Should she replace it?

[Langarg]

My friend asked if she could borrow my Dyson airwrap for her wedding as money was tight and she couldn’t afford a hairdresser. It was a small wedding with only her, her DH and two witnesses. I reluctantly agreed (bit of a people pleaser).

The wedding was two weeks ago, we exchanged a few messages back and forth the day after her wedding. A few days later I asked if she could please return my airwrap and she didn’t reply. I messaged again saying I really need it back as I don’t have a hair dryer anymore and solely use this to dry/style my hair and she eventually replied saying she accidentally left it in the hotel however the hotel are claiming it wasn’t left there.

She was very apologetic however didn’t offer to replace it or give me the money for it. I raised this with her and explained that I shouldn’t be left without my airwrap or out of pocket for her mistake and she said that she couldn’t afford to replace or give me the money for it. She then sent me a link to a post on Facebook marketplace of someone selling an older model for £150 and said that if I buy that she can pay me back in 3 monthly instalments.

I don’t want to accept this because firstly why should I be out of pocket £150 and risk not being paid back and I don’t want an older model when I had the newer one which cost me nearly £500 less than a year ago.

I explained this to her and she said she is going to be forced to put a brand new one on her credit card which will put her in to debt. I feel awful but I really don’t know what to do?!

Please give me some advice…

YABU = buy the £150 older model and hope she pays the 3 monthly instalments
YANBU = accept her offer of her buying a replacement on her credit card

She's nicked it for sure.

She has either sold it or kept it for herself. Either way she is a shameless thief

I couldn't stay friends with anyone that tried to mug me off like that! She needs to replace it, no question. And not with an old used one either..

Agree. I’d be so mortified if would have ordered one immediately and paid on Klarna if I didn’t have the money upfront.

Same. Keep pushing for a like for like replacement or the cash asap. Maybe the hotel will “find” it.

It seems that lots of you are on ‘team stole it’. I’m clearly far too trusting/naive as this didn’t even cross my mind as a possibility.

Surely she wouldn’t steal it then show up with fabulous hair the next time we meet?!

Have you rung the hotel yet?

I don't think I would trust her to buy you a new one, unless you physically go shopping with her. How would you know she's bought you a genuine and new product? She sounds like the type who would buy a cheaper version on Facebook or ebay and try to fob you off saying it's new but it was the last one and that's why it doesn't have a box or the box was damaged it whatever. I'd ask her to transfer the money for a new one into your bank account, or take cash out using her credit card and give you the cash. She's clearly trying to make you feel guilty, and you shouldn't. She borrowed what she must have known was a really expensive item, then she was either horribly careless and lost it, or she's stolen it and hopes you won't make a fuss.

Please update us when you have called. I do not trust your "friend" at all.

She’s probably sold it.

She needs to give you the full cost of a new replacement, and then you need to fade her out of your life because she keeps taking advantage of your kindness.

If you’ve always let her off before I’m team stole it. She hoped your forgive her due to oh the hotel staff bug meanies and she’s sold it.

This is a good message, much better than the earlier one upthread. Good idea to mention calling the police, it’s theft of an expensive item after all. You could tell her about the Boots one and the advantage card points, then it looks like you’re being helpful. But don’t back down, she’s a CF.

She needs to be a bit more forceful about the hotel finding it and if nobody hands it back in then she will need to buy a new one.

The friendship will probably sink but it’s too expensive to write off.

Forget the £150 secondhand one, she needs to replace like for like - and new, not secondhand. If she has to put it on a credit card then that's on her, not you. It's called personal responsibility.

Cheeky chancer! I'd be mortified to lose a friend's belonging and rectify it asap at my own cost. Which is the norm and the reasonable expectation, surely.

Great message!

I think if you send her a message asking her to send you a copy of the police report you expect she's logged, and offering to help draft one with the full description if she hasn't done it yet, you'll find that it mysteriously re-appears. Failing that, yes of course she should put a new one on her credit card.

If a 'friend' of mine did this to me, I'd have no issue starting small claims court action against her. A genuine friend would not do this.

Most of my friends would put themselves into debt to replace an expensive item I'd lent them, as would I. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I'd lost something valuable belonging to someone else. I'd be mortified and falling over myself to replace it ASAP.

I have an air wrap and no way would I accept a second hand £150 one instead of a new one.

She needs to buy a new one and put it on a credit card. That’s what she gets for being careless.

I think it's unlikely she stole it, I think she's just one of those people who are careless with things that aren't their own. I have had friends like that in the past and thankfully the items they have lost or broken are low value, and I now consider them a reasonable warning cost not to continue the friendship.

Whether she's kept it, lost it through carelessness or the maids or whoever ....have seen an opportunity....someone has it. That is not you and it needs to be replaced. I don't have one, I'd love one, they're very sought after. As I say someone has it and it's not you. And you're the owner of it.

I would send her the message of clear instructions of what you need from her and I think you're allowed to put you're upset/disheartened/disappointed.

I'd probably write something along the lines of
Hi X
We're in a really tricky position here but the facts are, I do need my dyson back. It's an expensive item and I lent it to you in good faith for your wedding. It's not something I can flippantly afford, I bought it with my bonus from work and I really do treasure it and most importantly, need it.
Please send me £insert value to my bank account xxxxx. I would like that asap as obviously I've been without one for quite a while now. This is a situation that does need to be resolved ASAP.

As I said here on a previous post on this thread, how does she not even bad about it 😢

The back story makes me think she's kept it. She needs to replace it like for like, but she won't. So I don't think there's much you can do about it.

It's on sale at boots at the moment for £400. Maybe this could feel like a compromise to her?

I might say something like, please call the hotel one last time or I'll come round and we can buy one on your card tomorrow, I wonder if she will find the hotel had it all along. (she stole) but give her a get out for a resolution.

Im also of the mind that she's trousered it and was hoping g you'd just accept the loss.

So, so cheeky.

OP, YABU. Send that text suggested by a pp - it's very good, but unlikely your friendship will survive this.

That said, your 'friendship' sounds entirely one sided.