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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

suggestions on how to say "please leave now".

212 replies

cosmobrown · 29/12/2024 17:25

It's a MIL one I'm afraid.
She has form for outstaying her welcome and not realising it.

Please suggest some gentle but not too subtle phrases please!
This thread is light hearted really. (ish!)

OP posts:
Rowgtfc72 · 29/12/2024 19:32

Mils mum is in her 80s and to the point.
When she's had enough she hands you your coat and tells you it's time you were going.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 29/12/2024 19:33

My DM was a total doormat but my DF would stand up and say "Can I get you anything before I head to bed? Tea? Coffee? Hats and coats?"

CoalTit · 29/12/2024 19:34

Twice in the last year I've suddenly had delicious wrapped-up leftover food thrust into my hands and thanked for coming. It really was the loveliest way to be told it was time to leave. It wasn't at people's homes, though.
I tried it myself at home with a little bottle of walnut oil that I had mentioned earlier to my guest. To my dismay he poured the (expensive! edible!) oil into his palms and started talking about massages.

Sunshineandoranges · 29/12/2024 19:37

I just offered her a lift to the station first the offer then I so what time do you think you want the lift

BettyBardMacDonald · 29/12/2024 19:45

It's so awkward. I have a former co-worker friend, really nice chap and he'd do anything to be helpful, etc., but he lives alone, always has, and NEVER wants to leave once he's engaged someone in conversation.

In the warm weather I have picked up a rake and tidied my front garden and edged him toward his car, all but opening the door of his vehicle for him.

The Sunday before Christmas we had a day out together going to antique shops and garden centres; it was quite fun but we got an early start so by the time we returned to my cottage at 6pm it was 9 hours in and I'd done all the driving, about 150 miles. I had overheard him at one antique shop regaling the proprietor with a long and involved anecdote about his former neighbours from 1967, who had an identical Santa or some such in their front window. I mean, naming the neighbours by name and relationship. "So Mrs. Muggins preferred a tree in the window but once Harold, that is, Mr. Muggins as we called him, being children, saw that Santa he had to have it in the window. Their son Johnny used to unplug it as the kids would tease him..."

When we arrived back at mine, he wanted to fetch my Christmas gift from his car and then brought it inside and sat down.

Reader, he stayed another 2.5 hours. I wanted to fling myself off a cliff. He's so nice but his conversation consists of "back in 1973 my uncle Beryl was a salesman in York and his wife died at age 37; she was a real stickler and made those girls clean morning noon and night; we were all hoping when he remarried that his new wife would be kinder to the daughters but instead she turfed them out; Rebecca became a drug addict and Jane had to drop out of uni....meanwhile my cousin Pam did marry a nice bloke but they moved to Bristol and I didn't see her again till after I retired..."

or for about the 15th rendition "...that time in 1994, or no, was it 1995? 1996? I think it was when I was driving that Ford. Anyway when me and Tom went to the West End to see Petula Clark as Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard. She was OK in the role but they had this special hydraulic stage, it was so mesmerizing that one hardly noticed her at some points...though I do recall her costume in the closing scene...."

I mean, if he had an anecdote that took place since 2009 or so, I would love to hear it. Poor man is so nice but his life has had few highlights and he recites them all given half a chance. I had two beers while he regaled me last week and it did take the edge off.

Hwi · 29/12/2024 20:03

I don't ever invite people whom I mind overstaying. Love it when they do, that says something about them preferring our atmosphere to theirs. Positively love it. If I know I have ongoing work (I am a freelancer) I don't invite anyone - even at Christmas or NY. Just tell them I shall be working and that is it.

SpringIscomingalso · 29/12/2024 20:04

Background of story, when dis she came, what you have done so far and how long she has been , what was the plan, where is your husband?

SwordToFlamethrower · 29/12/2024 20:13

ChatGPT is amazing for helping with these situations. It gives brilliant ways to navigate these types of difficult scenarios

byteme1011 · 29/12/2024 20:34

I thought last cup of tea worked but honestly now I just start cleaning if they don't get the hint!

cosmobrown · 29/12/2024 20:37

Thanks everyone!
I should have said, she lives a long way away and has been here for a few days now, announcing that her train ticket is "open ended. So no rush to get back home."

OP posts:
JustMyView13 · 29/12/2024 20:40

cosmobrown · 29/12/2024 20:37

Thanks everyone!
I should have said, she lives a long way away and has been here for a few days now, announcing that her train ticket is "open ended. So no rush to get back home."

