to think DS's girlfriend is taking the piss and he needs legal advice

[redwingparty]

Keeping this short as I don't want DS to be outed, though I could write a very long post about this woman, but the main thing is:

DS2 has just bought a flat, his girlfriend has moved in and she is not paying him rent. She is lazy by nature (stayed with us at Christmas but refused to help prep food, lay the table or clear up afterwards because she 'didn't want to'; she spent most of her time in bed) She has just started a MW job and I overheard her say to DS that since he was not charging her anything to live with him, she will only do three days a week.

DS has a long commute, long hours and two second casual jobs at weekends.

I am worried that he will get fed up of her sponging off him but be unable to get her to leave the flat legally if it is her main home. What rights does she have?

Also she mentioned setting up a sideline business of her own from the spare bedroom of the flat which would involve strangers coming into the house. DS1 told me this is probably illegal and against the lease, and could invalidate the contents insurance. But I think DS would find it hard to say no to her (which in itself is a bit of a problem - he idolises her and she puts him down very subtly but frequently).

AIBU to think we should get some legal advice about her housing rights and rights to operate a small business (similar to hairdressing) from the flat?

Sounds like a whole lot of 'none of your business'.

As for PP 'watch she doesn't get pregnant'... what with a telescope? how would you control that? secretly drugging them with contraception? right back to the 'non of your business'.

Adults who think they have a say in or control of other adults relationships need a therapist. Time to let your kids fly on their own, otherwise they'll fly off and never come back.

Actually it's sensible that she's not paying anything, it gives her absolutely no rights.

Until she does. And then if she does, he should have renters/lodging agreement, or a living together agreement to protect his property.

As to working out the property, only he can manage that. But he's right that it would need to be dealt with properly.

Other than pointing out the practical problems of supporting someone and their business in his home, I don't think there's a lot you can do. This is his choice, and if he's not happy with any part of it it's up to him to manage that. He isn't just waiting for someone to tell him to dump her.

Very good advice here. I was thinking similar.

Your son's girlfriend shouldn't be paying him any rent, that way she will have no claim on his property. She should be paying half of all the bills - council tax, gas, electric, water, broadband, home contents insurance, TV licence etc. She should also be paying for the food and drinks she consumes. She won't have any money left if she's only working three days a week on the minimum wage and paying her share.

The only thing that will make her work full time is for your son to make her go 50/50 on everything. If your son is happy to pay for everything and her wages are hers to blow on make up and clothes there is not a lot you can do.

If they break up and she refuses to leave, he will have to change the locks while she is out and not let her back in (she can collect her belongings at an agreed time and your son should have someone present to ensure she takes her things and leaves).

I'm guessing "MW" is "midweek", but I would also like confirmation of that. 🙏

I'm thinking minimum wage?

Doh! Of course!

Don't feel bad.

I read it as Midwife at first! 🙈

If she has no tenancy agreement and they aren't married I don't see that she has any rights at all.

And I would point out that running a business at the property would certainly impact on the home insurance and the new business must be declared to the insurance company - I do not know about implications regarding the property lease though, perhaps speak to the solicitor who handled the property sale.

If he is happy with the arrangement and so is she then that is down to them. There is no point you getting involved when your opinion hasn’t been asked for, particularly since he might stay with her and go on to have DC, so it is probably in your interests not to alienate her even though you are secretly not too keen.

She sounds like a freeloader, but I'd probably be wary of getting involved.

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Yes, I think it is probably minimum wage. At first I thought it might be mid-week.

If she's not on the mortgage agreement then she has basically zero rights. If son wants her gone, then it's actually better for him that she pays nothing. She's the female equivalent of a cock lodger.

Not quite sure how his Mum can stop that! 🤣

advise him not to allow this, and back off. He’s an adult and won’t appreciate interference. Let him know you are there if needed.

I agree with what @MistressoftheDarkSide has said above. If you do ever meet with your DS when he's not with his GF, could you have a conversation with him (I realise this sounds terribly idiotic but it might work) where you describe a situation that the son of a friend of yours is finding himself in. The friend is asking for advice and you've given yours but you are also looking for the advice of someone from a different generation as to what would be suggested to do.
It might plant a seed with your DS as to his situation. I realise that it might be idiotic but it also might work without you interfering directly into his situation.
Lots of people on MN might be against trying this but if you don't try you won't know.

I think you are being unreasonable in thinking you can do anything about the situation. Your son is an adult, all you can do is be there for him if he needs you. I have run a business from my rented homes over the years and not told my landlords but it didn't involve strangers coming to the house so he really should check the terms of his mortgage to be on the safe side. Hopefully the relationship won't last too long, but we have to let our adult children make their own mistakes.

If your son owns the house, why are you mentioning anything about leases?

You know your ds best, but normally I think it is best to accept adult dc's poor relationship choices (unless it's abusive or violent!). You can make one comment, then leave it and be welcoming and polite. Find someone discreet and loyal to complain to!

Your son is in a far better position, building a career and building equity, than his girlfriend. So what if she is only working 3 days a week, that will be only damaging herself in the long run, not your son. I think you should stay out of it.

He’s an adult so best to mind your own business.

Sounds like this is becoming a project for you so find yourself another one.

If your son wants advice he’ll ask for it.

Presumably it's a leasehold flat that he's bought.