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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should she replace it?

1000 replies

Langarg · 30/12/2024 16:57

My friend asked if she could borrow my Dyson airwrap for her wedding as money was tight and she couldn’t afford a hairdresser. It was a small wedding with only her, her DH and two witnesses. I reluctantly agreed (bit of a people pleaser).

The wedding was two weeks ago, we exchanged a few messages back and forth the day after her wedding. A few days later I asked if she could please return my airwrap and she didn’t reply. I messaged again saying I really need it back as I don’t have a hair dryer anymore and solely use this to dry/style my hair and she eventually replied saying she accidentally left it in the hotel however the hotel are claiming it wasn’t left there.

She was very apologetic however didn’t offer to replace it or give me the money for it. I raised this with her and explained that I shouldn’t be left without my airwrap or out of pocket for her mistake and she said that she couldn’t afford to replace or give me the money for it. She then sent me a link to a post on Facebook marketplace of someone selling an older model for £150 and said that if I buy that she can pay me back in 3 monthly instalments.

I don’t want to accept this because firstly why should I be out of pocket £150 and risk not being paid back and I don’t want an older model when I had the newer one which cost me nearly £500 less than a year ago.

I explained this to her and she said she is going to be forced to put a brand new one on her credit card which will put her in to debt. I feel awful but I really don’t know what to do?!

Please give me some advice…

YABU = buy the £150 older model and hope she pays the 3 monthly instalments
YANBU = accept her offer of her buying a replacement on her credit card

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
CrispyCrumpets · 30/12/2024 16:59

She should be sorting the £150 one and returning it to you.

Calamitousness · 30/12/2024 16:59

She is massively unreasonable. It was in her care. She lost it. She pays for a new one. No question.

Surprisedcupcake · 30/12/2024 17:00

Sounds like either way this friendship is probably going to take a dive, so you may as well get a replacement you're happy with 😬

Hufflemuff · 30/12/2024 17:00

She's a cheeky bitch!

She needs to put it on her credit card, £500 debt is nothing to worry about. I'm guessing she has a lot more debt already which is what she's stressing about - but that's not your fault or your problem.

rookiemere · 30/12/2024 17:00

Ooh tricky one. Can you ask her if she can claim on her home insurance for the loss?
I think a compromise would be that she pays for the £150 air wrap up front.

LittleRedYarny · 30/12/2024 17:00

You kindly lent it to her because she couldn’t afford a hairdresser for her wedding day, she was (seemingly) fully aware it was a loan not a gift and has acted carelessly - she 100% should replace it with a new one (not a second hand old model off scammy Facebook that you will be initially expected to pay for) and bugger feeling mean that she’s going into debt to do so.

Offcom · 30/12/2024 17:01

She should replace your exact model without grumbling!

moonmaker93 · 30/12/2024 17:02

What?! No, she absolutely should not be forcing you to take an older model. You had a perfectly good new one and she lost it. It's her responsibility to replace, and personally I would be taking note at how she's handled this. Her financial situation is not your problem.

Gymmum82 · 30/12/2024 17:02

She lost it she pays for it! The absolute cheek! She should have taken Better care of it. Bet she would have if it was hers and she’d paid out £500 for it or whatever they cost

Purplecatshopaholic · 30/12/2024 17:03

Offcom · 30/12/2024 17:01

She should replace your exact model without grumbling!

This. Cheeky minx making you feel guilty for her mistake! She buys a new one for you right away, she shouldn’t even have mentioned or questioned that - Jeezo, some friend.

Iloveacurry · 30/12/2024 17:03

Of course she needs to buy you a new one!

Snowmanscarf · 30/12/2024 17:04

Yes, she should replace it, like for like.

HermioneWeasley · 30/12/2024 17:04

Of course she needs to replace the model she lost.

Rainbowdottie · 30/12/2024 17:05

I can't see how she doesn't feel bad enough to buy you a new one. I would have to, whether I could afford it or not....I'd have to find a way of paying it over instalments either through a credit card, qvc or even the dyson website. I must admit I always keep in mind the best advice my grandmother ever gave me "never be a borrower or lender" and it's hard "no" if anyone outside my own kids asks me for something...and this has just confirmed it.

