Page 9 | suggestions on how to say "please leave now".

cosmobrown · 2024-12-29T17:25:05+00:00

It's a MIL one I'm afraid. She has form for outstaying her welcome and not realising it. Please suggest some gentle but not too subtle phrases please! This thread is light hearted really. (ish!)

Nikitaspearlearring · 30/12/2024 13:48

HornungTheHelpful · 29/12/2024 17:29

I’m inspired. I’m going to go with “would you like a cup of tea before your long drive?”

Nooooo! What if they say yes and you've got them for another hour?
I would yawn and say "Oh well. It's been lovely to see you!"

Nikitaspearlearring · 30/12/2024 13:54

BettyBardMacDonald · 29/12/2024 19:45

It's so awkward. I have a former co-worker friend, really nice chap and he'd do anything to be helpful, etc., but he lives alone, always has, and NEVER wants to leave once he's engaged someone in conversation.

In the warm weather I have picked up a rake and tidied my front garden and edged him toward his car, all but opening the door of his vehicle for him.

The Sunday before Christmas we had a day out together going to antique shops and garden centres; it was quite fun but we got an early start so by the time we returned to my cottage at 6pm it was 9 hours in and I'd done all the driving, about 150 miles. I had overheard him at one antique shop regaling the proprietor with a long and involved anecdote about his former neighbours from 1967, who had an identical Santa or some such in their front window. I mean, naming the neighbours by name and relationship. "So Mrs. Muggins preferred a tree in the window but once Harold, that is, Mr. Muggins as we called him, being children, saw that Santa he had to have it in the window. Their son Johnny used to unplug it as the kids would tease him..."

When we arrived back at mine, he wanted to fetch my Christmas gift from his car and then brought it inside and sat down.

Reader, he stayed another 2.5 hours. I wanted to fling myself off a cliff. He's so nice but his conversation consists of "back in 1973 my uncle Beryl was a salesman in York and his wife died at age 37; she was a real stickler and made those girls clean morning noon and night; we were all hoping when he remarried that his new wife would be kinder to the daughters but instead she turfed them out; Rebecca became a drug addict and Jane had to drop out of uni....meanwhile my cousin Pam did marry a nice bloke but they moved to Bristol and I didn't see her again till after I retired..."

or for about the 15th rendition "...that time in 1994, or no, was it 1995? 1996? I think it was when I was driving that Ford. Anyway when me and Tom went to the West End to see Petula Clark as Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard. She was OK in the role but they had this special hydraulic stage, it was so mesmerizing that one hardly noticed her at some points...though I do recall her costume in the closing scene...."

I mean, if he had an anecdote that took place since 2009 or so, I would love to hear it. Poor man is so nice but his life has had few highlights and he recites them all given half a chance. I had two beers while he regaled me last week and it did take the edge off.

You sound heroic, but you don't have to be his circle of friends. Some people really are their own worst enemies.

DH tends to drone on given the chance because he has no friends, despite my efforts to introduce him to my friends' DHs. I had to give him a stern reminder on the way to the vet's the other day that we were there to get the vet's advice and not discuss our late wonderful Ddog who died two years ago.

Nikitaspearlearring · 30/12/2024 13:59

Commonsense22 · 29/12/2024 18:09

This. Use a sentence that includes "before you leave" would you like x/y/z.

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If you say that you risk them taking you up on the offer. I agree with the knee slap and "Well it's been lovely! Yours was the bown coat?"

Cherrysoup · 30/12/2024 14:02

BettyBardMacDonald · 29/12/2024 19:45

It's so awkward. I have a former co-worker friend, really nice chap and he'd do anything to be helpful, etc., but he lives alone, always has, and NEVER wants to leave once he's engaged someone in conversation.

In the warm weather I have picked up a rake and tidied my front garden and edged him toward his car, all but opening the door of his vehicle for him.

