suggestions on how to say "please leave now".

[cosmobrown]

It's a MIL one I'm afraid.
She has form for outstaying her welcome and not realising it.

Please suggest some gentle but not too subtle phrases please!
This thread is light hearted really. (ish!)

My husband has actually got up, put his coat on and said right I need to go to A, B, C or whatever before it closes and leaves. In laws have never left in such a hurry! A minute slower and they'd have been locked in the house behind him. I've said to him after how strange it was and he just laughs and says well they were here for ages and I had things to do 🤷 it certainly worked though.

Slap thighs (Is that both thighs together rather than a Pantomime Boy Slap My Thigh one )

"Well , mustn't keep you" and usher them out .

If you make it look like you are the one that will miss them then they;ll be happy /happier

"alright you better be off"

I find blunt is generally better.

"Right, bugger off then, I've got stuff to do this afternoon" generally works with my FIL.

I believe this is a known phrase in the Midwest of USA

It easy, and I do it every time "well we don't want to keep you any longer so..."

"it's no problem, you're not keeping us"

I can categorically say that slapping thighs does not work - in-laws here today, they have only just gone after me doing this 35 minutes ago.

I just got up and started cooking.

“Well, we’ve got to do XYZ now, would you like a cup of tea before your journey?”
Adapted from what I used to say to people the morning after a date - “Would you like a banana for the journey home?”. Generous (free banana) but clear

The important thing is the tone. Bright and cheery, like a punctuation mark. You may need to pop out to the shops and back to be able to put yourself in the right frame of mind.

🤣🤣🤣i have to start this 60/90 mins before i want them out.

Last time i actually stood by the open front door with their coats in my hands for 10 mins as they chatted away.
That was getting me no where so i eventually put "time to say goodbye" on the house music speaker and started singing along loudly.

Reader, it worked!

I have friends who always hold a large pre Christmas party. Starts about midday but they make it very clear that they are going out at 5. They have a taxi booked and walk out the house at 5.

There’s the old ‘would you like a second cup of tea?’ - change second to third/ fourth/ fifth as appropriate!

Don't let anyone into your home without having first issued a proper invitation. Bottom Right hand corner should say "carriages at [time we want you to fuck off]". That way you don't have to be seen as impolite. Here is a good example:

This very evening I’ve said to a house guest, “Happy to give you a lift home tomorrow, but we’ll have to be on the road by nine, so one glass of wine and an early night, eh?”

The thigh slap and ‘well’ is a typical British response and usually works well with no offence taken by the recipient. I would highly recommend this approach to anyone 😁

At mine I'm like "right guys off you fuck now, bored of you "

This is a fabulously useful thread.

Great suggestions here!

I do the cup of tea, start yawning, and “I am going to bed now, I’m so tired, but this has been so much fun”.

No you have to slap your thigh sat down and then stand up as you say the 'right then' 😄

How does that help someone to leave? Surely they'd just keep saying yes 😄

You and DH just start PDA-ing on the couch.

I let out a loud sort of ‘Oooohhhhff’ sound, and slap my hands on my knees whilst sat down then get up and say ‘well it’s been a lovely day! I better get on with these dishes, can I get you another tea before you have to go Maureen? Do you want to take any of these turkey rolls with you? Thanks ever so much for those socks, they’re lovely!’

You need to start creating an ending to proceedings.

Be honest. - I'm tired and I'm going to get a bath and get an early night. It's been lovely having you , I hope you understand?

I’m loving the responses as I really struggle with this 😂 I think my technique is more passive-aggressive: becoming less and less responsive, getting up to clear things away, getting stuff out of the freezer. As a last resort, saying “Right….[deep breath]…well it was lovely to see you….almost that time to start getting tea ready”