suggestions on how to say "please leave now".

[cosmobrown]

It's a MIL one I'm afraid.
She has form for outstaying her welcome and not realising it.

Please suggest some gentle but not too subtle phrases please!
This thread is light hearted really. (ish!)

Put the chairs upended on the table, and start making cocoa.

If I said "whelp" to anyone I know, they'd think I was having a stroke. What an odd thing to say, unless you're talking about puppies being born!

"I feel visited enough now" is usually quite effective...

I am a MiL. I live alone and being with people is a huge relief that I look forward to. I try not to outstay my welcome, i.e. I leave before I want to as I know that guests smell like dead fish after three days. But I have sympathy with OP's MiL. Just ask when she is going home.

I find entering the room naked and saying “Right then…” works a treat.

A friend's Labrador used to hop on the sofa and ease the occupants , who had outstayed their welcome, off the end!

Draw a pentagram on the middle of the front room carpet and say "now is the time to summon Beelzebub" ...

My friend just gets up turns the light off and goes upstairs when she's bored of visitors, then shouts back down 'let yourself out' ! 😂

Ah, the subterfuge! How very British! When inviting someone for a visit that doesn't include an overnight, I think it's best to state an arrival time AND a departure time. "Would you like to come for Sunday lunch? I was thinking from 11.30 until 4pm? How would that suit you?"

And when people are staying, it's important to be clear about the day and time of departure. "Would you like to come for Christmas? Anytime after 11 am on the 24th is fine for us, Can you stay until the 27th? Hopefully we can have lunch together on the 27th before you leave, if that suits you? We'll need to be free by 4 so we can get on with our jobs and chores."

Maybe it sounds a bit direct, but at least everyone knows where they stand!

"Gosh, is that the time?! Look how long we've kept you chatting, I'd better get your coat before we start again".

"Well I can't tell you how lovely it's been to catch up with you today, seeing as we're off out in a bit I'd better run you home/take you to the train".

Honestly, if they're staying longer than you agreed, just say it's time to go now as you need to do.. whatever. If you're close as a family it's fine to say that. And if you're not, then who cares anyway!

Some of these responses are hilarious!

Back when I was married and we'd have friends over, I remember once when it was getting late and the group had moved into the hall but showed not much sign of going any further, I literally said "Right! Time to go!' and made shooing motions with my arms! 🤣

This ^ substitute train ride, coach journey etc as required. Say 'it's been lovely seeing you, MIL, would you like a cup of tea before you leave? No?, OK I'll get your coat. Look forward to seeing you again at Easter time.'

Well, it's been lovely to see you but I guess you should probably get going

"not really, I'm in no rush"

I use this one but add 'last' to it.
" Would you like a last......etc"
Works everytime

My very lovely MIL was like this. Absolutely did not want to go and was insatiable about spending time with the grandchildren even though she didn't particularly interact with them. Didn't matter how long she stayed there were always dismayed "We've hardly had any time. We've hardly seen you." I always felt guilty but then finally realised she could stay a month and live in our pockets and it wouldn't be enough.

I got very very blunt with them about them going to the point of almost rudeness, which I really resented being forced into. It was so hard that final push getting them out the house, so I used to make the kids put their shoes and coats on and stand with them on the driveway to try and hurry the ILs out like we were some kind of lure to coax them out the house. Oftentimes if meant they were out in the cold and the dark in their pjs. Still took fucking forever with all the "we've hardly had any time" on repeat after a week long visit. God can feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about it.

Just be very very straight. It's all you can do. No point in vague hints. Some people can't read others very well or just don't want to. "Time to go" was my phrase to them. And "They need to go" to DH.

A shift leader I once worked with used to get us to hurry the end of the evening shift by telling us he was on a promise
One for your DH to tell her, perhaps?

'What are you doing when you get home?'

Say “Right!”, slap your knees, and then “I’ll let you get on then” as you stand up.

May not work if your MIL is not British but, otherwise, this is the most widely accepted way of saying “fuck off please 🙂.”

What time is your train?
Don't leave if too late it's cold out there
What are you going to have for dinner

I'm Super exhausted, I need my bed I'm afraid

DH had a lovely aunt who would come for a cup of tea and stay all day. I once (dad's 90th party was the next day) made about 5 batches of scones and went to the supermarket. Still she sat there on the sofa. Lovely lovely lady but didn't get signals.

If it's the evening/night I'd say "Sorry, I'm feeling rather exhausted. I slept terribly last night and am ready for bed." If it's the day time "Oh sorry, I need to pop to the shops/bank" or "Sorry I've got a million things to do this afternoon"

Is it when she pops in or for prearranged get togethers?

We have the biggest house so have found ourselves hosting all Christmas Day, NYE, big birthdays bashes etc for both sides of our family.

We don't mind at all but after a couple of times when we had people here at 3am after NYE and 8pm Xmas night etc I'm very upfront when putting the invites out now.

Along the lines of 'we'd love to have everyone over for NYE, we'll be doing a big buffet so just bring a bottle. Arrive anytime from 7.30pm. However, dh is working the next morning so we'll need to kick everyone out by 1am at the latest x'.

Sometimes the reason for the deadline is not strictly true 😂 but it softens it a bit!

"I have been visited enough now"

Seems to work 😂