Was my Christmas Day "abstemious"?

[romanfriendsandcountrywomen]

I'm a little bit nonplussed because my brother's new girlfriend apparently found Christmas Day at our house "nice but more abstemious than she's used to". However, I'm also now wondering if I was perhaps a bit boring....

Present on Xmas day : DH, me, DD (19), DS (15), my parents (late 70s), DB (43), DB newish girlfriend (30 something) my niece (DB's daughter, 16.)

People arrived at 11am. It's morning so I offered teas and proper coffees etc while we opened presents. At 12.00 I opened 2 bottles of M&S sloe gin fizz (admittedly only 4% alcohol but lovely and nicer than Buck's Fizz imo) and everyone had a glass while finishing opening the presents.

About 1.00 I we had champagne and nibbles- probably about 1.5 bottles of fizz and lots of nibbly things )

Full Xmas dinner at 3.00. (Turkey, pigs in blankets, 2 stuffings, roast potato, roast carrots and parsnips, sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower cheese, Yorkshires, Christmas pudding and chocolate log.) Opened 2 bottles of red wine.

After dinner we played games and finished off the red wine and champagne. I made the traditional Christmas snowball for the teenagers. Lots of adults had one as well despite laughing at them! (Advocat, lemonade, line juice, cocktail cherry perched artistically on top!)

About 9.00 we watched a film and had cheese. I offered to open more wine and we also offered port or baileys but people were full so most just had a cup of tea.

People went to bed or got an uber about midnight.

I thought it had been a lovely day so the abstemious comment had thrown me a bit. Girlfriend is from a bigger family with lots of siblings who all bring partners and apparently it's a more "adult" affair. She was surprised there were no spirits or cocktails as apparently she doesn't really drink wine and drinks vodka cranberry/ vodka coke. We don't drink spirits so it never occurred to me and I did wonder why she couldn't have brought her own but I haven't said anything.

So there were 7 adults and 2 teens and we had 4 bottles of wine/ fizz, a couple of bottles of low alcohol fizz and snowballs, port and baileys offered. Over 12 hours apparently this isn't a lot.

Be honest. Was my Xmas day a bit boring? I probably should have asked what she liked to drink...

It sounds lovely. Admittedly when I host I do have a lot more alcohol on offer as I like people to have choices. I wouldn't serve it exactly more like beers are in the fridge, wine is there, vodka there etc and make sure everybody was topped up.

That being said I wouldn't expect the same if I went to somebody else's house and would enjoy your Christmas day.

I mean, how is this even possible? Half a bottle is 375ml, between 6 people that’s 62ml - a smidge over a double shot in terms of volume. 😂

Sounds a lovely day, OP, and wouldn't worry about the comment but your DB was thoughtless to share it with you.

Everyone does things differently. We usually have proper Bucks Fizz (champagne/cremant with orange juice, think it's nicer than the premixed) in the morning before we get to the in-laws.

Once there we immediately get offered bubbles (usually prosecco or champagne) and we can help ourselves but the hosts also tops up generously. I'm pretty sure most of us have at least 3 glasses before dinner with nibbles whilst we prep for serving the turkey (we don't ever do starters as the meal is so filling plus we prefer various snacks/nibbles).

Then further white or red wine with the meal (probably 2-3 glasses pp at a minimum), then pudding followed by presents with a glass in hand (nuts/snacks scattered; there is a table with chocs but most of us just help ourselves to savoury stuff) before we have cheese with red wine.

We don't do singing but like to do lots of board games or fun games with lots of silliness and laughter.

Ours run from roughly 1-9pm and in that time us adults probably have at least the equivalent of on average 1.5 bottles of wine.

Is this not a word people use?

She's an English teacher, DB and my parents are/ were teachers, DD is at uni reading English.... in the context of the family it's not that unusual....

She'd hate it at my family's Christmas. Though not all of us are teetotal (by a long shot), we never serve alcohol at family gatherings.

If this comment was delivered through your brother, I'd tell him to keep it to himself next time. There are different ways of doing things, and there was nothing wrong with your way. If he and she want more booze, they can either bring more to share or host and do it their own way, another year.

Yeah, it’s this. I’m in my 20s and not a huge fan of wine, port, champagne or sherry. I like something lighter and refreshing, if not I’ll just go non-alcoholic. No point trying to drink something I don’t like the taste of.

