Was my Christmas Day "abstemious"?

[romanfriendsandcountrywomen]

I'm a little bit nonplussed because my brother's new girlfriend apparently found Christmas Day at our house "nice but more abstemious than she's used to". However, I'm also now wondering if I was perhaps a bit boring....

Present on Xmas day : DH, me, DD (19), DS (15), my parents (late 70s), DB (43), DB newish girlfriend (30 something) my niece (DB's daughter, 16.)

People arrived at 11am. It's morning so I offered teas and proper coffees etc while we opened presents. At 12.00 I opened 2 bottles of M&S sloe gin fizz (admittedly only 4% alcohol but lovely and nicer than Buck's Fizz imo) and everyone had a glass while finishing opening the presents.

About 1.00 I we had champagne and nibbles- probably about 1.5 bottles of fizz and lots of nibbly things )

Full Xmas dinner at 3.00. (Turkey, pigs in blankets, 2 stuffings, roast potato, roast carrots and parsnips, sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower cheese, Yorkshires, Christmas pudding and chocolate log.) Opened 2 bottles of red wine.

After dinner we played games and finished off the red wine and champagne. I made the traditional Christmas snowball for the teenagers. Lots of adults had one as well despite laughing at them! (Advocat, lemonade, line juice, cocktail cherry perched artistically on top!)

About 9.00 we watched a film and had cheese. I offered to open more wine and we also offered port or baileys but people were full so most just had a cup of tea.

People went to bed or got an uber about midnight.

I thought it had been a lovely day so the abstemious comment had thrown me a bit. Girlfriend is from a bigger family with lots of siblings who all bring partners and apparently it's a more "adult" affair. She was surprised there were no spirits or cocktails as apparently she doesn't really drink wine and drinks vodka cranberry/ vodka coke. We don't drink spirits so it never occurred to me and I did wonder why she couldn't have brought her own but I haven't said anything.

So there were 7 adults and 2 teens and we had 4 bottles of wine/ fizz, a couple of bottles of low alcohol fizz and snowballs, port and baileys offered. Over 12 hours apparently this isn't a lot.

Be honest. Was my Xmas day a bit boring? I probably should have asked what she liked to drink...

I would have expected more plonk on the dinner table (but then I wouldn't have done champagne or nibbles either).

Regardless, I think it was just a comment rather than a criticism.

From your subsequent posts, it sounds like it probably wasn't an insult, just an observation.

If she'd said it like this instead, does it feel better?

"I had a lovely time. It wasn't what I'm used to as my family are really into drinking and everyone is usually trollied by 6pm, so it was different for me but I thought it was lovely. Looking forward to next time."

Never survive here so! Bulk of the alcohol was in the trifle! Not a drinking family as such, everyone does it differently. I always tell people if they want alcohol bring it as I won't have it in stock as such other than a bit for cooking with. Occasionally a new addition to the dinner table brings wine and that's fine.

Op it sounds absolutely fantastic to me!!! If she wants hard spirits maybe she should bring her own??? Don't worry about some fancy pants girl

How was she rude or a twat ffs?! She said "nice but more abstemious than she's used to". That's just an observation to me. And she didn't even say it to the OP!

Your Christmas Day sounded really lovely to me OP, please don't take her comment as a criticism, and please stop overthinking 😉

Sounds lovely

Everyone experiences different Christmases

I experienced a few over the years spending them with DP families and friends families

They're all different and lovely in their own way

I prefer a smaller more sedate affair these days tbh where everyone is seen and heard and feels special

Larger family Christmas gatherings aren't my thing and I find them exhausting

We'd say help yourself to alcohol rather than set times and have spirits and beer on offer so comparatively yours is abstenious but hardly teetotal.

Sounds perfect. If you have younger people, teenagers and children then cracking open all the spirits and having a raucus adult style party is not going to be a responsible thing to do. Sounds like she is just used to an adult only christmas where there are no holds barred. Everyone does christmas differently I wouldnt take offence at her comments but might giggle to myself that one day she might be hosting and looking after kids and grandkids and thinking back to this time wondering what on earth she was thinking.

If she needs lots of alcohol to have a fun day that says more about her than you!

Maybe suggest your DN finds someone with more personality who can have fun without being pissed

DB (typo)

Sounds perfect to me!

Some of the comments on this thread! 🤣

She didn’t say your Christmas was abstemious, OP. She said it was ‘more abstemious than she’s used to’. So, it’s all relative. She also said it was nice.

Your Christmas sounds lovely, but very different from ours - which involved more (and different) alcohol, lots more grazing, party games and singing. So, in comparison, yours was more abstemious. If you’d come to mine and your feedback (in passing, to your partner) was ‘it was nice, but rowdier/more full on than I’m used to’, that would be a fair comment, not a slight or an insult.

She sounds lovely, you sound lovely, and I’m sure she liked you (as you’ve said you were worried about this). Your brother really ought to learn some tact, though.

I feel really sorry for the girlfriend!

It sounds like just idle chatter comparing her family’s way of doing things with his. She said the day was lovely. There was a phase where Christmas at my parents meant a lot of booze whereas my in laws are much more sedate. It’s changed now grandchildren have arrived but I would have definitely described my in laws way of doing things as abstemious because it was by comparison. Wouldn’t have meant it as a negative just more of a descriptor. Same as despite the booze my parents was more regimented as it involved going to church etc so there were places to be.

Plus she didn’t even say it to you, she mentioned it to her boyfriend. I’m sure all of us have had a little moan/light hearted joke/comment etc about our family’s differences to our partners that you’d never say to their faces - you don’t expect it to be repeated back to them! Bet the poor woman would be mortified to find a mumsnet thread with people lining up to insult her.

Unnecessary comment from her. She can host nxt time.

Maybe she was expecting cocaine bumps with her champagne?

@Allihavetodoisdream Oh the irony. Freelance writer here, and quite a successful one at that. Congrats on your rich vocabulary. Long may you continue to use 10 syllables when one will do 🥂

It all sounds ok, but i wouldn't have wanted to wait until 3pm for lunch and would have preferred a more substantial evening meal too. Also, fairly restrained alcohol-wise for that many adults.

Succinct, to the point, like it.

It sounds lovely. I like a drink or three at Christmas and I'd have been very happy with that, nicely paced. By abstemious I assumed you meant a no booze day or one like my grandparents did with a thimbleful of wine with dinner.

She and your brother were rude and silly not to contribute to the drinks with her preferred beverage. How were you supposed to know? I would rarely have vodka in the house as it's just not something we tend to drink.

@DoDoggielove
You were literally the first reply.
Why did you quote the entire OP? 🤔

Cmon now, who said she “needs it” dial down the hyperbole.

@Doggielove we all read the op, it’s right there, directly above your one sentence post.

@Doggielove @Allihavetodoisdream
good job you both quoted the OP in full. Otherwise how would we have known who you were responding to when writing on the thread? 😉

That sounds identical to my Christmas, even down to the same drinks, which I have lots of bottles not opened as a lot of people stuck to tea/coffee

As a PP said I wouldn’t equate alcohol amounts with fun.

Its quite an odd comment to receive

It’s not like you had a dry Christmas. It’s just that your way of doing things is obviously different from her family’s way of doing things. If she’s 30 something she should know better than to comment on that but if your brother passed on a private comment then he’s the one at fault.

If I were hosting a relative’s partner for Christmas Day I’d have asked the relative in advance what the partner likes to drink and made sure I had some in. That’s part of being a good host. Having said that, your brother could have opened his mouth too if he knows she drinks vodka and you don’t do spirits.