Sorry I think she's got to buy a new one. Pretty shit of her to wait until you asked for it and then try to give you a second hand one. I realise it's a money issue but if you're a good enough friend to her, why wasn't she sorting this straight away with you.

Moveoverdarlin · 30/12/2024 17:05

This is outrageous. Personally I think she’s sold it.

I would say:

Hi Jo

I have to say I’m really disappointed. I didn’t want to lend you a £500 piece of kit for your wedding, I really didn’t. I did it out of the goodness of my heart because we’re friends. I can’t believe you’ve lost it! It’s so so careless. I use it everyday! It’s my hairdryer! I don’t want an older one from bloody Facebook marketplace! I didn’t lose the brand new one. YOU DID!

Can you transfer £500 to me by close of play tomorrow? I’ll by a new one. Account details are: XYZ.

I think the moral of the story for you is to just buy your own things and not rely on others generosity.

This has taught us both a valuable lesson.

Original poster
Langarg · 30/12/2024 17:05

I was worried I was BU by thinking she should replace it but it appears I’m not!

So not to drip feed this friend has form for taking advantage of my generosity (always ‘forgetting’ to transfer money if we agree to go halves on the bill, accepting lifts and never returning the favour etc) and also for being forgetful (leaving a gift I got her on the bus nearly immediately after I gave her it). I really should have known better than to lend it out if I’m honest!

OP posts:
Technonan · 30/12/2024 17:06

If she'd been upfront and told you at once she'd lost it, I suppose you could consider being very generous and go for the £150 one, though you would be under no obligation to. She hasn't been honest, and she didn't take care of an expensive item she'd borrowed. She should replace it.

rookiemere · 30/12/2024 17:07

Moveoverdarlin · 30/12/2024 17:05

This is outrageous. Personally I think she’s sold it.

I would say:

Hi Jo

I have to say I’m really disappointed. I didn’t want to lend you a £500 piece of kit for your wedding, I really didn’t. I did it out of the goodness of my heart because we’re friends. I can’t believe you’ve lost it! It’s so so careless. I use it everyday! It’s my hairdryer! I don’t want an older one from bloody Facebook marketplace! I didn’t lose the brand new one. YOU DID!

Can you transfer £500 to me by close of play tomorrow? I’ll by a new one. Account details are: XYZ.

I think the moral of the story for you is to just buy your own things and not rely on others generosity.

This has taught us both a valuable lesson.

Edited

That's a good message.

Moveoverdarlin · 30/12/2024 17:07

CrispyCrumpets · 30/12/2024 16:59

She should be sorting the £150 one and returning it to you.

So OP spent 500 quid on a new model last year and now has a £150 older model? So OP is £350 down because her mate lost hers?! No fucking way would I accept that.

I think the friend sold it.

Offcom · 30/12/2024 17:08

This post has reminded me of The Necklace by Guy de Maupassant…

www.eastoftheweb.com/short-stories/UBooks/Neck.shtml

WearyAuldWumman · 30/12/2024 17:08

Moveoverdarlin · 30/12/2024 17:07

So OP spent 500 quid on a new model last year and now has a £150 older model? So OP is £350 down because her mate lost hers?! No fucking way would I accept that.

I think the friend sold it.

Show quote history

My first thought was that the friend has kept it for herself.

Fiery30 · 30/12/2024 17:08

I feel that she has actually kept it for herself. The story about it getting lost is made up. You definitely need to get the money, doesn't matter whatever the consequence for her. Don't trust her to buy a new one, rather get the money.

Sirzy · 30/12/2024 17:08

My first thought is she has kept it for herself.

but irrespective she should replace like for like

TidyDancer · 30/12/2024 17:08

I wouldn't accept an older model, no way. If neither of you have any insurance that would cover this (and I very much doubt that will be the case) then she needs to cough up the money. It's not on you to be out of pocket or without your belongings.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 30/12/2024 17:09

I don't understand the comments that OP should accept the older, cheaper model. How is that a compromise?!

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