Was my Christmas Day "abstemious"?

[romanfriendsandcountrywomen]

I'm a little bit nonplussed because my brother's new girlfriend apparently found Christmas Day at our house "nice but more abstemious than she's used to". However, I'm also now wondering if I was perhaps a bit boring....

Present on Xmas day : DH, me, DD (19), DS (15), my parents (late 70s), DB (43), DB newish girlfriend (30 something) my niece (DB's daughter, 16.)

People arrived at 11am. It's morning so I offered teas and proper coffees etc while we opened presents. At 12.00 I opened 2 bottles of M&S sloe gin fizz (admittedly only 4% alcohol but lovely and nicer than Buck's Fizz imo) and everyone had a glass while finishing opening the presents.

About 1.00 I we had champagne and nibbles- probably about 1.5 bottles of fizz and lots of nibbly things )

Full Xmas dinner at 3.00. (Turkey, pigs in blankets, 2 stuffings, roast potato, roast carrots and parsnips, sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower cheese, Yorkshires, Christmas pudding and chocolate log.) Opened 2 bottles of red wine.

After dinner we played games and finished off the red wine and champagne. I made the traditional Christmas snowball for the teenagers. Lots of adults had one as well despite laughing at them! (Advocat, lemonade, line juice, cocktail cherry perched artistically on top!)

About 9.00 we watched a film and had cheese. I offered to open more wine and we also offered port or baileys but people were full so most just had a cup of tea.

People went to bed or got an uber about midnight.

I thought it had been a lovely day so the abstemious comment had thrown me a bit. Girlfriend is from a bigger family with lots of siblings who all bring partners and apparently it's a more "adult" affair. She was surprised there were no spirits or cocktails as apparently she doesn't really drink wine and drinks vodka cranberry/ vodka coke. We don't drink spirits so it never occurred to me and I did wonder why she couldn't have brought her own but I haven't said anything.

So there were 7 adults and 2 teens and we had 4 bottles of wine/ fizz, a couple of bottles of low alcohol fizz and snowballs, port and baileys offered. Over 12 hours apparently this isn't a lot.

Be honest. Was my Xmas day a bit boring? I probably should have asked what she liked to drink...

It sounds great. Presumably your brother knows you don’t go in for cocktails and spirits and that she does, so should have come prepared.

And lining up they are, any excuse it seems.

To be fair, you made 3.5 bottles of wine / champagne last 14 hours between 7 adults. That’s not a lot…

@romanfriendsandcountrywomen she may not have even meant it as a criticism - simply less boozy than her family does it. Neither is wrong, just different! I wouldn’t give it another thought.

Sounds lovely. Not everyone needs to get shit faced to have a good time! She could have brought her own drinks etc! I think she probably didn’t expect your brother to relay the comment if that’s what happened!

Sorry for using the internet differently to how you use it.

me and he only mentioned it in passing.
I think I'm just worrying a bit as she's the first girlfriend to last since his divorce 10 years ago so I want her to like us.

I would have asked him/her what she preferred to drink if I was hosting someone I wanted to like me! Your day sounds fine apart from that though.

It’s not like she was moaning. I’d have been really cross if I made a passing comment to my boyfriend and he told the host!

You're focusing on the wrong thing. She said it was a nice day.

Or maybe, leave loads of booze out for people to help themselves to, next time.

My guess is her families Christmas is just a big piss up, don't worry about it your day sounds lovely.

To me your Christmas Day sounds like tons and tons of booze, but then our total alcohol consumption was half a bottle of Prosecco among 6 adults (plus two kids). 😂

Wow, it’s like a competition now to see who can post the most extreme response. Now she wanted to get shit faced.

I think this sounds like a brilliant day for everyone, it's perfect. I wouldn't give her silly comment another thought OP.

My guess is fhey have a few more drinks that a glass or two max over 12 hours. There is a mid ground.

