To think my sister wouldn’t steal from my mum?

[MuggyMcMuffin]

My mum called me this evening in a state. She’s an older lady who keeps envelopes of money in her house and knows the exact spots for each envelope. She usually withdraws money from her bank and then shares it across the envelopes. This evening, she went to add some money to a certain envelope only to find that the envelope was gone. It had around £2.2k in. I went round to check for her and it’s definitely not there. She last added money to it 2 weeks ago.

Mum had told me that years ago, my sister had stolen from her on 3 occasions. She has suspicions that my sister has stolen the envelope. My sister is often at mums house before going to work.

AIBU to think my sister wouldn’t do this?!

Surely massive wads of cash in envelopes wouldn't be that hard to find.

May be is misplaced. I keep little cash we give my daughter for the holidays and it grew quite a bit. I forgot recently where put it but found it

Get her a locking fireproof safe if she insists on keeping cash around the house. And, as others have said, numerous web cams.

Having that much money in cash in the house is ridiculous. Your DM may know how much she has, but she clearly isn't thinking straight if she thinks it's a good idea for an elderly female to have over two grand in a random envelope in her house.

Neither of you know if your Dsis has taken the money or not, and by accusing her then you'll ruin any relationship you have with her. If her previous incidents were many years ago, there is no guarantee at all it was her, or indeed that the envelope was actually missing.

I would comfort your DM, but strongly encourage her to keep her cash in the bank going forward, and tell her she's on her own if she wants to discuss this with Dsis.

My late DM told me in all seriousness and great detail that the niece of her old friend had visited her and stole various items of jewellery and cash.
She also told the friend.
The friend then phoned me to tell me she thought mum was ill. The friend, Winnie* said, "I don't mind, Siobhan, but I don't have any nieces!"
Sadly it was an early sign of Alzheimer's. She went on to confuse reality and fantasy, or possibly dreams, more and more.
*not her real name.

Doesn’t matter who took it in one sense — if an old lady has been robbed then it needs to be reported to the police and your other family members informed of the fact.

There's definitely 2 sides to this, your mum could be confused or wrong but don't discount a child stealing from their parent even if it's your sister. Sadly I've seen it happen many many times.

Not if she wants them and agrees to them on the basis that it will clear up if her money is being stolen.

@MuggyMcMuffin I know that you dont want to believe that your sister would, but that doesnt mean that she hasnt. We all want to believe the best in those we love, doesnt mean that we are right.

What a scoundrel, your sister!! She must check everything! Invading mums privacy!
Advise your mum not to do this, or buy her a safe or 3, that is bolted down!!
Or keep the safe at your house.

This. Its a mess isn't it ? Wouldn't accuse anyone. Sort out her finances.

Why on earth does she need that amount of money in cash? I’m not surprised she doesn’t like ATMs, but surely she would be better off just writing cheques for larger purchases.

if you don’t think your sister would steal from your mum then why aren’t you looking at your brother more or other access. Even if you think your brother doesn’t know where they are he may be found out. You say your mum mentioned you’re the only one she trusts so she doesn’t trust your brother either .. why?

She’s already stolen from her, so it could well be her. I’d not say anything and put cameras up. If you let her know you’re into her beforehand she won’t do it again, or will work harder to hide it.

I know many posters have been commenting on how silly it is to keep that much cash in the house but, just as OP has said, I imagine many people of the OP's mother's generation do this - my own parents did it, before they learned the hard way that it wasn't safe to do so when they were targeted a few years ago by a "distraction" burglary (I won't say too much more but it was a very distressing incident).

As for the sister potentially stealing it, that's also something I relate to, OP - sadly, I have experience of a sibling who has stolen, not from my parents, but from me - I let them stay at my flat once when they were in a crisis and then noticed some of the cash I had in my flat (we're talking under £100) started going missing. They eventually confessed to taking it. Sad to say but I've never been able to trust them since.

I honestly don't think it's nasty to say that if your sister has been caught out stealing from her on three previous occasions, there's every likelihood she will do it again.

my father (would've now been 87) was like that about keeping cash about - and carrying hundreds about in cash too,
gradually dissuaded him from this over the years - I'm sure it's not coincidence that my brother stopped visiting once there was less cash lying around and he knew i was keeping tabs on what was there.

Before I started getting involved (had been NC for a long while) my Father had asked me about bonds that were about to mature, and what to do with them; I'd said I'd sort it, but left them with him. He had a stroke a few days later - he was in hospital when I found my brother rooting around the house.
I knew exactly where the bonds were, from the previous weekend - I reported them as stolen & no loss. Brother & his wife were the only ones that had been in the house. - and weirdly no cash lying about the house, although one stash of around £1k reappeared in a place I'd previously searched, Mentioned the bonds to my brother, asked if he'd seen them and told him that I'd reported the theft - no accusations, maybe the house has been unlocked when DF taken to hospital.

When my DF was out of hospital, I had a conversation with him about the missing bonds, and he did eventually say there had been more money in the house, although he wouldn't say how much - the thefts were what helped me persuade him to have less cash about.

In a way, it's a good thing that DM suspects your sister may have taken the money; try and use the opportunity to gently persuade your DM to keep her cash in the bank - or at the very least get a small cash safe (and not disclose this or the code to your sister)

Absolutely. Past behaviour is indicative of future behaviour.

Does your DMs contents insurance even cover holding that amount of cash in the house?

Well we don't know your sister. Of course it's possible

Yes, you are being very unreasonable to dismiss the possibility that someone who has already stolen from your mother three times would not be capable of a hat trick.

The fact that your mother says this behaviour happened many years ago and - presumably - no repeat offending in the intervening time does, however, offender.

Where did you see the word 'only'? I can't seem to find it

My brother booted the front door in and stole everything my mum owned and sold it for 1/4 of it's value

Don't underestimate what people will do for money.

But, if you've no proof it was her... Not much you can do.

Make sure it's a fireproof safe as well. And big enough for all financial paperwork etc. too.

So many different risks keeping money at home.

If you know for sure your sister has stolen from your Mum in the past why are you so surprised she might have done it again? Your Mum should be keeping her money safely in the bank or post office. It's ridiculous to keep many envelopes of money around the house. What if there was a fire and she lost the lot?

My sister has also stolen from our Mother and myself in the past. It started when she was very young and at one point social Workers became involved. My parents were told to ignore it as a bad behaviour and praise the good, so you can imagine how that went down when she stole from me. Anyway, these days she is out of contact with the rest of the family, which is certainly easier. When our father was dying his partner's house was raided, and only his things were stolen. Things she would have expected to have, as my brothers and I were low/no contact with him. The partner was absolutely convinced that my sister was the guilty party, believing that she would have manipulated one of her sons into sharing the door entry code with her. Even with what I knew, I found it hard to believe she would stoop so low. We may never know.

I like the idea of cameras, tell her you've had them fitted and need to get round to checking them, and see her response. Give her the chance to squirm/come up with an excuse/explanation, then take it from there, do what you need to protect your Mum. Maybe a little safe that you only tell her the regularly changed access code for in emergencies, and just leave her a sensible amount readily available. If she doesn't trust your sister then she needs to act accordingly. Would she ask her if she borrowed it and forgot to return it?

I'm sorry that you're dealing with this, I know how disappointing even considering it as a possibility is.