Privacy on my break at work

[GreenwichMeanieTime]

Where I work we have a large staff canteen as we can’t really go out and get food. It sits a lot of people and is noisy, but it also has a quiet area that is kind of sectioned off to the rest. I often go and sit there in my lunch to read my book, or do my emails or go on my phone and surf the net for things I’m researching e.g. holidays. If there’s space I’ll usually sit there.

Nearly every time I do this, someone from my team will come along and sit next to me, and say something like “ oh, you are being antisocial” and they proceed to talk for the remaining hour about work, what’s going on, Janet in accounts, this customer or that manager and their personal problems. I was in work on Friday and it happened again. I was feeling a bit ill after Boxing Day, went for some quiet time and 2 of my colleagues came along and sat with me and never shut up the whole hour.

Now, to get to this area you literally have to go through the whole canteen and go round a bit cordoned off to get to it. If you go there it’s because you want some privacy.

Now I like my work colleagues but I don’t want to talk about work in my lunch break. I’ve got things to do which if I get them done and off my list, my life outside is a lot easier. Also, my work is quite stressful, and I need a break. I need to eat and do something else for a while. On Friday I literally felt like crying when I heard the clatter of trays on the table. They totally ignore that I am reading a book. I go back to my desk feeling like I’ve had no break.

I’ve tried to fudge my lunch break a bit, going early or late, and it’s made a bit of difference but now a couple of them are saying to let them know when I am going so we can have lunch together. Like I said, the talk is all about the company or work gossip. There is one day when they are not in and it was bliss, but then someone from another dept. came and sat next to me and never shut up once and talks so much that I’m late back because I can’t get an opening to say I’ve got to go.

AIBU for wanting a quiet lunch and if so any ideas for getting a break?

Could you be sociable some days and not others? They are trying to be inclusive and friendly

Have you spoken to them about how you feel? I'm guessing they don't know you don't want to be interrupted - how about a gentle but firm conversation with them?

Omg I’d hate this. I would just tell them to piss off and why but you seem to want to avoid that. You need earbuds, put them in, and every so often say a word (while you are reading/surfing/whatever). When they approach put your hands in prayer position, smile a big smile, and mouth ‘sorry’ as if you were on the phone. When they ask you what you are doing invent something that works for you: I joined a group that talks about my favourite hobby, I’m a history fanatic and I listen to these talks each of us give in rotation, my friend feels lonely because she split with partner so I call her every day…whatever. They’ll leave you alone after a while. Just light and breezy, as if you really enjoyed doing it

It is a good idea about having a manager remind people of the quiet zone.
"Like the Quiet Carriage on a train, it is secluded for a reason. Try not to interupt people who relax there by talking or playing loud music."

Stand your ground.
Keep claiming a right to have a quiet break.
Choose a table with only one chair.

Agree that you are being anti social.
"Yes, I am choosing to have some private research this lunch time. Don't take offense, it's nothing personal.
Wear large bright earphones.
Then concentrate on what you are doing and don't reply.

Remember to be your normal, social self back in the office.

Sit in the car

I say to my DH that I walk to this secluded area, pick the most distant table, and then sit with my back to the rest of the room and they still come over. There are “Quiet Area” signs but people still put themselves on speakerphone or watch videos.

I don’t drive to work.

Sometimes I get accosted on the train and walk in which again takes up precious time to do other things.

Tell them it's your new years resolution to use your lunch hour for self improvement so you won't be engaging with others.
If they join you just move to the next table "I'll move over here to let you chat while I read"

As pp suggested maybe once a week/ occasionally be sociable at lunch

You have to be blunt - colleagues never seem tonoick up on subtle hints.

It sounds like they think you need company and they are trying to be kind.

I wonder if one day you stay for a bit and are friendly and chat then half way through say, excuse me I suddenly feel a bit nauseous and go and sit in the car?
Something like that so it doesn't seem like your being unfriendly.
Then I would stagger where I sit so sit there some days and find somewhere else to go there must be a little nook somewhere

Yes, I agree that I need to be sociable with them sometimes. I don’t think they are trying to keep me company, I think it’s more about them and not being able to sit alone and do something themselves.

I just find it draining. I have a lot of things I’ve got to deal with outside of work and I need to get stuff done. Also, working, sorting out my house and DC, sometimes the lunch break I get is one of the times I get a bit of me time, and a bit of peace and quiet.

My job also involves dealing with a lot of issues on the phone, and I need the quiet time and break.

With the second example, why wouldn’t you just stand up, say ‘Whoops it’s 2 o clock, I’ve got to go’?

Failing that, maybe you could talk to your manager and ask if there are any meeting rooms you can use over lunch as you’re finding you need some quiet time over lunch and colleagues aren’t letting you?

Amazon sell these for just these kinds of situation 😂

That's ridiculous.
Honestly op just speak up.

I've come to the quiet area for some solitude so I won't be joining in your conversation.

And then ignore.

I don't understand why you can't just tell them.

"Sorry I've sat here to have some privacy to get XYZ done. Lets have lunch together on Wednesday"

And then make the effort to have every Wednesday as a social lunch so they know what to expect from you.

In the morning, if people are travelling the same way and want to chat, you just need to say: sorry I want to use my commute to read/scroll my phone/do my online shop - whatever. I have people who cannot read the social cue of people wanting to be left alone on their commute! The tube I used to get to the office became “the work tube” as it got to the office in time and I regularly saw colleagues in the same carriage and none of us talked to each other until we were on the other side.

One of my responses to these situations (I work with a lot of talkers where getting up & walking out of the room has somehow not provided the hint I hoped) has been ‘do you mind, my ears need a rest please can go somewhere else and talk.’

no need to be overly polite because they aren’t.

OP im extroverted and years ago I would have sat with you as I thought I was doing you a favour. Im now older and wiser and wouldn’t disturb you.

I think you need to be honest, just say oh sorry I’m really into my book and wanted some quiet time today, just make sure you are friendly and people should be ok with this. After a while they should get the message

Have boundaries. Be clear.

“I'm busy. Speak to you later. Bye. “

I get this. Fortunately my team understood it too l. But in my case I could use my classroom and sit in front of the computer. Some of the time I was planning, but it also meant that I could look at though I was working, when i was just tuning out.

I can't think of anything other than being quite straightforward and saying 'sorry, I really need some quiet time' or after five minutes of chat 'well it's been nice, but it's time I got back to my book or I'll never finish it'

And yes, maybe approach management about giving the message that the quiet area is to be respected as such.

If you are not comfortable telling them you want own space, perhaps you could speak to management in confidence and see if you can arrange to have your lunch break in a meeting room behind a closed door.

cant they see you are reading?

otherwise, can you go for a walk

YANBU. I work in school and it’s hard because you’re surrounded by chn then the staff room is packed because everyone’s lunch break is the same. Kids come in and out for this and that. It’s hard to switch off. Sometimes I eat then go for a walk but mostly is sit and chat or use mu phone. We can’t talk freely in class obviously so I don’t mind chatting with colleagues as we only see each other at lunch.

Point to the "Quiet Area" signs and tell them you'll talk about work things when you're back at work?