Was my Christmas Day "abstemious"?

[romanfriendsandcountrywomen]

I'm a little bit nonplussed because my brother's new girlfriend apparently found Christmas Day at our house "nice but more abstemious than she's used to". However, I'm also now wondering if I was perhaps a bit boring....

Present on Xmas day : DH, me, DD (19), DS (15), my parents (late 70s), DB (43), DB newish girlfriend (30 something) my niece (DB's daughter, 16.)

People arrived at 11am. It's morning so I offered teas and proper coffees etc while we opened presents. At 12.00 I opened 2 bottles of M&S sloe gin fizz (admittedly only 4% alcohol but lovely and nicer than Buck's Fizz imo) and everyone had a glass while finishing opening the presents.

About 1.00 I we had champagne and nibbles- probably about 1.5 bottles of fizz and lots of nibbly things )

Full Xmas dinner at 3.00. (Turkey, pigs in blankets, 2 stuffings, roast potato, roast carrots and parsnips, sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower cheese, Yorkshires, Christmas pudding and chocolate log.) Opened 2 bottles of red wine.

After dinner we played games and finished off the red wine and champagne. I made the traditional Christmas snowball for the teenagers. Lots of adults had one as well despite laughing at them! (Advocat, lemonade, line juice, cocktail cherry perched artistically on top!)

About 9.00 we watched a film and had cheese. I offered to open more wine and we also offered port or baileys but people were full so most just had a cup of tea.

People went to bed or got an uber about midnight.

I thought it had been a lovely day so the abstemious comment had thrown me a bit. Girlfriend is from a bigger family with lots of siblings who all bring partners and apparently it's a more "adult" affair. She was surprised there were no spirits or cocktails as apparently she doesn't really drink wine and drinks vodka cranberry/ vodka coke. We don't drink spirits so it never occurred to me and I did wonder why she couldn't have brought her own but I haven't said anything.

So there were 7 adults and 2 teens and we had 4 bottles of wine/ fizz, a couple of bottles of low alcohol fizz and snowballs, port and baileys offered. Over 12 hours apparently this isn't a lot.

Be honest. Was my Xmas day a bit boring? I probably should have asked what she liked to drink...

See, if I were the new girlfriend I'd be raging that my motormouth boyfriend had repeated my idle musings to his family members, who she's probably keen to get off on the right foot with.

I only drink vodka (very occasionally) so like her, the wine and champagne would have been lost on me. But I can have a lovely time without alcohol. The only thing that would potentially impact on that is if I'm stone cold sober whilst everyone else is as drunk as a lord. Doesn't sound like that was the case here though.

I don't think your day sounded abstemious. Your brother simply has a mouth the size of the Mersey Tunnel whereas his new paramour has good vocabulary.

I think it sounds lovely. We are all adults in my house and had a pre dinner g&t and wine with the meal, and that’s it. Too much booze spoils things imo.

She was rude to say that to you.

Also,, your brother was rude to repeat it. Because he didn't have to tell you did he? He could have not said anything. Repeating something horrible that someone else said is the same as saying it yourself.

If someone likes a certain drink and you didn't know. Your not a mind reader, she should have brought he tipple of choice.

Bless. We know who got a thesaurus for Christmas.

I don't think she did say that to OP.

She merely said the equivalent of 'it was lovely but less boozy than I'm used to' to her boyfriend.

Who has now told it to Op, who has told it to MN, so tomorrow all of the Daily Mail will hate her!!

I'm a bit that your brother told you what she said!

Why did your brother say "never again" after the Easter celebration? My betting is her family all got shitfaced.

FWIW OP, your day sounds lovely.

It doesn’t sound abstemious at all (seriously, you should meet my in laws - hardly any of them drink and they’re also quite awkward with each other! They are lovely but I do wish they’d loosen up sometimes).

It just sounds like she doesn’t drink wine. Some houses have booze cabinets full of spirits and others don’t. You’ll both know for next time! Don’t overthink it.

We never have booze at our house. We buy a small box of chocolates and nobody eats them. We haven't got any young kids in the family anymore and everyone - even the youngest member of the family (a late teen) has some kind of food issue - allergies, or health problems. We have a lovely dinner and enjoy each other's company. So, your Christmas is even more lavish than ours. She's just greedy (and rude).

