Dp restricting the heating - red flag

[whatamidoingheree]

Just that. He has been complaining i put it up too high and joked he would put a restriction on it. I laughed and said try it. But he did.

I have since made him take it off.

Is that not a major red flag though?!

You told him to, in isolation probably not, if there’s more maybe.

I agree with DP. Heating hasn't been on for several days... it's boiling. I almost changed the duvet last night and we always have the window open at night. Even DP thought it was warm.

Unless he has a financial problem which would mean he couldn't pay for the increased price incurred by turning up the heating, then yes, it IS a major red flag for him to be saying that HE is the one who has total control over the heating (or anything else!)

Is he seeking 'control' in other areas?

Not necessarily - the language wasn't great but many folk do have to be careful how high they turn their heating because it costs money. It's a bit entitled to not be aware of that.

I'm not sure how you can say that with such little information from the OP.

For all we know she could be sat in a t-shirt or thin cardigan, while he's sweating his nuts off and getting headaches.

She needs to come back with more info.

You say you made him change it back to your preference. So no, it doesn't sound like a bloody red flag.

So you 'made him' change it and you think he is the one who is controlling? OK.

Actually that's a fair point.

"I have since made him take it off."

Why didn't you just take it off yourself? You can't go 'making' other adults do things for you and then moan about control.

@Copernicus321 I agree with DP. Heating hasn't been on for several days... it's boiling. I almost changed the duvet last night and we always have the window open at night. Even DP thought it was warm.

Jesus, what country are you in??? my part of scotland was baltic last night!

So you gave him the go-ahead to put a restriction on the heating (you were joking but maybe he didn't realise?) but then you made him take it off? And you're asking if he is the 'major red flag'?

As other PP have said, it's impossible to answer your question without more information. But some of us really hate having the heating on too high, whereas you seem to like your house very warm, so maybe you and DP are going to have to figure out a compromise.

The issue is the restrictor

Which he has decided on

I'm in NW England and it's been pretty mild the last few nights where I live. Over Christmas I don't think it even dropped into single figures at night.

Jesus, what country are you in??? my part of scotland was baltic last night!

Where in Scotland are you? We've just had a week in the North East and it's unseasonably warm. Now back in the central belt, it's definitely not Baltic.

I'm in Scotland too (quite far north) - it's quite mild and I turned the heating in the lounge down and turned it off completely in my bedroom. DS has kept his bedroom heater on the timer though, as he feels colder.

Central heating makes some people ill, it definitely does me, much easier and cheaper to put more layers on.

I forgot to open a bedroom window last night and woke up with a headache, despite no heat!
We spend the time turning up and down, opening and closing windows, turning on and off lights and putting up and down blinds 😆

I mean if it's really cold (less than 15 or so) and he's also denying you access to jumpers/slippers/blankets etc maybe you'd have a point.

I mean if it's really cold (less than 15 or so) and he's also denying you access to jumpers/slippers/blankets etc maybe you'd have a point.

Took it as more of a dare/threat from OP.

Then she 'made' him take it off.....

Not coming across well OP. You both have a right to feel comfortable, taking into account heating costs.

You can layer up if cold, if it's too hot for him, he can't do much.

I know a couple of households where temperatures are at high 20's all through the year.
In summer they combat it by opening windows, not turning the heating down.
More money than sense.

I’m in Wales and we’ve had the windows open in the day all over the Christmas period.

As PPs have said, it depends how high. If DH wanted the heating on 25 round the clock, I wouldn't be happy.

If you're just putting it to 18 an hour a day then he's very unreasonable.

This is very relevant, along with how long is it on for each day?

And she has ‘made’ him remove…

Sounds like a petty, somewhat childish squabble, not a red flag. Unless of course the OP cares to fill us in on some pertinent facts which support her notion of abusive behaviour

If it’s a controlling/money thing, then yes it’s a red flag. If he’s just too hot, less so.

Of course it’s not a red flag in isolation. My DH is an angel, but we do lock horns over the heating. He doesn’t feel the cold but I do. Just having it on for a few hours each day is costing over £300 a month at the moment so I understand where he’s coming from, but I’d still prefer it to be warmer.