Was my Christmas Day "abstemious"?

[romanfriendsandcountrywomen]

I'm a little bit nonplussed because my brother's new girlfriend apparently found Christmas Day at our house "nice but more abstemious than she's used to". However, I'm also now wondering if I was perhaps a bit boring....

Present on Xmas day : DH, me, DD (19), DS (15), my parents (late 70s), DB (43), DB newish girlfriend (30 something) my niece (DB's daughter, 16.)

People arrived at 11am. It's morning so I offered teas and proper coffees etc while we opened presents. At 12.00 I opened 2 bottles of M&S sloe gin fizz (admittedly only 4% alcohol but lovely and nicer than Buck's Fizz imo) and everyone had a glass while finishing opening the presents.

About 1.00 I we had champagne and nibbles- probably about 1.5 bottles of fizz and lots of nibbly things )

Full Xmas dinner at 3.00. (Turkey, pigs in blankets, 2 stuffings, roast potato, roast carrots and parsnips, sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower cheese, Yorkshires, Christmas pudding and chocolate log.) Opened 2 bottles of red wine.

After dinner we played games and finished off the red wine and champagne. I made the traditional Christmas snowball for the teenagers. Lots of adults had one as well despite laughing at them! (Advocat, lemonade, line juice, cocktail cherry perched artistically on top!)

About 9.00 we watched a film and had cheese. I offered to open more wine and we also offered port or baileys but people were full so most just had a cup of tea.

People went to bed or got an uber about midnight.

I thought it had been a lovely day so the abstemious comment had thrown me a bit. Girlfriend is from a bigger family with lots of siblings who all bring partners and apparently it's a more "adult" affair. She was surprised there were no spirits or cocktails as apparently she doesn't really drink wine and drinks vodka cranberry/ vodka coke. We don't drink spirits so it never occurred to me and I did wonder why she couldn't have brought her own but I haven't said anything.

So there were 7 adults and 2 teens and we had 4 bottles of wine/ fizz, a couple of bottles of low alcohol fizz and snowballs, port and baileys offered. Over 12 hours apparently this isn't a lot.

Be honest. Was my Xmas day a bit boring? I probably should have asked what she liked to drink...

it sounds lovely and measured and enjoyable to me

It sounds lovely! Can I come next time? 🤣🤣

Sounds great to me, OP. It would be interesting to know what she’s used to. But I really don’t think that spirits are here or there. Christmas doesn’t succeed or fail because of alcohol imv, except when people drink too much. Don’t give it another thought

I wouldn't equate alcohol with fun... so I don't think "boring". And "abstemious" isn't the word I'd use for what you've described...

I wouldn't have waited till 12pm to open something on Christmas day, that's the day of the year when you can ignore the clock 😂. I would probably have checked beforehand as to what a guest I've not met drinks - or indeed if they don't drink - but equally yes, I hope she didn't turn up empty-handed...

Not boring at all, but I’m sure you can envisage a day where people drink more. Maybe more puddings offered and chocs throughout the day.
Your day sounds fine. But other people will have experienced different…….

Your Christmas day sounds lovely. I don't know what she would have made of mine. We didn't drink any alcohol at all! But I don't think alcohol is necessary to have a good time
If she wanted to drink cocktails and spirits she should have bought them.

Sounds like a lovely day and if she measures how much she enjoys a day based upon the amount of alcohol available then maybe she should have put her hand in her pocket and brought her own spirits with her!

Rude cow don’t invite her again … should have taken her own voddy/cranberry if that’s her thing.

It sounds like a fab day. Bit of a rude comment imo. Who did she make it too and what was she intending to achieve from it?

That's rude. Perhaps he can host next year and you can offer him a post event appraisal?

Oh tell your brother she sounds like a pretentious alcoholic who won't be welcome again. Your day sounds lovely and it sounds like you were a good host so give it no more thought

Exactly! I've had very abstemious Christmas days when my gran was hosting - Salvation Army so no booze, counting out 3 roast potatoes for the boys and 2 for the ladies etc....
I felt it was adequately lavish...!

She should have brought what she intended to drink..rude not to.
Other than that, families do things differently. My siblings would break out the karaoke machine at 9pm rather than putting on a film. I've been with partners to their family christmases where everyone gets really dressed up and drinks all day and then it's dancing etc all night

Very rude of her! Your Christmas sounds lovely. Cheeky mare, should have brought her own vodka

We also had posh chocolates and a fruit plate. I should have done a trifle....

If someone is hosting me I wouldn’t expect them to have every spirit and mixer available. Most people don’t drink vodka over Christmas lunch. If I were her I would of bought it with me, alongside a gift, and asked if it is was okay if I drunk my own thing (and of course offered it to others).

do you know if the comment was meant as a negative. I said something similar to my other half after going to a friends this Christmas but meant it as a positive thing.

I haven't heard the word abstemious for years! It was a word my late dad used.

In terms of food your Christmas day sounds very similar to ours although I didn't get the cheese out til after Gavin and Stacey had finished.

We didn't have any champagne and only teen DD and my sister had a few (canned) cocktails. DH, BIL and cousin drank beers (some were 0%) and wine throughout the day. Guests arrived around 1pm and we offered them drinks on arrival, other than that it was basically help yourself to whatever you want. (I had non alcoholic fizz due to medication, but I didn't feel I missed out)

It doesn't sound abstemious in my understanding of the word!

I think it sounds lovely (and you guys probably drank a bit more than we did, by the time we had the cheese and crackers out in the evening I didn't fancy any more alcohol and had sparkling water).

One person's abstemious is another person's moderate is another person's elegant sufficiency.... Sounds like it's what you usually do and no point on comparing to others.

Was it said in criticism or in comparison? Very rude if a criticism but maybe just passing comment and not necessarily ina a negative way "oh what a relief not to be hungover on boxing day"... Either way, not ideal to be passing any kind of comment than "thank you so much for hosting" but don't think it's worth focussing on.

If you want a comparison, it's very moderate compared to my family Christmases but I think my family drink to much! I don't say anything though.

I think this is probably just a generational thing.

Younger adults don't tend to drink the same sorts of alcoholic drinks that older adults drink.

My pils always used to provide loads of red wine and sherry at Christmas.

The first year we hosted we had several types of beer and a full spirits set plus wine for pils.

Pils were providing lots of alcohol - of the type they drank. They were a little surprised that the younger generation went for the beer and made cocktails when we hosted.

I don't think you were abstemious so much as traditional?

I think this is more what she's used to. I can imagine if you're expecting cocktails and singing and dancing then we are a bit dull.

Interestingly DB went to her parents at Easter and said "never again" - hence him coming to us for Christmas. Apparently my niece (who is very shy) had a dreadful time so he wanted something she'd enjoy and she loves her cousins and grandparents.

I wonder why your brother felt the need to pass her comments on to you?

if he knew she liked a vodka why didn’t he or she think to bring some. I hope they brought something to add to the day!

I wonder if the use of abstemious in this case perhaps could be translated is “I like to go over the top and have more than I need as I can’t have fun without doing this”

if you liked your day that’s all that matters. It sounds balanced to me

I don't understand why people go to someone else's house for xmas day and expect it to be exactly the same as they're used to. Everyone does xmas slightly differently, there's no right or wrong way to do it. I think she's rude, don't give her another thought.

Who told you this, OP? If it was your DB, more fool him.

She probably said it in passing, and/or as a comparison to her family eg, my lot get completely pissed, yours was far more abstemious).

If she only drinks spirits, your DB, as she's his guest, should have ensured she was catered for.

I bet she'd be mortified if she thinks you've taken it as an insult.