Sounds lovely to me OP. If she wanted something specific to drink, she should have brought it.

Did she tell you this herself? I was assuming it came from your brother but I can't understand the intentions of telling you this? If it was from your brother, I'd have hoped he'd have told her to bring her own drinks and kept his mouth shut to you tbh.

Very poor manners if that was the only feedback.

Are you sure she was referring to alcohol and not presents btw?

Adult sons GF spent Christmas Day with us, we had lots of champagne, wine and spirits. What we didn’t have was chocolate and I didn’t realise that in her family they spend Christmas Day grazing and eating lots of chocolate! We eat savoury. As far as I’m concerned her family can do them and we’ll do us. If I want something specific at someone else’s house, I take it.

It sounds a lovely day OP. Your brother should not really have passed on his gf's comments as they were said to him and not to you. However, my family would have a lot more booze than that on Christmas day (or indeed at a regular sunday lunch!), we are also a big family and our social occasions are drink-fuelled with everyone usually slurring by the close of the evening. I don't say this with pride, as it is often very messy and unpleasant, but can also be fun and raucous. If I were your DB's gf I might also say the day was 'more abstemious than I'm used to' to a partner, but would be mortified if that were passed on! She is making a comparison to her usual family parties, not a judgement of you. You sound a generous host.

What an odd comment. Some people have large vocabularies! I know lots of people who use that word in normal conversation without a second thought…

It sounds as though you had an absolutely lovely day, just right. The girl should not have made that comment, it's mean, and your brother certainly shouldn't have passed it on.

She sounds like a twat. Don't invite her again. X

It sounds a bit stingy on the booze. Basically the equivalent of half a bottle each over 12+ hours. At a wedding, this would be the amount allocated for dinner itself.

No harm in getting a bottle of vodka and some mixers in next time, and cracking the fizz at 11am.

I’d consider an average of half a bottle of wine or fizz all day each, so two glasses, very , very moderate indeed, and we aren’t big drinkers,

I doubt she meant the food, and I get the point in bringing her own booze, although some folks feel that’s a little studenty. For me. I tend to have enough in that I can offer my guests what they wish, and I would keep glasses topped up to what they wish also.

so I’m afraid I agree with her, it was a very moderate day alcohol wise, which is fine, but many people will drink something on arrival, have a couple of glasses of wine with their dinner, and then maybe a couple of glasses later in the evening.

The only thing I can see out of the ordinary is 2 bottles of wine with lunch for 7 adults (not including the younger teens), which is a fairly small amount. I’d expect a choice of red and white and a dessert wine for pudding.

But as she doesn’t drink wine that doesn’t affect her, and everything else seems normal. Not keen on sloe gin personally so probably better to offer people a choice.

Your Christmas day sounds lovely, very thought out and like something off the John Lewis advert! It's how I imagine proper adults doing Christmas 😊
Your brother's partner however may come from a family like mine, the fizz is opened whilst I am cooking from about 11am in the morning, after that guests (family) help themselves to beer/wine/rum etc. We also do soft drinks for anyone driving.
I am definitely used to a more boozy free for all but I definitely wouldn't criticise your Christmas at all had I been invited.

*googles abstemious 🥴🤓

For me it depends if she felt she could ask for booze without looking like a boozer and felt uncomfortable. I do t have vodka in but if I drank it would take it. Surely that's the rule- you take what you want to drink?!

It was said to her partner, he passed it on. Likely as he agreed.

id have told the op it was wonderful but done the same as the girlfriend and commented on the very moderate alcohol. As a pp said, it’s two glasses each, unless the teens had a small glass, then it’s about one and a bit, over 12 hours.

I don’t understand what your brother hoped to gain by sharing his girlfriend’s feedback with you? Like is he vindictive or just a bit thoughtless?? There have been times where my partner and I have discussed/criticised things after being at someone else’s house but it’s a private conversation and I’d be absolutely mortified if my partner went running back to the hosts to tell them what I’d said! Perhaps your brother just asked his girlfriend for her opinion on the day and she was honest that it was different to what she’s used to and not as boozy (which is fair enough) and she wasn’t expecting this “criticism” to be passed on to you?

Anyway, don’t let it get you down. Sounds like you had a lovely Christmas.