Dp restricting the heating - red flag

[whatamidoingheree]

Just that. He has been complaining i put it up too high and joked he would put a restriction on it. I laughed and said try it. But he did.

I have since made him take it off.

Is that not a major red flag though?!

Never said it wasn't.

Well no. Making your partner put up with a temperature that’s far too warm for them is pretty controlling.

It depends if you live together and share finances/pay most of the bills.

I have to restrict the amount of hearing I use for financial reasons.
I am not controlling.
I am just sensible and won’t get into debt when I can put extra layers on or move more instead.

If money isn’t an issue, then it could be a red flag.

If money is an issue, then it’s not a red flag.

Edit: unless he finds the heat uncomfortable, which means YABU to turn it up.

From context it’s hard to judge.
As others have said so much more information is needed.
The temp you put it at, the temp he puts it at?
was it done in jest?

I can imagine me doing something like that to my husband and laughing when he finds out. He is one that will turn it up to 25 to get it hot. The max I do is 22 and even then I’m too hot it’s normally just to get the heat flowing again and then turn it down to 19.

I also agree with this.

There’s nothing worse than being too hot in your own home.

If you are cold you can add layers, but there’s only so much he can do to cool off.

I'm in Ireland and it's been unseasonably warm here since Christmas eve. 9/10 degrees at night. Daytime temperatures of 12/13 degrees some days. We're walking round the house in t-shirts.

5iveleafclovers
I'm in Ireland and it's been unseasonably warm here since Christmas eve. 9/10 degrees at night. Daytime temperatures of 12/13 degrees some days. We're walking round the house in t-shirts

Here too, NW coast. Noticed yesterday that the pear, lilac and magnolia trees are already in bud and new leaves appearing on the roses. Earliest I’ve ever seen. Bizarre.

It may have been the challenge that compelled him to do it rather than keeping you in your place. You would be better to reach a compromise. In terms of red flag, one off incident no, but look out fir other things along side it

You had a discussion around the heating. He wants it lower you want it higher. You discuss and agree what it should be. It is not a "red flag" just because he will not do what you want. iIt is more worrying that you think he should just roll over.

I've been to friends and families homes where they have the heating turned up high as all hell. Their home, their choice but I'm dying. 🥵🥵🥵 I couldn't live like that in my own home.

So no, he shouldn't be putting restrictions on the heating but it's possibly telling you haven't mentioned what temperature you like it at, and also what temperature he likes it to be. It's his home as well presumably and he deserves to feel comfortable too.

Or the blokes just sick of being too warm

I cant deal with heating over 20.
I once had an ex that would want the heating on 30 plus all day and night i couldnt deal with it.
If its to hot my head will start banging.
I have my windows open 24/7 i dont know how some people do it windows closed heating full on.
I went in my friends house once and walked out the back door it was so hot and stuffy.

Not getting your own way op is not a red flag.
Not everything is a red flag.

I think some folk are brought up being used to getting their own way all/most of the time.

I'm glad someone finds the COL crisis amusing.

Jesus wept. Have you ever lived with anyone before? It’s entirely normal to have to go through several iterations before you get to a happy balance of temperature/ cost balancing.

Ours is set to 19. That suits us all fine. Have you talked about it? What is it set to?

I have parental controls on mine and only I know the code, it's set at a perfectly reasonable 18 degrees and dc whine they want it warmer, tough!

18 is the minimum recommended.
18-20 is the recommended.

The recommended temps vary for different rooms/parts of the house.

Not a 'red flag' if you're blasting up the heating continuously and making him uncomfortably hot. I can't bear an overheated house...makes me feel sick. Of course, if he's insisting you live in arctic conditions and you are LITERALLY freezing your arse off, that's a different matter. If it's just that you are feeling the cold a bit more than he is, put another layer on or wrap yourself in a blanket. It's easier to warm up by adding layers if you're too cold, than it is to strip off if you're too warm..nobody wants to walk round naked!

You've not given enough context. If he's put it at 17 or something and you're uncomfortable then yes that's not good, but if you're putting it at 21 and he's melting then it's fair enough.
As an aside if you are constantly cold in normal temperatures it can be a thyroid issue.
Either way he's agreed to put it back up so it's not a red flag, just a difference of opinion.

Are your DC quite slim or under teen age? My weight is on the lower boundary of healthy (naturally) and I'm genuinely cold at 18, 19 is comfortable. I'm pretty sure it's weight related as during pregnancies when I managed to put weight on I didnt feel the cold as much. If you can afford it I'd put it up a little. My DP is slightly larger (not overweight but close to) and stays warm much easier than us.

Not a red flag unless he wants the heating kept unreasonably low. In general I think it's wrong from an environmental viewpoint to leave its use unrestricted: it should never be too high, and should not be on in rooms that don't need it.

You're passive aggressive to me, you get it right back attacha.