I need to get this out. I've my hard hat on as I think I'm probably being a baby.
Background - I've always felt in my family expectations of me are much much higher than my siblings. It's a strange dynamic where it seems to be assumed that life is really easy for me so I should put up with crap treatment from my siblings but behave really well towards them.
My dad was not around much past teens and is now dead. DM always seems to go with the easiest option which is to tell me not to make a fuss - my dsis in particular is very high maintenance, gets stressed and very selfish. She is a bully, similar to how our father was. My mother complains but always panders to her.
I always feel I do the most for everyone (in fact I do, no doubt about it) and am taken for granted.
This year DH and I took my DM away on hols twice. We have done this several times and she enjoys it I think. Siblings don't do this ever. We also take her out with us every second weekend and go to visit her the other. So I do think she likes being with us.
For NYE I booked a show and a really fancy restaurant for a late lunch in the city with DM, DC and DH. The plan was we would then drive to DM's and stay there that night and the following day. I have friends living around there so also planned to pop out either that evening or the following morning for a mini NY get together then have lunch in DM's.
The city is halfway to DM's. City is 1 hour drive, another 30 to DM.
Yesterday DM phoned me. She said dsis has decided she wants to stay in her house to have a break for a few nights so we could no longer stay NYE but could still come for lunch the next day. Dsis lives near us. I suggested we all squeeze in; me DH in one bed with DC on floor in same room. DM shook her head and said no, dsis won't want to share with one of her own DC and she won't want them on the pullout couch in the office room either, she wants to take both the spare bedrooms upstairs. The office wouldn't have space for me and my lot. It was clear there was interest in figuring out a solution for all of us to stay.
I know my face must have looked hurt as she looked a little uncomfortable. I said "so you're saying we should drive back and forth on both days and after our lovely day in the city we aren't invited?" DM shrugged and said there was no need to drive out again as she was letting me know I was invited but no need to come out for lunch.
Not sure if it's relevant but dsis has been invited and preferences accommodated for several occasions over the last ten days with us and after a vague "yeah sounds nice, I'll let you know" not shown up or cancelled. She did the same for the Nye lunch in the city and I ended up having to book somewhere else so I wouldn't be charged for her family and could not modify the booking. I only know she's not coming based on what DM said.
DH finds dsis insufferable with her inability to make an arrangement and thinks i should stop trying to plan around her.
I feel so hurt and don't even want to do the show and lunch (but I will!)
Yabu - stop being a baby. It's DM's house not yours and she doesn't owe you accommodation
Yanbu - sounds hurtful, take a step back from them all and focus on your own family