What I'm most interested in is, why on earth did your brother report back his girlfriend's comment which has obviously caused some anxiety/offence? Unless maybe it wasn't a criticism at all, maybe her family gets completely plastered every time they meet, and she enjoyed being able to stand up and speak in full sentences after 11am... On the other hand, she said she didn't like the sort of drinks you provided and why let your host know that?
Families are strange things!

Well Op if yours was abstemious, not sure what the word for ours would be.

4 adults.

One bottle of wine-& it didn't get finished😂

As you can tell we're not drinkers & don't really have much of anything about.

Also wouldn't be buying bottles of stuff on the off chance.

Up to her/your brother to bring I think.

Especially if he knows that you don't have spirits in.

I'm now fancying a snowball!

How rude of her to comment.

We like to have every possible alcohol option, but that’s not compulsory.

Yours sounds like a lovely day. But I can see that if she's used to being fairly merry on Christmas day, and she doesn't drink wine (but comes from the sort of family who just always have a bottle of vodka in) then it might have been different to what she was expecting.

The one person who was likely to foresee the gap between her expectations and yours was your brother - he should really have thought to give you a heads up about the drinks, or even better, bring some with him!

my parents hardly drank and we never had Boose in the house , my wife’s family are Irish and drink a ton more than my family and I found the difference quite shocking when I first met them
she thinks my family are like Mormons ! but would never ever be so rude to say anything

I mean, it sounds Ok but it wouldn’t feel celebratory enough for me in terms of low-alcohol and then sitting around watching a film.

Half a bottle of wine each over the course of the day (especially Christmas Day!) is quite stingy in my family. We’d probably allocate at least a bottle per adult (realistically a bottle and a half) plus the usual glass of Buck’s Fizz.

We also like to crack out the karaoke or similar towards the end of the day. Out of interest, what games did you play? Board games or something a bit sillier? If the former, it probably felt quite sedate 😂

I think it’s generally considered to be unnecessary and a bit annoying

I thought abstemious was a typo for ostentatious!! I thought you were going to list fireworks and flower walls and extravagant gifts !!!

I was just thinking the same thing. I’m no alcoholic but I was the only one drinking on Christmas Day and I got through a bottle of fizz and a couple of glasses of red wine on my own throughout the day.

Not sure why your menu or brand of fizz is relevant but I think your question is entirely subjective.

If she’s used to a party on Christmas Day, your day might seem a little dry. If you’re used to a calm day, you might find her family’s Christmas Day a bit too much.

I’d be grateful to the host in either situation and wonder if she never intended her comment to be passed on to you.

I expect she would be mortified if she knew this had been fed back to you.

It would be light on the alcohol for us - normally it's about 1/2 bottle of champagne per person for the present opening and then as much red or white wine over lunch as wanted - I don't keep a tally and just keep the bottles coming once they are empty.

Tea or coffee afterwards and then more wine/beer/scrumpy/gin/whisky/soft as wanted. Again I don't keep notes of who wants what but no one gets drunk or argumentative over the board games. My family and guests are all adult and good at self regulation.

It being abstemious is not necessarily a bad thing. More alcohol could mean fun and dancing etc or it could mean arguments and obnoxiousness - compared to which an abstemious Christmas could be a lovely relaxing change.

If it was a negative it doesn't mean that it was generally a boring Christmas only that it was abstemious for her because you didn't have anything she likes to drink available. It just sounds like a clash of expectations / lack of communication. It probably never occurred to her to supply her own drink because with her family what she drinks is regarded as standard Christmas drinks - whereas for you that's wine and snowballs.

I think either the host supplying all drinks or asking guests to bring their favoured tipple is fine. But communication is key. If you wanted to supply all drinks you should have checked what your guests like to drink, if not you should have asked them to bring a bottle.

Did either she or your DB ask if there was anything they should bring? That's the point at which you should have said that you'd have wine, advocaat and champagne but if she wanted anything else to bring their own. If they didn't ask - then they should have.