. Failed it a dozen times. But nothing wrong with his actual driving and he often drives us around. When we went on holiday earlier this year he did most of the driving, even though it was unfamiliar territory. It's that pesky theory!

I took eight goes to pass my test as I got really nervous each time. I had no choice but to keep trying as I lived in a rural area at the time.

DH doesn't drive and I resent it more and more tbh. It's not just lifts here and there. I don't really mind them.

It's always being the designated driver as there's no-one else, doing all the tip trips, all parties, appointments, play dates when the kids were young, being the one who has to rescue DH/DCs when buses/taxis don't turn up, doing all the holiday driving in the UK and abroad so everyone else gets to enjoy the view while I'm getting to grips with the hire car and unfamiliar roads, being in charge of all the car maintenance, insurance etc, driving the hire van when something big needs moving, being volunteered to take in-laws to hospital appointments, always being there for the big shop because someone needs to drive it home. If I'm ever ill (thankfully not often) DH gets stressed as it's really difficult for him to get any shopping in and I have to drive myself to the doctor. There's probably more I've forgotten.

Sorry for the rant but the resentment has crept up over time. Please do your best to pass your test or consider moving to an area with more transport if you really can't.

Your DH shouldn't be moaning if he's insisting on picking you up though. I'd be more than happy to let you take the bus. Or do you text from the bus stop complaining about how long the wait is? DD does this and it feels like she's angling for a lift.

I’d get lessons in an automatic car. All electric cars are automatic cars. Manual are going the way of the horse and carriage. Try a driving school like RED where you can take the test in the same car you have your lessons in and with the instructor in the back so if you fail, they can see exactly when and how and train you to not make the same mistake again.

I'd definitely try auto only, there's less to focus on, no gear changes, biting points, a hill start is just a start, manoeuvres are easier because you can't stall etc. You can then focus on the road. I say this as someone who is dyspraxic and drives auto

He acts like I promised to learn but never bothered. It was all my money and savings I spent too, thousands! I did try and would give anything to have passed my test. The huge pressure and snide remarks from DH don’t help.

It really is OP. I’ve failed 5 tests all on different things

I really do sympathise

Oh, that’s really minor then. I’d keep trying. Everyone I know failed at least once, most more than once.

I suspect your “D”H and MIL are a significant reason you’re struggling to pass. I think your confidence would take a massive boost if you were free of them.

Wish lessons weren’t so expensive but I will definitely look at trying an automatic, I think that might be the answer.

The huge pressure and snide remarks from DH don’t help.
Have you told him? He may be thinking he is encouraging you but really he’s nagging you.

Lovely, not everyone is cut out to drive and that's okay. The real prob ok em here isn't your lack of driving but your husband being an emotionally abusive arse!
He's using the driving as a stick to beat you with and if it wasn't this, he'd be bitching about something else!
It's time to take your power back - remind him that you live semi rurally for his convenience, not yours and driving is the price he pays so he needs to suck it up. He's not doing you a huge favour - you've done his one by living in the place that suits him. The children are as much his as yours and so driving them is his responsibility as a father.

Honestly you'd do better to spend your money on a divorce than more driving lessons. I think it suits him to insist on driving and then bitch at you for it. He sounds like a lazy fucker useless dad too!

The problem isn't you, it's him. But if you did want to learn then automatic is much easier. It would benefit you to get freedom from this dickhead husband!

You have bigger issues than not being able to pass your driving test

Also had a wanky comment from FIL - we were helping fill out a pip form for Mil and FIL said to me “do they have pip for someone who’s failed 4 driving tests? Ha ha!” Wanker!

Usually us ADHDers are fantastic drivers, we hyperfocus and smash it. Can you use your hyperfocus here? It sounds like you're fighting against it a bit as you said you'd rather take the bus etc. Hyperfocus this into something you need to do and just smash it.

DH isn't speaking to you with any kind of respect.

Don't do it for him, do it for yourself. It'll be hugely rewarding and freeing. Own it for yourself.

DH sounds like a prick

Should of told him to fill his own fucking firm out

Sorry form