Privacy on my break at work

[GreenwichMeanieTime]

Where I work we have a large staff canteen as we can’t really go out and get food. It sits a lot of people and is noisy, but it also has a quiet area that is kind of sectioned off to the rest. I often go and sit there in my lunch to read my book, or do my emails or go on my phone and surf the net for things I’m researching e.g. holidays. If there’s space I’ll usually sit there.

Nearly every time I do this, someone from my team will come along and sit next to me, and say something like “ oh, you are being antisocial” and they proceed to talk for the remaining hour about work, what’s going on, Janet in accounts, this customer or that manager and their personal problems. I was in work on Friday and it happened again. I was feeling a bit ill after Boxing Day, went for some quiet time and 2 of my colleagues came along and sat with me and never shut up the whole hour.

Now, to get to this area you literally have to go through the whole canteen and go round a bit cordoned off to get to it. If you go there it’s because you want some privacy.

Now I like my work colleagues but I don’t want to talk about work in my lunch break. I’ve got things to do which if I get them done and off my list, my life outside is a lot easier. Also, my work is quite stressful, and I need a break. I need to eat and do something else for a while. On Friday I literally felt like crying when I heard the clatter of trays on the table. They totally ignore that I am reading a book. I go back to my desk feeling like I’ve had no break.

I’ve tried to fudge my lunch break a bit, going early or late, and it’s made a bit of difference but now a couple of them are saying to let them know when I am going so we can have lunch together. Like I said, the talk is all about the company or work gossip. There is one day when they are not in and it was bliss, but then someone from another dept. came and sat next to me and never shut up once and talks so much that I’m late back because I can’t get an opening to say I’ve got to go.

AIBU for wanting a quiet lunch and if so any ideas for getting a break?

can you have an audiobook, and sit with your eyes closed?

Tell them you're on Smoko and to leave you alone!

Seriously though I feel the same as you and need to de-people. When they said you are anti social why didn't you say something like ' you are exactly right!, thats why I'm here!'
Put some airbeds in and tell them your catching up on a podcast.

If she had a car there she’d go at the start.

I’d put big headphones on.

You should not have to sit in a car. I don’t like anyone eating in my car and that is what the canteen/quiet space is for.

Afraid you will have to use your words here OP and wear earphones.

That would drive me mad.

I'd suggest getting large earphones and putting them on, even if you're not using them.

Can you quiety talk to HR or someone and ask them to send a company email around reminding people of the quiet area rules?

Another vote for headphones and honesty 'Sorry Sandra/Brian, I really need this time to catch up with personal emails/decompress with my book'. I know you'll understand. I'll talk to you later'.
Big smile, headphones back on, resume reading and breathe a sign of relief as Sandra/Brian fucks off.

Do not say you will join them another time, you'll regret it. Honesty, who are these intrusive arseholes that can't take a hint?!

I think there are two options. The first is to be firm and friendly and tell these people that you enjoy lunch alone because you need the quiet time to recharge. The big headphones are a great idea to highlight point.

The second option is to explore your workplace. Check the building and around it, maybe walking five minutes in various directions and check if there is space somewhere to sit for lunch, maybe see if there is a cafe close by or a hidden little lunch spot that you can go to for peace and quiet. I have found several great and private lunch spots this way.

It's obviously not being used for the purpose it was set up for . Talk to HR and tell them this , as it was obviously set up for a reason . Hopefully they will sort it out .

I don't recall until recently people not wanting to socialise during a lunch break. I wonder why a growing group of people can't cope with normal human social behaviour any more developed since when we were monkeys.

This would drive me crazy. I work in a school where most of the staff are extroverts with limited social awareness. So, if you are sitting quietly in the staffroom eating your lunch, for example, one of the loud extroverts will crash into the room and declare "it's like a fucking morgue in here!" Thus shattering the peace and labelling anyone who is sitting quietly as boring and antisocial. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Some people just don't understand the need of others to have quiet time.

I agree ask HR to re launch the quiet zone. Or, if your colleagues aren't shy about what they want, then don't be shy about what you want. Be pleasant, but smile and say sorry not ignoring you but I really need to sort out buying x / booking y this lunchtime and just carry on

Go for a walk? If anyone tries to come along say you have to make some phone calls.

I worked in a call centre like this once. I was so desperate for peace in my lunch break, but was hounded by colleagues who believed their presence and chatter was a precious gift to bestow. I wasn’t there for a career so (when hints and cues were not taken) just offended them by saying I needed a break from them. Own the “antisocial” and “rude” label they are trying to stick on you.

I'd be honest and say not being anti social just need some quiet time and put your ear phones in!

Easiest thing to do would be

Just to interrupt you Janet, I don't want to talk about work during my break, it's not a break if im talking about work. I came here, to the quiet zone to sit and relax for some mindful moments, so I'm going to read my book now, happy to chat about work in worktime, thanks. (eyes down cutting off all conversation)

Nothing nasty, no apology.

Agree with everyone who suggested big noise cancelling headphones.

Also practise saying, "I don't really feel like talking right now, Linda."

@Halfemptyhalfling pretty sure the OP can cope with “normal human social behaviour”. Wanting 30mins to read a book and not talk to people if your work is stressful, life is more stressful isn’t that odd.

It is in fact antisocial and I think that rather than denying that it is antisocial it's better to own that and say there's nothing wrong with being antisocial.

We don't have to be sociable all the time. We don't have to be sociable with our colleagues at all, if we don't want to.

All that is actually required of us is basic politeness. And saying, "Excuse me, I'm just having some quiet time, can this conversation wait until we are back on the clock?" or "I really don't feel like talking right now" or "I'm on my lunch break and don't want to discuss work matters while I'm not being paid to think about them" is perfectly polite.

Wear headphones and tell them you’re listening to an audible book

😂👀😂😂

Sorry, I'm really enjoying this book right now so I'm just going to read it. We can catch up later.

Just need to sort these emails / find ideas for X so I'm going to focus on this. Let's chat when we're back at our desk.

I'm not feeling great so if you don't mind I'm just going to go sit quiet over there. See you later.

Is this area definitely meant for sitting in silence, or have you just decided that it is your quiet space? Would you object, if every chair was occupied by quiet people? Or would that be annoying? Just trying to gauge if your expectation of using this particular space, is reasonable.

I'm pretty sure we always needed to de-monkey since olden times and days of yore.

Where has the OP said she “can’t cope” with being sociable? She just doesn’t want to spend her break that way every day, and has chosen to use a designated quiet area to get the space she wants.

If anything, I’d say it’s her colleagues who can’t cope with normal behaviour. A sign saying “Quiet area” means be quiet. What are they struggling to understand?

There's a big difference between "can't cope with" and "don't want to".

Nobody owes you airtime on their break.