Sick and tired of males pushing boundaries

[Mango182]

I am not encouraging shitty behaviour but it seems like being nice and friendly towards males is constantly getting me in uncomfortable places and I don't understand why it's happening.

I'm currently anxious and feeling really fucking fed up. I work with so many people. Male and female. I treat them all the same. Some I sit and drink tea with in the staff room and natter with. Some I will stop in the corridor and make chit chat like you'd do a auntie in asda. I am never ever flirtatious or suggestive. JUST NICE.

I've recently been messed about by a man I worked with who doesn't work there now. No problem. That was mutual and its done with. But I've made the silly mistake of talking to a man at work over a cuppa about the mistakes I've made with some humour thrown in. Other people were there. We all chatted like adults. He's been with his girlfriend 15 years. I know of her. So all is fine. He's always seemed normal. I asked him for some advice this week about a work issue as I was abit upset with the way something had been handled. Since then he's been messaging me daily. He's apparently thinking of me. He keeps asking if I have ten mins after work to see him. Today he's asked if I'm free at all. It's my day off and no I'm not! He's being creepily weird and I know he's testing the waters and I absolutely hate how shit it feels. He has started writing statuses on fb this week after 3 years of not posting. He's told me he's looked through my pictures and he would marry me if he was single.

I can't cope with this shit. I also gave my number to a local football coach in June. Married! I had to take my son out of coaching after 3 weeks because he was chasing me for sex.

I'm just starting to really hate men. I dont know how to handle this silly dick at work now either. What a twat to think it was at all appropriate. I have really ignored messages for hours and hours. If I don't reply the next day he pops up again. I try push it straight Into polite work chat again and he's pushing it. I don't want to feel uncomfortable. Please advise me. Am I to blame.

Just tell him ‘stop messaging me’
and if he doesn’t report him at work

I understand i would rather not tell work because when I first started I had to report a man 30 years older than me for messaging me. It's the 3rd time this has happened and I hate it because I'm just not looking for male attention. I'm single with kids. I don't want anyone unless it's natural and I have feelings. I no feelings whatsoever for this latest one and I can't believe how he's behaving. I dont know what I've done to make him even think beyond acquaintance/work chatting there's anything.

Well said. Pull on your big girl pants and just say not interested. Cannot understand why this needs to be a big deal.

No he's someone who works in a department at work. He looks like an ex stoner. Really really really not in the slightest bit interested in him. I genuinely liked chatting to him though before all this. He's quite intelligent. But this has thrown me.

Men are simple creatures. Just be honest with us. They showed interest, a simple not interested would suffice. Although if I was your line manager I'd be wondering unless there was something untoward going on, you felt the need to have them deal with somebody messaging you.

Because we work together and it was a work conversation. I also spoke to a female. How is that translating to message me outside of work I want to meet up with you and chat emotionally behind your girlfriends back?

I don't want to involve managers. He's in a 15 year commitment and living with her. So he's crossing a line anyway. But why an earth do people already in relationships behave like this.

His behaviour with another person really isn't your concern. I agree it is poor, but that is between him and his partner.

His talking to you is your concern and easily solved with aforementioned rebuttal.

He doesn't he has my Facebook messenger

I hate the awkwardness. He's been nice and now he's crossed the line and made me feel so awkward. I dont know how to reply

I would stop giving such guys your details. I mean your son's football coach? Married or not, there's a very high probability that that will end awkwardly

I gave him my details to arrange football coaching sessions and receive information on matches etc like thr other 39 parents in the group?

Again there was 39 of us in the football chat on whatsapp. So all parents had given their details to him for information about matches etc. What an earth was I meant to do?

Yep he sent me a dick pic that night! His wife was then stood next to me at football.

Weird comment

colleagues who are peers often consult - op says he has a partner of 15 years so why would she think anything would have come from it. She also consulted with a female colleague

or are we living in a world where men and women can’t speak?!

too much blaming of op here

giving number to coach would have been about the classes.

op - be firm and escalate to management if needed

Ah, sorry, I get you. Rather than leave you should have reported him to the club. That's totally out of order. In fact, why not contact the club now and explain why you had to withdraw your son?