suggestions on how to say "please leave now".

[cosmobrown]

It's a MIL one I'm afraid.
She has form for outstaying her welcome and not realising it.

Please suggest some gentle but not too subtle phrases please!
This thread is light hearted really. (ish!)

"Well, I think we'll call it a day there, lovely to see you, shall I get your coat?"

Always plan for them to arrive at say 11, so you get plenty of time together before you leave for that pre arranged get together at 4pm.
Ah! You wish you had more time, but if you didn't slot her in, you'd be waiting until March or April! 😃

I am a serial overstayer and I say to friends, I need an out time or you'll literally never get rid of me. Apparently it could be social queues I never quite get but if I don't get the " so after you told me you don't understand when to leave, you're supposed to stay until 8pm" I don't feel comfortable, then end up leaving before when is acceptable too.

If there for the day " That's it then , do you need the bathroom before you go ? "

If staying over Christmas . " We've got plans from tomorrow , are you all packed and ready to go in the morning ? "

This. As that's 2 completely different answers. If it's just for the day it's right (knee slap) I'm gonna have to go to bed I'm knackered and have to be up early. If she's actually staying their you need to make yourself very busy and unavailable preferably with things she can't do or won't want to do

There was a woman in my NCT group who it seemed could only ever tolerate a meet up for about 45 minutes, I used to find it a bit weird when she was visiting other group members houses and she’d have to leave before we’d even finished the coffee and cake, but when we were at hers she would say ‘I’m going to have to ask you to leave now, I’ve got X,Y,Z to do’ it was blunt but you certainly got the hint!

What a woman, i think this is great at least everyone knows where they stand

Slap thighs and THEN stand up. Along with "Whelp, time to get your bags ready" is the International signal.
Standing up and then slapping thighs might get her Hand Jive style dancing.

Maybe start a Conga line that ends at her car?

MIL's first husband was a dreadful social climber, always inviting people round for dinner without talking to her about it or doing any of the hard work, and always expecting MIL to sit up late with him playing the gracious hostess when she had to be up for school run and work the next morning. One night she'd finally had enough. She stood up, smiled at everyone, said "I love your company, but I'm afraid I don't love your hours', and went to bed.

I’m driving into town tomorrow so I’ll drop you at the station for your train back home. I’ll wake you at set time and then can leave at set time.
if it’s for the day say that I’ll take you to the station at set time. I’ll set a phone reminder so we don’t get stuck in chatting like we always do.

You really should of had a conversation before she came as she probably thinks she's staying for new year

Brilliant! My quip would be (in my mind) which way am I facing your broomstick 🤭

Depends on whether she's been there for the day or if she was there "for Christmas"

This. Use a sentence that includes "before you leave" would you like x/y/z.

Offer to drive them back at x time. Or would you to take x snacks for your journey in the morning. I can help you pack do you have any washing you’d like me to do before you go??

Do you mean she overstays her welcome by days (travels) or hours (lives locally)? If days, you can plan something (or make it up) that clearly cannot include her. If hours, it’s a tricky one.

I go for "Do you have to be heading off now, MIL, or are you free to stay and babysit the kids for a bit? I've got a bit of a headache, nothing I couldn't have struggled though, but if you're at a loose end tonight, maybe you could do dinner and bath for them while I rest? What's that? You need to get home to check the house? Oh shame! Ah well, don't worry about me, I'll swallow some ibuprofen and crack on, been through worse."

I have been known to leave the guests with DH having said, 'Well, I need to walk the dogs - I'll say goodbye now as I expect you'll be gone by the time I get back!'

But sometimes I think I need a little sign that will gradually glow brighter that says, 'Dear guests, we love you but can you PLEASE fuck off NOW?'

I once said to DP’s cousin ‘dear god, will you never leave?’

Brutal, maybe, but it was 2.30 in the morning, and we’d been on the go for 14 hours, we’d finally inched from the lounge to the hallway, when she starts wanging on about some fresh nonsense, while her feral kids were getting their fourth second wind and were clearly winding up for more mayhem.

Sometimes, subtlety needs to move aside and make way for directness.

Oh, just thought - say would you excuse me, I am not feeling too good, I am just going to go lie down, it was lovely to see you.

We don't know if it is just a one day visit, or one over Christmas. So cannot think of a suggestion.

I tend to use “shall I make you one last drink before you go?” - it’s quite gentle but seems to do the trick!

"Do you want a cup of tea before you leave?"

Maybe a bit more context needed like will she be leaving towards bed time, has she travelled far?
I think if it’s late into the evening an easy stretch and yawn and “gosh this has been lovely but I’m shattered, you don’t mind do you if I start getting ready for bed?”
If earlier in the day, I liked the idea a previous poster had, something like “how can I get you a cup of tea before you head off on your journey?” Is brilliant.

It is hard work though isn’t it. I used to have two close friends and fortnightly we’d alternately go for a weeknight dinner at each others houses. Whenever I went to theirs, by 10pm I’d be thanking them for a lovely evening and heading out. But when they’d come to mine it was always so hard to get them to leave. It would reach 11pm and I’d literally start getting my pajamas on (I’d say “just popping to the loo and I might clean my teeth and get my pjs on whilst I’m up!”) and they still wouldn’t get the hint. They’ve both moved away now and aside from once yearly weekends away together, all our catch ups are on zoom so I can leave when I’m ready 🤣

My PILs would consider themselves very polite people (and they are) but they have no awareness of social cues around outstaying their welcome. They also drink incredibly slowly so a final drink is a terrible way to get them to leave. I don't understand how they can be so lacking in awareness - oblivious to several people around them yawning and conversation trailing off.

I am sorry MIL but I am getting a migraine and I really need to go to bed now.

Don't you think it would be a good idea to leave now, the nights are drawing in and I worry when you are driving in the dark.

It has been so lovely to see you today, I have boxed up some leftovers for your dinner tomorrow as well as a few homemade pastries. I would take then out to your car but I am running and bath. Drop the latch on you way out.

OR: Straight for the throat:
Don't you have a home to go to ffs?!?