Another thing I picked up on was the precise timings of everything. Personally I would have left nibbles and drinks out for family to help themselves instead of you dictating which drinks at 11am, 1pm, 3pm or whatever. If that happened she could have made up her own drink, instead of having to go for your exact menu at set times.

Your christmas day sounds lovely BUT as a host you should have found out what she likes to drink, I think it’s wrong to expect she would bring her own alcohol as surely that would make her feel a bit odd.

That being said, the abstemious comment was unnecessary of her and a bit rude.

Apart from 3pm being way, way too late for food for me, it sounds nice.

It's more my brother just speaking without thinking. She'd be mortified if she knew. She was lovely (and great at games so everyone wanted her on their team!) and I'm just worrying a bit that we were boring.
We are a bit boring in all honesty. But we like it that way and it's just occurring to me that she's probably quite different to us and quite a bit younger!

Your day sounds perfect to me, OP. I wouldn't enjoy a day spent with people drinking vodka.

OP, I would not expect shots or cocktails at a family Christmas party. I do have a friend who doesn't like wine though, or bubbly etc. Maybe that's the case. My friend is a bit coy about it - I think she feels judged. If that is the case though, it's on them to be forthcoming and just bring their own. I'm also not sure DB was supposed to say that to you - I would be mortified if I'd said that to my partner and he'd repeated it.

What is this genius low alcohol sloe gin one speaks of !!! Marks and Spencer here I come. Please let them do this next year. Also she’s too young for him so she had to come out with something nasty to put her above it all. Sounds like a brilliant time.

No, it sounds lovely. She’s a cheeky madam, with her barbed comments.

Maybe it is simply a comment/statement and not a criticism.

Why assume it is?

You heard it from your brother and not her so secondhand with no idea of tone.

She said compared to her family. Is she not allowed to voice this and naturally compare with her boyfriend?

I come from a massive family and DH from a smaller family and this statement would ring true because there is way more of us. I like that DH’s family celebrations are smaller and not as food and alcohol filled (probably because none of them questions or comments how little I eat ).

Funny enough, he finds his family overwhelming when all are around, but I don’t voice that to anyone else.

Your brother is the unreasonable one here because it was unnecessary to tell you. All he had to say was that she had a nice time.

You are who you are. You don’t need to change that. I do agree with the previous poster who said you could make things a bit less regimented - let people help themselves to drinks.

I’m an author and had to look up abstemious 😅 Is she perhaps used to crazy and boozy? Like a Gavin and Stacy type shindig? I think you played a blinder op, and would like you to invite me next year too😉

Personally I'd be under the table at that , sounds like a lot of booze to me.
We are not really drinkers and as just the two of us , didn't bother having any .
She definitely would have preferred your Christmas versus mine !

After googling what it meant (never heard that word before) no its sounds like a lovely day with lots of nice things. I only drink vodka so I always take a bottle to things like this, I thought that was the norm if you're a fussy drinker.

People are just used to what they are used to. When I've been to dhs family at Christmas it centres a lot around alcohol. My family have never been big drinkers so Christmas with them is pretty light on the booze. Families tend to have their own traditions and feelings about how Christmas 'should' be done, mainly spanning from how Christmas was when they grew up, if you go somewhere new for Christmas you notice the differences and probably think it isn't the way Christmas should be as it isn't what you are used to.

Don't worry about it OP. It sounds like she had a lovely time.

FWIW the amount of alcohol some pps are talking about would have me asleep before lunch was even served 😂I've had one glass of wine over the entire Christmas period- it's just never been a feature of our Christmases.

Doesn't make our way of doing things any less fun or festive, I don't think.

I wouldn't worry about being boring. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I'm boring by many standards, but who cares? Someone who might be deemed 'not boring' by some could be 'loud and obnoxious' by another set of standards. We can only be who we are, and the variety keeps things interesting.

It sounds like everyone had fun, so focus on that.

lol at folk trying to troll over the use of a word they don't know. Sadsacks. 😁

Good thing we're all different!

I bought 24 bottles of red, 4 bottles of champagne plus spirits cocktail cans liqueurs port sherry etc. I am still on the first bottle of red. I have drunk a litre of Bailey's and the only other thing even opened is Vodka with about two inches gone. We just didn't fancy a drink this year.

I think 1.5 bottles of fizz between 9 people is too little. A bit akin to getting a slug of champers in a glass for the sake of a toast, rather than to be enjoyed.

That said, I'd have brought alcohol with me, a decent white, decent red and maybe champagne.