Privacy on my break at work

[GreenwichMeanieTime]

Where I work we have a large staff canteen as we can’t really go out and get food. It sits a lot of people and is noisy, but it also has a quiet area that is kind of sectioned off to the rest. I often go and sit there in my lunch to read my book, or do my emails or go on my phone and surf the net for things I’m researching e.g. holidays. If there’s space I’ll usually sit there.

Nearly every time I do this, someone from my team will come along and sit next to me, and say something like “ oh, you are being antisocial” and they proceed to talk for the remaining hour about work, what’s going on, Janet in accounts, this customer or that manager and their personal problems. I was in work on Friday and it happened again. I was feeling a bit ill after Boxing Day, went for some quiet time and 2 of my colleagues came along and sat with me and never shut up the whole hour.

Now, to get to this area you literally have to go through the whole canteen and go round a bit cordoned off to get to it. If you go there it’s because you want some privacy.

Now I like my work colleagues but I don’t want to talk about work in my lunch break. I’ve got things to do which if I get them done and off my list, my life outside is a lot easier. Also, my work is quite stressful, and I need a break. I need to eat and do something else for a while. On Friday I literally felt like crying when I heard the clatter of trays on the table. They totally ignore that I am reading a book. I go back to my desk feeling like I’ve had no break.

I’ve tried to fudge my lunch break a bit, going early or late, and it’s made a bit of difference but now a couple of them are saying to let them know when I am going so we can have lunch together. Like I said, the talk is all about the company or work gossip. There is one day when they are not in and it was bliss, but then someone from another dept. came and sat next to me and never shut up once and talks so much that I’m late back because I can’t get an opening to say I’ve got to go.

AIBU for wanting a quiet lunch and if so any ideas for getting a break?

And very rude too as evidenced in her reply to my post further up the thread.

There's obviously an issue with the quiet area not being used as it should beyond the OP's individual problem because she says people are playing videos and having conversations on speakerphones in there. In which case a polite email, from HR or whichever department is responsible for providing the quiet area, reminding people of what it is for, could be useful.

Maybe try telling your colleagues that you value your quiet time at lunch and you're not in the mood to talk. That would be the adult approach.

This is exactly why I go and sit in my car every break time.

Any chance of a slightly later lunch, so you can let them go in first? Then you can park yourself somewhere away from them.

Some of the people on this thread are probably the ones who get on trains and insist on striking up interminable conversations with total strangers who are pecefully reading their books and enjoying a quiet journey.

Just NO. OP does not need to 'socialise' if she doesn’t want to. But she does need to say, politely, that she needs quiet time by herself to catch up with tasks.

Put headphones on and if someone talks to/at you, take one side of the headphones out /move it to the side, answer them politely and put it straight back on again. I do this all the time and it usually works.

Umm, perhaps because some people would take that badly and create awkwardness going forward?

Completely agree with this. I spent a lot of time in my sons;' nursery and can confirm that the staff there do indeed spend a lot of time teaching the toddlers to five year olds to ' use their words' to assert themselves if another kid is doing something to them that they don't like. Let that sink in.

Professional adults can indeed also ' use their words' to assert themselves and do have a duty to do so, rather than run to a third party, in situations like the one OP describes.

Its absolutely extraordinary that posters are trying to argue that this is a HR issue. Its not. Its a matter of one adult calmly communicating their lunchtime preference to another adult.

What incapable adults has society raised that they honestly think this needs a third party intervention?!

Are you honestly arguing that adults should not assert reasonable boundaries as it might cause 'awkwardness'???

This is extraordinary!

So what if the other person feels a bit put out!? That's for them to manage their feelings. Not for OP not to have a reasonable boundary.

Its almost 2025! Do women honestly still think they are not allowed the most basic and most reasonable boundaries, not even requesting a quiet lunch alone, because it might cause a bit of 'awkwardness' !!!!!

OMG its like feminism never happened! We really need to bring back proper feminism and Women's Studies courses at university or something. This thread has genuinely appalled me.

This is another reason that I love being ND.

I’d happily tell someone to leave me alone as I’m not in the mood for chatting and I’d give no fucks in doing so. If someone feels put out by that, well that’s their problem to solve, not mine.

If you’re always straightforward with people, they soon get over their hump and are generally respectful of your honesty.

Oh jeeze. You've just reminded me of a teaching assistant who started talking to me before she even walked through the door. She started in the corridor when she couldn't even see me!

In the end I used to save the jobs I had to do outside the classroom (gathering resources, communicating with other teaching staff etc), for just before she arrived. I also did the same "I'm not a morning person" thing when she talked at me. I didn't give her eye contact and made sure I was doing something that needed my full attention, and said it in an apologetic tone.

Ear / head phones and tell them youre listening to a podcast?

Bring in ear phones and mention that you play soothing music to help with low level headaches.

Smile and say hope you understand, put them back on and ignore.

I feel for you, it sounds awful.

Play the headache card.
Pity you have to though.

Haven't RTFT, while you're 100% right in wanting peace and quiet it might be a tricky one as you can't really stop people sitting nearby. Big headphones would help, and you just smiling and nodding at colleagues and not removing headphones, but I can't help but think I'd still have my nice solitude and quiet ruined if people where hovering around. It's a bit tricky.

I stopped having lunch years ago and go for a walk at lunch time

I really need my lunch time to be silent so I can recharge.

Sit in the main bit, wait until they come in and sit down. Then stand up, say excuse me, and move to the quiet bit. Don’t apologise or explain.

Why would you do this? That is odd and a bit rude.

Why not just explain before hand that you like to use lunchtime to be by yourself and catch up on your own stuff and you'd prefer it if they did not come to chat you at lunchtime?

For heaven's sake, no one is suggesting that HR calls everyone in for individual meetings to discuss this, or hosts an all-day personal space awareness workshop.

There’s a designated quiet area. People aren’t using it as such. Two minutes to send an email saying “Please respect the quiet area and keep conversation to an absolute minimum” should not be a big ask for an HR team. It’s literally asking employees to make sure they’re abiding by a policy the company has implemented. That’s actually exactly what (amongst many other things) HR is for!

Maybe you got so excited about your award that you thought you were above covering the basics.

You need to speak with them, preferably before lunchtime, and if needs be, bluntly. Better that they never approach you at lunchtime at all.

surely that is their problem and not the OP's?

This is why I used to sit in my car, just the noise in general. I understand you don't have a car but headphones seems a good idea or maybe set a day with colleagues where you eat together then spend the week rest solo so you can recharge.

@GreenwichMeanieTime I would just tell them that you don't want to waste your break from work when they are work and disturbing you.

Sometimes blunt is better and quicker

Also recommend headphones. Don't take them off if they come over, just smile and then focus again on lunch / phone etc.

Of course they should assert their boundaries, but sometimes in a workplace situation I can see it creating difficulties if the other person decides to get all huffy about it.

And this issue has nothing to do with gender for me btw, so you're way off base with your assumptions in the last two paragraphs.