Privacy on my break at work

[GreenwichMeanieTime]

Where I work we have a large staff canteen as we can’t really go out and get food. It sits a lot of people and is noisy, but it also has a quiet area that is kind of sectioned off to the rest. I often go and sit there in my lunch to read my book, or do my emails or go on my phone and surf the net for things I’m researching e.g. holidays. If there’s space I’ll usually sit there.

Nearly every time I do this, someone from my team will come along and sit next to me, and say something like “ oh, you are being antisocial” and they proceed to talk for the remaining hour about work, what’s going on, Janet in accounts, this customer or that manager and their personal problems. I was in work on Friday and it happened again. I was feeling a bit ill after Boxing Day, went for some quiet time and 2 of my colleagues came along and sat with me and never shut up the whole hour.

Now, to get to this area you literally have to go through the whole canteen and go round a bit cordoned off to get to it. If you go there it’s because you want some privacy.

Now I like my work colleagues but I don’t want to talk about work in my lunch break. I’ve got things to do which if I get them done and off my list, my life outside is a lot easier. Also, my work is quite stressful, and I need a break. I need to eat and do something else for a while. On Friday I literally felt like crying when I heard the clatter of trays on the table. They totally ignore that I am reading a book. I go back to my desk feeling like I’ve had no break.

I’ve tried to fudge my lunch break a bit, going early or late, and it’s made a bit of difference but now a couple of them are saying to let them know when I am going so we can have lunch together. Like I said, the talk is all about the company or work gossip. There is one day when they are not in and it was bliss, but then someone from another dept. came and sat next to me and never shut up once and talks so much that I’m late back because I can’t get an opening to say I’ve got to go.

AIBU for wanting a quiet lunch and if so any ideas for getting a break?

Its not unreasonable but not difficult either, just tell them nicely that you come to the quiet zone because you need some quiet time.

Who supports people where you work, who perhaps need extra support then? Say an autistic person who needs reasonable adjustments made?

Wouldn't it be HR to do that?

Why can't you leave the building? I would go out for a walk if people kept bothering me.

Wrong! The fact that YOU don't recall means that you are probably one of those people who expect others to be constantly gagging to talk to you and cannot notice or respect the choices of others.

Blimey - slightly worrying that as someone who ‘leads’ an HR department you’re THIS unsupportive! Let’s hope there are no disability at work type disputes for you to sort out.

Why I sit in my car at lunch break sometimes.

Wear noise cancelling earphones and don't engage while 'pretending' to be captivated by your phone/kindle/book. Hopefully, they'll take the hint.

What a ridiculous thing to say. You sound very lacking in imagination and possibly people skills.

It was clearly an example. The police for example are very supportive of autistic colleagues who might need private space alone, to concentrate, eat lunch etc.
You literally said above ‘…breaks CAN come into play…’.

I have no idea if the OP is ND, however. I was pointing out that if there’s a quiet space, it should be be used as that and no, not everybody can ‘use their words’ and may find verbal situations like the OP’s tricky to sort out without support.

I used to sit in my car for lunch and a colleague would bang on the window asking me if I'm OK.

I only worked there two days a week thankfully.

It was shit but she had a lot of influence.

Once I had told her I was 'listening to the radio' a couple of times, she buggered off and got used to me sitting in my car at lunchtime.

I had a colleague who would start from the second she came in at 7am
One day she actually took a breath between words and said "you're very quiet, are you ok?"
I said "yeah I'm fine but it's 7.15am, I haven't had my first coffee and I don't do mornings so I prefer some peace and quiet until later"
She was fine, and stopped talking at me from then on

Buy some of those huge round earphones which people can see on your head

If they come over to you, point to the ear phones

I studied on the OU for many years and used my lunchbreaks for that. And i'd be sitting in the furthest corner with my books/laptop whatever, headphones on and colleagues would plump themselves down and start talking.

Eventually i just said: go away, I'm busy.

got told i was rude.

So i started booking a meeting room and taking my lunch in there, closed the door and put a wedge under it so nobody could get in. It was rubbish, but it worked.

I always go out for a walk during lunch time and eat my lunch (non-smelly) at my desk afterwards.

Very big headphones? you don't have to have music on, just a visible sign that you are not listening.

But this is one of those MN things where people just need to speak up and be honest. You don't have to be rude, but you have to be clear and firm.

I feel for you. Some people are so obtuse, that they think they are doing you a favour by interrupting your quiet time. It's all very well saying use your words, but if some gossipy thicko thinks you're deserving of her stream of babble, those words might not be heard.

And if a work place has provided a quiet space, it is perfectly reasonable for the leadership team to remind colleagues that's what it's for.

Or they are ignoring (consciously or not) the fact that the OP has gone to the quiet area to be quiet. It is not unsociable or unfriendly to want to be alone on a break at work.

Tell your colleagues that you are busy and need to sit alone. Don't say 'sorry' but do say something like: much as I love chatting with you, I need my lunchtimes to recharge quietly.

A few awkward instances of telling them point blank that you cannot speak to them, should do the trick. Most people will not repeatedly try to sit with you once you have sent them packing once or twice.

It's hard to lay down boundaries, but if it sends you back to work smiling and ready to be with people - totally worth it.

Go and find a nice bench outside somewhere. Bloke I used to work with used to take a 'wellbeing walk' every lunch hour and just walk outside with headphones on. Just do that maybe. Are you neuro diverse?

You've reminded me of the lengths I used to go to for a proper break when I worked in an office full of extroverted, very sociable young people (I was a young person myself then!). Standing by a motorway, good grief!

I had an hours break and we were a couple of minutes walk from a small town. Nowhere in the building could I be left alone. I started taking early/late lunches and walking into the town to sit in the park, but someone would always tag along and ruin it.

Once I learned to drive, I'd sit in my car. But as the car park was right outside the building and everyone smoked there too then, this didn't stop people knocking on your window or just opening your passenger door and joining you. If someone did that now I'd tell them to fuck off, but I was much more timid as a 20-something.

I found two options that worked in the end. I had allocated parking at work so could come and go without issue. So I would get in my car and drive to a nearby large supermarket, park far away from the entrance, have a peaceful 40 minutes and then drive back to work.

Or I would disappear from my desk a few minutes before someone could tag along on a walk to town and sneak out. I found a tiny cafe that was frequented mostly by elderly ladies that did lovely sandwiches. I'd take a magazine, grab a table at the back and was never discovered by any of my youthful colleagues there.

None of which helps OP but it did unlock a memory I'd long forgotten!

These days I am much more confident and if I were OP I would tell them once politely, and if I needed to tell them again it would be less polite. Stand up for yourself OP! There is nothing wrong with being unsociable in your own time, which your break is.

It's definitely worth exploring the building and immediately surrounding area and seeing if you can find a quiet spot too. It's lovely to have a break to look forward to knowing you'll have some solitude.