suggestions on how to say "please leave now".

[cosmobrown]

It's a MIL one I'm afraid.
She has form for outstaying her welcome and not realising it.

Please suggest some gentle but not too subtle phrases please!
This thread is light hearted really. (ish!)

“Right, I’m so sorry to have kept you! Did you bring a coat?”

As in staying too long after dinner or staying too long for Christmas?

I love the fact that a slap on the knees is now almost part of the English language.

Exactly^^

If she lives reasonably nearby. Hey mil, just got a phonecall from a friend/work colleague/etc. She needs me to pop in to look after her children/help her with x. I am passing your house/station/bus stop. Get your stuff together and we will leave in 15 mins.

Well I better tidy up and get ready for bed, it was lovely seeing you.

Thanks for coming over when will we see you next and stand up as you say it.

'Ah, time to put the kids to bed/ ring my cousin in Transylvania/ sort out my clothes for work tomorrow. But I'm dying for some tea first. Have you got time for a quick cup before you go?'

Have you heard about the witch’s hex for getting people to leave?? You grab a broom and turn it upside down and leave it in the corner of a room. Your guest will leave shortly after 🧹

Does she know when she's supposed to leave or is that not discussed beforehand?

Stand up (knee slap) and say well thank you for coming over it has been lovely. Time for us to get sorted for tomorrow but we will see you on...

"Well it's been lovely, but..
Off you jolly well fuck now (cuntychops)"

Hey, MIL, your Uber’s here

Wow, you have skills. All great options!

Please sprinkle me with your polite yet assertive fairy dust.

Make sure it's dh who gives the message of choice. She won't hold a grudge /tell others she got booted out if he says it.

I'm putting the washing on now so will nip up and get your bedding.

Love this! 👍👍

I am going to have to call it a night, thank you so much for coming.

Works every time
DONT offer any further drinks - dh should be ready to bring her coat etc.

If it's that she stays after dinner too long just tell her when inviting her 'we'll be going out at X time, do you want a lift home or will we book a taxi for you?'. If it's that she stays too long after Christmas give a leaving day when inviting 'You're welcome to come to us until X day' It's set in advance then so no accidentally outstaying.

Start purposely gagging and run to the bathroom.come back and claim to have vomited.

"Would you like a cup of tea before you go home? "
I thought that's what everyone did?

I came here to say this 🤣

I'll make you a sandwich for the journey home.....

Gosh, it's getting dark now. I know you hate travelling/driving in the dark. Do you need anything before you go?

when I needed FIL to leave I said ‘fuck off’ and he duly did (we have a fairly unfiltered relationship)

I realise this is not very helpful.

It depends how long has she been staying? And how far does she live?
Has she just popped in this afternoon or been staying over Christmas?