Some of the country is due snow next week. Get her gone before, or she’ll be here forever 😂

cartagenagina · 29/12/2024 20:41

Are you and DH back to work soon? Surely you can say something like “it’s been lovely but we will be getting back to normal on Tuesday so best you book a train for tomorrow afternoon. I can run you to the station”

Saracen · 29/12/2024 20:42

From Twitter: "My favourite Christmas memory was the one where my daughter in law started taking her tree down while the family was still opening their gifts"

cosmobrown · 29/12/2024 20:47

DH works a lot through Christmas so it's more up to me to entertain her. Kids are grown up and doing their own things. Although he is taking tomorrow off work at my request. Even he finds her annoying though!

OP posts:
Gggglinda · 29/12/2024 20:51

Can't you just have a bunch of phantom appointments for the next few days? And tell her you won't be home and she will have to sort out her own food. Maybe she will get the hint and start thinking about heading home.

ElsieElf · 29/12/2024 20:53

Spend a long time in the loo, then come out and tell everyone you think you might have norovirus...I've never seen people leave a room so quickly!

Daisyvodka · 29/12/2024 20:53

Kim5678 · 29/12/2024 18:54

“Well, we’ve got to do XYZ now, would you like a cup of tea before your journey?”
Adapted from what I used to say to people the morning after a date - “Would you like a banana for the journey home?”. Generous (free banana) but clear

Free banana has proper tickled me!!

I have mastered this, and if anyone's ever had hurt feelings they've never let on.

'Right, I'm so sorry to kick you out, but I've got to (insert literally anything here) but thank you so much for coming!'

It works for any time of day, any visitor, any occasion - perfect when you want to go to bed to 'I've really got to go to bed, I'm yawning my head off"
In your circumstances I'd do:
'I've just checked my to-do list and I've just realised I've forgotten to add xxxx task, I will have to squeeze that in today after you leave, did you pick a train?'
If you get a 'well I'm was thinking of staying a couple more days' I'd be responding with 'oh gosh, sorry but we're out all day for the next few days and with plans in the evening too, so i think today makes the most sense, we're off out at 8am tomorrow to drive to meet friends' (I find an early start the following day motivates most people!)

ThinWomansBrain · 29/12/2024 20:58

As a teenager, my DF used to change into his pyjamas and start hoovering.

Friends of friends have a mix tape (now probably updated to a playlist, but sufficiently legendary that it is still referred to as "The Playlist") of songs on a goodbye theme.

outside1inside · 29/12/2024 20:59

We're off to 'x place' on the 'day you want her gone' do you want us to check train times or will you. Before she arrives ideally.

In the situation where she is already there. My 'relative' has had a fall so we have to be there by lunchtime tomorrow to care for them for 48 hours until NHS carer is in place so you need me to check train times?

ncduetooutingsituation · 29/12/2024 21:07

Go upstairs, strip down to undies.
Walk up to DH and say 'I think I'm ovulating', with a wink.

Should work...

SnobblyBobbly · 29/12/2024 21:13

In all cases ( in person/on the phone/Facetime) if it's dragging on, I say 'So what are you up to tomorrow/this afternoon?

Gets them thinking and gives them the message that whatever they're doing, it won't be with you!

JMSA · 29/12/2024 21:14

Start playing Will Young 'Leave Right Now.'
Grin

rebelrun · 29/12/2024 21:15

God isn’t it awful 😆
I am a “stay for an hour or 2 max” type of person. My DB is totally offended if people don’t stay from noon until night. He returns the favour by staying wherever he goes noon till night. He apologised for needing to leave by 8pm (arrived at 1pm)
Sometimes you just have to be blunt. Tell them that you will be kicking them out at x clock because you have lots to do before the morning. Make a final cup of tea 20 minutes before (“would you like another drink before you head home?”)
My FIL was infamous for arriving at 8pm when we had young children. I just had to put them to bed around him as that was DH’s job to try and change him (never did !)

growlum · 29/12/2024 21:20

cosmobrown · 29/12/2024 20:37

Thanks everyone!
I should have said, she lives a long way away and has been here for a few days now, announcing that her train ticket is "open ended. So no rush to get back home."

In light of this, I suggest a direct approach:

”When did you say you need to be heading back MIL?”
”Oh no rush, I have an open return ticket”
”Great, how about DH and I take you to the station tomorrow evening?”
”Oh, okay, I thought I might stay until New Year…”
”Oh, I’m sorry, we’ve got really busy couple of days coming up, let’s make a plan for you to come again in April though (or whenever).

Thisisashockerneedadvice · 29/12/2024 21:27

Pillarsofsalt · 29/12/2024 17:31

A big slap on your knees and stand up “Right it’s been lovely having you but we are all knackered so we’re kicking you out. Looking forward to next week/Easter/whenever you see them again.”

My autistic/ADHD son 😂 does this. He is 17, very charming but gets bored and this does actually work because it takes everyone by surprise!

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