Privacy on my break at work

[GreenwichMeanieTime]

Where I work we have a large staff canteen as we can’t really go out and get food. It sits a lot of people and is noisy, but it also has a quiet area that is kind of sectioned off to the rest. I often go and sit there in my lunch to read my book, or do my emails or go on my phone and surf the net for things I’m researching e.g. holidays. If there’s space I’ll usually sit there.

Nearly every time I do this, someone from my team will come along and sit next to me, and say something like “ oh, you are being antisocial” and they proceed to talk for the remaining hour about work, what’s going on, Janet in accounts, this customer or that manager and their personal problems. I was in work on Friday and it happened again. I was feeling a bit ill after Boxing Day, went for some quiet time and 2 of my colleagues came along and sat with me and never shut up the whole hour.

Now, to get to this area you literally have to go through the whole canteen and go round a bit cordoned off to get to it. If you go there it’s because you want some privacy.

Now I like my work colleagues but I don’t want to talk about work in my lunch break. I’ve got things to do which if I get them done and off my list, my life outside is a lot easier. Also, my work is quite stressful, and I need a break. I need to eat and do something else for a while. On Friday I literally felt like crying when I heard the clatter of trays on the table. They totally ignore that I am reading a book. I go back to my desk feeling like I’ve had no break.

I’ve tried to fudge my lunch break a bit, going early or late, and it’s made a bit of difference but now a couple of them are saying to let them know when I am going so we can have lunch together. Like I said, the talk is all about the company or work gossip. There is one day when they are not in and it was bliss, but then someone from another dept. came and sat next to me and never shut up once and talks so much that I’m late back because I can’t get an opening to say I’ve got to go.

AIBU for wanting a quiet lunch and if so any ideas for getting a break?

Do you drive to work? Can you sit in your car for your break?

not unreasonable. You need to be honest and say ‘I don’t mean to be rude but I need a bit of time to myself at lunch just to decompress’ maybe do 1 or 2 a week with colleagues or you will be seen as weird but the rest you should see as your own. Is there anywhere else you can go once you’ve eaten, eg go for a walk, sit on a bench, in your car?

I’m the same at work OP, I like some down time and it’s hard when colleagues don’t allow you that!

I haven’t found anything perfect but my best solution is to wear large headphones (the over ear kind). People do speak to me still, but I can move the headphone away for a moment to listen and respond and then replace it immediately. I’m sure it comes across as a little stand offish (although I’m very sociable and chatty at other times) but it gets the point across. If people are really persistent I’ll apologetically say I have to get through the last bit of an audiobook before my book club.

People don’t tend to bother me so much now because they know I’m not up for a chat, but it has taken some training!

Put some big headphones on and put your head on the table

You need to work on your assertiveness! I appreciate the difficulty in the first scenario when colleagues join you and it's awkward to tell them you want to be left alone (good advice up-thread), but I can't understand why in the second scenario you don't just glance at the time on your phone, stand up (as they are talking) and say 'shit, I need to go, it's five to one!'

YANBU - I used to go to sit in my car.

I've now changed my lunch break so it's super early, and I avoid the most demanding people.

Just tell them
Sorry, I need some quiet, I've got a headache/want to read my book/don't want to talk
Put headphones in

Same! Unless I'm in the mood I say don't wait for me I'm going to sit in my car and be antisocial. They don't like it as it's a 'wait and go together ' break culture but I partake sometimes maybe 1/3 so I'm not hated/get to know my colleagues a bit...

This 👆

Although, just put the headphones on and keep reading.

May need a bit more explanation!

can’t really go out and get food - but are you compelled to only eat food from the canteen? Could you not bring in your own food and eat it elsewhere? I appreciate there might be security or hygiene concerns - but if not?

large staff canteen suggests a large workplace. Are there no other locations on the site where you can find some quiet space? If not your car (maybe you don’t drive to work) then a library / meetings room / storage area?

I suspect there are ways you could carve out some time and space for yourself. Maybe wolf down your canteen meal in ten minutes and then spend the rest of your lunch hour elsewhere?

Gosh I hate it when people do this. I love that we are now hybrid for this reason!

I only get a 30 minute lunch. I need some actual downtime!

Oh I hate this. Where I work now is fine, but my last job - I felt like I was never alone! I started to wear headphones - and then would get people waving at me and refusing to stop trying to get my attention.

I ended up being pretty blunt after I kept getting jokes about trying to avoid them - and they made it clear they were deliberately looking for me during lunchtimes.

I asked them why they were doing this, when it was obvious I wanted some quiet time to myself at lunchtime? That me wanting time to myself was nothing personal, so why did they feel the need to follow me and then make passive aggressive digs about it? I said I liked them all but this was getting beyond a joke and actually making me dread coming to work, because the only time they left me alone was when I went to the loo.

It was a bit awkward for a couple of days but they stopped, and it blew over.

Headphones
It's no excuse to be late you have to interrupt what they're saying. Don't worry about being rude they are being rude

I hate this too, another vote for large headphones!

Well, the headphones are a great idea but no need to put your head on the table - simply read your book or be on your laptop/phone; they won't know if you're listening to music or anything else for that matter will they?

If the area you sit in has windows could you move your chair slightly you're looking outside??

This is what I took to doing in one job. I started taking a flask of coffee and a packed lunch and in winter even a blanket.

You're not being antisocial, you're being pro-solitude! I like to reframe it this way as it makes it more positive.

I'm direct so I just say it, or my face says it. That's clearly not working for you, so you might need to try going somewhere else if that's an option.

went for some quiet time and 2 of my colleagues came along and sat with me and never shut up the whole hour.

So this sounds like they were doing all the talking and you are providing an ear hole service rather than an engaging conversation which everyone is included. To me is just rude but so many people do this.

Noice cancelling headphones are one option or finding a complete different location. I am guessing quiet area does not mean no talking.

Could you make a staff well-being request to HR/management asking that signs are put up in this little bit saying 'quiet area'?

Nope, not remotely unreasonable. Before I was wfh, I worked in office with a small team, but a few of us would be in our lunch at the same time. I would almost always go to the quiet area to read (pretty much always got a book on the go) and at least one colleague would always come to “keep me company” 🙄

Eventually, I started locking myself in a small office to have my lunch and read in peace 🤣

I would spend all of my working day talking to my colleagues, I did not want to talk in my previous hour of quiet time

Can you bring in your own lunch and go and sit in a meeting/board room instead?

Can you put on earphones and ignore them? Noise cancelling headphones and an eyemask?

Can you ask whoever runs meetings to reiterate the purpose of the quiet area and maybe put some no talking signs up?