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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dp restricting the heating - red flag

195 replies

whatamidoingheree · 29/12/2024 10:30

Just that. He has been complaining i put it up too high and joked he would put a restriction on it. I laughed and said try it. But he did.

I have since made him take it off.

Is that not a major red flag though?!

OP posts:
FuriousPoodle · 29/12/2024 10:31

Yes.

Jingleberryalltheway · 29/12/2024 10:31

What are your finances like? How high were you turning it up?

ShortyShorts · 29/12/2024 10:32

It could be desperation.

My DH insists on having it on bloody 23 or 25.

Anything over 20 and I'm sweating my arse off and getting headaches, it's horrible.

He can put extra layers on but I can't take any more off.

Michelle12A · 29/12/2024 10:32

If it’s actually to warm for him that is a legitimate problem

ShortyShorts · 29/12/2024 10:33

There's been times I've switched it off at the boiler, hoping for a placebo affect for him 🤣

tellmesomethingtrue · 29/12/2024 10:33

What temperature are you putting the thermostats onto? Should be wearing slippers, jumpers and keeping yourself warm. No need for heating to be more than 19 as it's not that cold outside.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 29/12/2024 10:33

Depends why he is against it being turned up.

How are you financially? Have increased bills caused an issue?

Are you whacking it up but sitting around in shorts and t shirts?

TangerineClementine · 29/12/2024 10:34

I wouldn't call this a red flag if he isn't controlling in other ways. He may find your ideal temperature is just too warm for him? Can you find a compromise?

SemperIdem · 29/12/2024 10:34

Depends how high you’re setting it.

I know people who set their central heating to tropical and being in their homes makes me feel unwell.

Pandasnacks · 29/12/2024 10:34

Depends how high it is and to some extent your financial situation. Not every little disagreement in a relationship is a sodding ‘red flag’ though. Is there a back story?

CornishPorsche · 29/12/2024 10:34

It depends - what temperature are you trying to put the heating on at?

Morningsky · 29/12/2024 10:34

I think heating the home is an important issue and should be discussed seriously, with compromises being made based on finances and the needs of the individuals in the household.
I don't understand why you and your DH are making a joke and a competition of this.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 29/12/2024 10:35

How high are you turning it? If you’re dressed warmly and have got it at 19/20 and he’s complaining then that’s an issue. If you’re turning it up to 23 and then sitting there in a t-shirt then I can see his point!

That said I’m not sure it’s a red flag that he put a restriction on because he said he’s do it and you told him okay, go for it and then when he actually did it he removed it. It’s not like he’s done it sneakily and refused to remove it, he only did it with your go ahead.

JMSA · 29/12/2024 10:35

On what planet would this be considered a huge red flag?! Grin
It's a difference of opinion.
Unless he continually keeps you in the cold, I think you need to get over yourself a bit.

despairnow · 29/12/2024 10:35

I mean you want it hotter he wants it cooler so you both want your own way?

Huffalumps · 29/12/2024 10:35

I knew a man who regulated the heating in the house. Measured temps in every room, restricted heating only for when there was a threat of frost. Even restricted the water heating as the teenagers were using too much hot water when they had baths (no shower!). This was most definitely a form of control/abuse.

OhBling · 29/12/2024 10:36

Too many variables to.say if it's a red flag. Heating can be contentious and has issues linked to cost as well as comfort of all parties.

But if you thubk he feels he gets the final say in major decisions in the home, then yes, that's an issue.

mikado1 · 29/12/2024 10:37

ShortyShorts · 29/12/2024 10:32

It could be desperation.

My DH insists on having it on bloody 23 or 25.

Anything over 20 and I'm sweating my arse off and getting headaches, it's horrible.

He can put extra layers on but I can't take any more off.

I'm the same. Hate it and it feels stifling and I get headaches. Can never have it on in the bedroom, for example, can't have it on in the mornings. Sounds unreasonable perhaps but easier to put on a few layers than have headaches.

90yomakeuproom · 29/12/2024 10:37

I don't think it is. If he lives there too and finds it too hot, he should also have a say.

Undisclosedlocation · 29/12/2024 10:38

Why is it more controlling for him to insist on cooler, than you are to insist on warmer?

Of all the frankly ridiculous reasons to tar all men with the abuse brush, this has to be up there at the top!

FartyAnimal · 29/12/2024 10:40

My poxy husband keeps turning the thermostat up to 24. It's bloody boiling. So it is a constant up/down battle.

CornishPorsche · 29/12/2024 10:40

JMSA · 29/12/2024 10:35

On what planet would this be considered a huge red flag?! Grin
It's a difference of opinion.
Unless he continually keeps you in the cold, I think you need to get over yourself a bit.

The red flag to me would be keeping the home below, say, 16c or even above 22c...

If she's trying to heat the house above 23c and he's melting, he has a point. If she's trying to keep it about 18-20c, it could indeed be a red flag. So it depends on what is happening!

CandyCane5 · 29/12/2024 10:41

It's not a red flag. It can be costly. It can be extremely uncomfortable too hot.
A few degrees lower can make a difference to the bill.

I would happily have my heating up to 30, but know that's absolutely unreasonable for most and unnecessary to have it that warm.

MiniPumpkin · 29/12/2024 10:42

Maybe he feels the same as me, dh will turn heating on and I get to a stage I am completely melting and I just have to put it off.

Pigeonqueen · 29/12/2024 10:43

Well if you can’t afford it or it’s on 33 degrees or something then it’s not controlling, just common sense.