Privacy on my break at work

[GreenwichMeanieTime]

Where I work we have a large staff canteen as we can’t really go out and get food. It sits a lot of people and is noisy, but it also has a quiet area that is kind of sectioned off to the rest. I often go and sit there in my lunch to read my book, or do my emails or go on my phone and surf the net for things I’m researching e.g. holidays. If there’s space I’ll usually sit there.

Nearly every time I do this, someone from my team will come along and sit next to me, and say something like “ oh, you are being antisocial” and they proceed to talk for the remaining hour about work, what’s going on, Janet in accounts, this customer or that manager and their personal problems. I was in work on Friday and it happened again. I was feeling a bit ill after Boxing Day, went for some quiet time and 2 of my colleagues came along and sat with me and never shut up the whole hour.

Now, to get to this area you literally have to go through the whole canteen and go round a bit cordoned off to get to it. If you go there it’s because you want some privacy.

Now I like my work colleagues but I don’t want to talk about work in my lunch break. I’ve got things to do which if I get them done and off my list, my life outside is a lot easier. Also, my work is quite stressful, and I need a break. I need to eat and do something else for a while. On Friday I literally felt like crying when I heard the clatter of trays on the table. They totally ignore that I am reading a book. I go back to my desk feeling like I’ve had no break.

I’ve tried to fudge my lunch break a bit, going early or late, and it’s made a bit of difference but now a couple of them are saying to let them know when I am going so we can have lunch together. Like I said, the talk is all about the company or work gossip. There is one day when they are not in and it was bliss, but then someone from another dept. came and sat next to me and never shut up once and talks so much that I’m late back because I can’t get an opening to say I’ve got to go.

AIBU for wanting a quiet lunch and if so any ideas for getting a break?

Just tell your colleagues

'I am taking early lunches because I want some quiet time. So if you see me in the quiet room, please don't sit with me. I'm not being rude, just explaining why I sit in the quiet room.'

I am fairly social and enjoying chatting with colleagues from other departments at lunch (mainly because I need some female company as I work in a male dominated team) but there are times, often when its been a shit of a morning, and I want some peace and quiet. There is nothing wrong with being anti-social as long as you are respectful to your colleagues.

Its shocking that some people cannot take a hint or read the room.

I wear headphones and occasionally say "yeah" out loud so people think I'm on the phone.

You may not recall it but it's always been true. OPs behaviour is just as normal as her colleagues (more so in fact) and perfectly reasonable, and in no way suggests she is unable to cope with anything.

The only one who needs to develop here is you. You're out of order.

It's not recently for me
Try working in a call centre, you're all peopled/talked out by lunch and I want 30 mins without having to say anything when doing 130 calls a day

This.

The number of people who can't cope with being quiet in a designated quiet area is much greater than the number of people who can't cope with being sociable.

Set a boundary with your colleagues “if I am in the quiet area it’s because I need time to decompress by myself or get a home related task done. Not being rude, just the way my brain works. Thanks for understanding.”

Can you go out for a walk at lunchtime - if the weathers good - and find a bench to sit on ?

Could you wear headphones and then when the person comes and sits down just point to the headphones and then mouth ‘sorry, can’t hear I’m a bit busy’ and ignore them the whole time? If you do this a couple of times instead of engaging with them they’ll soon get bored, the reason they keep sitting with you is they think you don’t mind because you obviously don’t give any indication you do and because you let them chat to you.

I would put headphones on, big obvious headphones.

I would put headphones on and say I was on a group call / listening to a message / doing an online course / whatever and move away ‘as you can’t hear’.

I sit in my car. A couple of others do it too x

Perhaps you can ask someone in HR or whichever department is responsible if there can be reminders sent out that the quiet area in the canteen is meant to be quiet and that means no videos, conversations on speaker phones and respecting people's wish to have some time out away from others. If people want to chat they should use the larger area of the canteen.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this OP. Some people really don't understand why others aren't wired as they are and it can make life more uncomfortable than it has to be. Using your lunch breaks to catch up on life admin, read and recharge is entirely legitimate - it's your time to use how you like. PPs have offered some good advice; an idea I'd suggest is that if you're reading, a fat (physical) book might be more of a buffer than an ebook on a tiny device. As someone who loves my Kindle, I don't like to say it, but I'm not sure ereaders and ebooks are taken as seriously. The more determinedly obtuse won't be deterred even if you've got a brick-sized copy of War and Peace in front of you, but it might work on those with some social awareness.

You wonder why everyone isn’t the same as you? Ok then. 🤔

I think bringing a non-messy packed lunch and trying to find another area of your work that doesn't get used much around lunchtime is probably your best bet if you don't have a car.

Noise cancelling over ear headphones. When they come over point to them, smile and say you are listening to an audiobook or something. Also great for public transport. You can just have some gentle white noise/flowing brooks, that sort of thing if you don’t want to listen to music or a book. Get some decent ones, they are worth every penny you spend.

I do feel for you OP. The relentless grind of bollocks talked by those you have to work with. If you want to be left alone you’re accused of being miserable. No, you’re just clinging on by your finger tips x

This.

You just need to tell them. They are interacting with you based on their standards and expectations which are different from yours, but they don't know that as you have not talked to them about it.

Tell them what you are up to and you are choosing to be alone at lunch. They are not psychic. You need to actually communicate.

Totally get you!

I get 20 minutes break per day. I work in education, so am talked at and touched constantly in my work hours. The kids take over every thought and I NEED that time with no school noise in my head... Other staff disagree.

As the staffroom is completely unable to facilitate this and I don't have a classroom (and that's fair. I need silence, but other's need to vent), I bought a very water proof coat. I have a coffee at extreme speed, quick wee and then hide by a near by motorway for my break. If I stand right, my own body keeps my phone dry from rain so I can read if I want to.

Is there anywhere you could hide? I bet there's somewhere... My back up for unbelievably bad weather is hiding in a large cupboard. I've even got a cushion in there. Find a good hidey-hole!

Totally feel for you. I’ve worked in similar places and occasionally resorted to sitting in a big cupboard for the odd five minutes of peace. Headphones and being honest sound like a good option.

Definitely get someone to put up ‘quiet/no talking area’ signage and then also ask the canteen/HR is they can install tables for 1 - only 1 chair etc.
This would deter people i think.
Or ask HR to make a ‘sensory hub’ for people who want absolutely no noise and want to self regulate during their breaks. Then ask that a newsletter email type thing is sent to everyone, explaining that the sensory hub/quiet canteen area is purely for those who want to be alone at break times.

I find this thread extraordinary.

So many posts finding roundabout ways to avoid the colleagues, lying about being in a work meeting ( EVERY lunch time?) and so on. When the obvious solution is to simply say to colleagues, ' 'Sorry, this is the only time of day I have a bit of down time to be by myself and read a book or catch up on personal admin. I really just want to be by myself and get on with my own things. If you see me at lunchtime, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't sit next to me.'

Can you speak to the canteen manager and ask them to implement a quiet table? Ask them to put a sign on it.