To think my sister wouldn’t steal from my mum?

[MuggyMcMuffin]

My mum called me this evening in a state. She’s an older lady who keeps envelopes of money in her house and knows the exact spots for each envelope. She usually withdraws money from her bank and then shares it across the envelopes. This evening, she went to add some money to a certain envelope only to find that the envelope was gone. It had around £2.2k in. I went round to check for her and it’s definitely not there. She last added money to it 2 weeks ago.

Mum had told me that years ago, my sister had stolen from her on 3 occasions. She has suspicions that my sister has stolen the envelope. My sister is often at mums house before going to work.

AIBU to think my sister wouldn’t do this?!

Why on Earth does she have that kind of money in cash lying around? Who else has been in the house?

It sounds like she may have stolen from her!
Your mum's hiding place has been found so she should change what she does!

YABU. Of course your sister could take it. I’d call the police and tell your sister you’ve done so, see her reaction it’ll tell you what you need to know.

@Miloarmadillo2 isn't that beside the point? A lot of my mums generation do the same. I’ve tried to advise against it. My brother, but he doesn’t know where these envelopes are..

@Dal101 I honestly cannot fathom how she would have the conscience to do that.. I feel like I/ we need more proof before doing that. I’m so conflicted and upset for my mum

@Timeforsnacks I have told mum so many times to keep it in the bank, but she’s stubborn and stuck in her ways

Lots of people steal from their parents.

But also, lots of older people would get confused about which envelopes were where, or what was in them.

Impossible to say which is more likely without knowing the people involved!

My mum, although not really elderly, is convinced people (carers) are taking things. I often find them in different places. Could the envelope have been moved?

I don't think you can rule out theft, but I would also say that it's not unusual, sadly, for older people who are developing dementia to move items of theirs, then forget they've done it, and accuse people of stealing from them as, for them, the only possible explanation. Could this be the case with your mum? How old is she?

Is there any background at all that would give a reason why your sister might steal from your mum? And who else has access to the house?

This could be the start of dementia, or could be your sister stealing. Nobody here can tell you. You need to get on top of things with your mum putting money in the bank and have a chat with your sister, then figure out what to do from there. I would think you and/or your brother would be aware if your sister was likely to steal or not.

Sorry, trying to reply to everyone.

My sister has stolen from my mum years ago though, but on 3 occasions.

Mum is mid 80s but has all her faculties. She’s very on it with money and counting it. She’s never ever misplaced something. I checked everywhere and we couldn’t find it

You need to act more decisively. Say to your mum firmly that if money is going missing then the safest thing to do is keep it all in the bank. You will go with her to pay it back in. If you do this, take photos of the receipts etc as evidence for later. However I think more about the situation will come out if you do this.

My mum constantly tells me, I’m the only child she trusts with money. It’s heartbreaking but it’s from previous experiences that she has those views

Set small indoor camera/cameras around the spots where you mum is keeping the envelopes.
Time will tell.

Only stolen three times before. Oh that’s alright then.

Well then the most logical answer is someone with access took it... was it you? (Doubt it) so more likely your sister. Why are you so sure she didn't when she has form?
Also, ask her. Could you tell by her reaction?

If your mum still insists on keeping money at home,I'd be putting up cameras I'm afraid.

FFS. Listen to your mum. Your sister has previous and you are burying your head in the sand. Disgusting behaviour from both of you

I was considering hidden cameras but didn’t know if it was OTT.

You must understand I feel really upset about this situation.

I think if I were to say to my sister that an envelope of mums had gone missing and she was really upset, I could tell from my sisters reaction

If she can’t trust her own kids then she shouldn’t have thousands of pounds lying around the house.

Have any tradesmen been in? Her friends could have popped around to see her before Christmas or an envelope could have easily been moved without thinking while doing other jobs.

Wow, absolutely 0 need for this! Get back in your box. I have a lot going on.

If your sister has a history of stealing from your mum I can’t understand why you’re so certain she wouldn’t have this time?

I agree to set up a camera.

Does anyone else have access to the house?

@TwinkleLights24 the amount of times I have told her that it’s not safe. She doesn’t listen, she’s very stubborn and I can’t make her move her money. I can only advise.

No trades people. Friends, yes, but they don’t know where the money is.

It's an odd post. Strangers on the internet can't know if the sister would steal, but the fact that she's done so on 3 previous occasions indicates that she might, surely?

because my mind cannot comprehend how she would do this to my mum. If she needed money, and asked, my mum would always be willing to help.

It does break my heart for mum.