The Sunday before Christmas we had a day out together going to antique shops and garden centres; it was quite fun but we got an early start so by the time we returned to my cottage at 6pm it was 9 hours in and I'd done all the driving, about 150 miles. I had overheard him at one antique shop regaling the proprietor with a long and involved anecdote about his former neighbours from 1967, who had an identical Santa or some such in their front window. I mean, naming the neighbours by name and relationship. "So Mrs. Muggins preferred a tree in the window but once Harold, that is, Mr. Muggins as we called him, being children, saw that Santa he had to have it in the window. Their son Johnny used to unplug it as the kids would tease him..."

When we arrived back at mine, he wanted to fetch my Christmas gift from his car and then brought it inside and sat down.

Reader, he stayed another 2.5 hours. I wanted to fling myself off a cliff. He's so nice but his conversation consists of "back in 1973 my uncle Beryl was a salesman in York and his wife died at age 37; she was a real stickler and made those girls clean morning noon and night; we were all hoping when he remarried that his new wife would be kinder to the daughters but instead she turfed them out; Rebecca became a drug addict and Jane had to drop out of uni....meanwhile my cousin Pam did marry a nice bloke but they moved to Bristol and I didn't see her again till after I retired..."

or for about the 15th rendition "...that time in 1994, or no, was it 1995? 1996? I think it was when I was driving that Ford. Anyway when me and Tom went to the West End to see Petula Clark as Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard. She was OK in the role but they had this special hydraulic stage, it was so mesmerizing that one hardly noticed her at some points...though I do recall her costume in the closing scene...."

I mean, if he had an anecdote that took place since 2009 or so, I would love to hear it. Poor man is so nice but his life has had few highlights and he recites them all given half a chance. I had two beers while he regaled me last week and it did take the edge off.

See, I don’t think he’s nice at all, he’s boring the pants off everyone because of his need to tell unrelated anecdotes and overstays. You don’t need to tolerate this, I certainly wouldn’t, surely you have stuff to do?

2Rebecca · 30/12/2024 14:04

I think you need to ask for a leaving date when she suggests coming in the first place. We never have anyone for open ended stays. We're not a hotel, we have our lives to get on with. In future if inviting anyone then invite them for set dates and make it clear you expect them to go on that date, they can leave earlier if they wish. Tell MIL you're too busy after New Year and need to try and get things back to normal after having had visitors and TELL HER she can't come.

Xenia · 30/12/2024 14:05

We may be rude in our family but I always agree a leaving time in advance before the person even comes. I even say to my adult children (including yesterday) if they are a friend going to stay - more important than when they come is when they leave and then I write that in stone on the kitchen calendar - XYZ leaves.

Sometimes people can arrange to be going out to something with a set time eg an appointment locally so you can get rid of someone with - we are leaving at Xpm and will need to clear the house by then and lock up I'm afraid as we have an appointment at ABC.

QueenBee22 · 30/12/2024 14:07

An old relative's tried and trusted method of getting rid of visitors who had outstayed their welcome.

Hand them their coat and say " Is this yours?"

2Rebecca · 30/12/2024 14:24

If I'm visiting my elderly father he also wants to know when I'm leaving so he can put it in his diary and plan his other activities. I find it very odd that some people don't just have guests for agreed times. We've got fairly busy lives though so couldn't just host for days on end, there are other relatives to be seen as well as work, friends etc

FiveWhatByFiveWhat · 30/12/2024 14:26

Before my son could speak he used to bring people their shoes when he'd had enough of visitors 😬🤣🤦

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 30/12/2024 14:37

I’ve always used ‘right, would you like a drink before you go?’ while getting up from my chair. It’s always worked for me.

Cherrysoup · 30/12/2024 15:11

Just tell her you have stuff planned and what time can you take her to the station today? (Not tomorrow!)

crackofdoom · 30/12/2024 18:59

Thunderlegs · 29/12/2024 22:42

You have to be quicker off the mark. 'Oh MIL sadly we have plans so that doesn't suit but maybe we can come up and visit you the following week' or whatever. 'Oh Mil that would have been wonderful but I am organising the lunch for the beaters and it won't suit.'

Also...why can your husband not just say it to her?

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Organising lunch for the beaters 😆

Works particularly well if you live in a 2 up 2 down in Hackney. And you're a vegan 😆