Dp restricting the heating - red flag

[whatamidoingheree]

Just that. He has been complaining i put it up too high and joked he would put a restriction on it. I laughed and said try it. But he did.

I have since made him take it off.

Is that not a major red flag though?!

Op should have used the conversation as a starter to discuss whether they can afford/not afford and whether they should be wearing warmer clothers, shutting curtains etc.and what temperature is reasonable. Have an adult talk.

more input needed. How high are you putting it? are you running round in shorts & t-shirt? how are your finances? how are your finances split?

I prefer a cool house, thankfully so does DH. We are careful about spending too much money on unnecessary things like too much heating and would rather put on socks & slippers and a jumper/hoodie over turning the heaving up higher. Only then will we crank it up a bit for a while.

Too many unknowns to call it a "red flag". TBH if i were married to a DH who insisted on running the house too warm, and i was living in shorts and t-shirt, I'd call that a red flag if he wouldn't compromise

It depends, it can be a red flag? Is he trying to set it very low, are you trying to set it very high? You should be able to discuss this and agree on a temperature.

I agree with other posters. It all depends on his reasons for restricting. I restrict the heat in my house too, but that is due to financial reasons. It's costing me a fortune to keep it at 18 degrees already. At night I even turn it down to 16, but that's mostly because I sleep better in a colder room with more blankets and my heating system is also kind of loud.

I'm in Scotland. We didn't put the heating on at all on Saturday and only briefly on Sunday. Neither of us thought we needed it.

He is uncomfortably hot (which is expensive & bad for planet). You are uncomfortably cold (and ithats miserable!). I assume you're wearing layers of thicker clothes and he's in a tee shirt?
In which case you need to compromise on what temperature you can each tolerate. It would be unusual not to be able to find a middle ground.

We never have heating on in bedrooms and it's switched off completely when we're both in bed. Not financial considerations- just not needed.

If he's paying the bill, or half of it, and it's either his house or your joint house, then it's fair enough to say it's too hot. It's very expensive and some people feel the cold less. Get a little space heater and use it in the room you're in alone if you get really cold. But right now jumpers, scarves and hats are a more economical way forward. That's not to say the heating shouldn't be on at all.

It depends.
I really, really feel the cold. Currently in 3 layers, but 5 is the norm. House is currently at 16. Heating on for 2 hours in the morning and about 3 in the evening. 20 is the highest is gets, although I would love to have it higher and have it on longer. But the bill would be massive.

It's not boiling 😂 Jesus Christ 😂

It depends. Is it his house, your or you live together? I would worry he is tight to be honest.

I've felt boiling the last couple of days tbh.

How big is your house????? I pay £130 a month for gas and electricity combined and my heating is on for about 5 hours a day (sometimes more if I have loads of washing to dry).

It might mean you are incompatible if you MUST have the house hot and he MUST have the house cold. So it could be a red flag in that regard that you are incapable of sharing a house with both of you comfortable with the temperature.

Tight or aware of how much things cost?

And depends on the house. It's often warmer out than inside our house. Think my house was built for warmer climes, cos it's amazing on a hot day.

No, get a grip

I don’t think it’s a red flag unless it’s an overreaction done in anger, he controls both of your finances tightly, or it’s at a temperature that’s so cold it would be very uncomfortable.

If I lived in a house where people kept turning the heating up high I’d be annoyed too, it’s unnecessary and expensive when you can put on thermal socks and a thick sweatshirt

I constantly turn the thermostat and radiators down. DH constantly turns them up.

I just don't sit in the sitting room in the evenings when the heating is on full as I get so hot I can't cool down enough to sleep.

If he puts the woodburner on I leave the room.

I hate the heat. Is your DH the same?

Are you going to tell us what temperature you had it at @whatamidoingheree ???

It's not really a red flag just a difference of opinion. You like a hot house, he likes a cooler house. It is ridiculously expensive anyway so it absolutely makes sense to keep a lid on it.

You could argue and ask is it a red flag that you insist on turning up the heating and not be better focused on what it is going to cost?

This old chestnut.
Some houses don't have mains gas, and it's much more expensive to heat with electricity (even on an E7 tariff).
Some areas have cheaper rates of electricity than others.
Some houses are older/more drafty/harder to insulate.
Some houses are in colder locations.
Some houses are larger.

No. Most people have the heating on a timer and or thermostat. I like the house warmer than everyone else which is why I wear a snuddie a lot of the winter.

Major red flag. Do not have children with him. It's one thing to argue about it, it's another to put a restriction on it. I'd keep a very close eye out for any other controlling behaviour. You don't want to discovered when you have had kids and you are vulnerable that you missed the signs.

I think that's a bit unfair. Not wanting to shell out potentially hundreds a month for heating that he doesn't feel is necessary seems pretty sensible to me. And plenty of people do have to be careful about spending because they don't have much coming in. That doesn't make them tight.

But all of this is academic really as the OP hasn't been back to clarify anything!

ETA: agh, quote fail - this was for the poster who thought the DP was maybe being tight!