To think my sister wouldn’t steal from my mum?

[MuggyMcMuffin]

My mum called me this evening in a state. She’s an older lady who keeps envelopes of money in her house and knows the exact spots for each envelope. She usually withdraws money from her bank and then shares it across the envelopes. This evening, she went to add some money to a certain envelope only to find that the envelope was gone. It had around £2.2k in. I went round to check for her and it’s definitely not there. She last added money to it 2 weeks ago.

Mum had told me that years ago, my sister had stolen from her on 3 occasions. She has suspicions that my sister has stolen the envelope. My sister is often at mums house before going to work.

AIBU to think my sister wouldn’t do this?!

Victim blaming at its finest. Lovely.

She doesn’t just allow anyone into her home! Stop victim blaming

@MuggyMcMuffin Ignore the ridiculous victim blaming. How are you today? Have you managed to get any clarity at all?

Yes I would go down this route. Not up to you or your Mum to accuse then.

I’m a bit confused here. You say your sister has stolen money from your mother three times previously, but you can’t believe she has done it on this occasion. It doesn’t make sense.

Get the safe for your DM Op then she can have the best of both worlds. I know you probably wouldn't want to go to the police, just be aware usually the police won't go forward with charges unless you have video images so you'd need to get a secret camera for your DM as well

I'd be careful jumping to conclusions. To your knowledge your brother doesn't know where the envelops are but he could have found one. It could have slipped behind furniture, it could be any guest she had or your sister.

I think you need to consider the consequences of confronting her and decide what to do.

Does anyone else like your brother live in the house or likely to visit and know where money could be hidden , have either sibling been buying goods or spending freely . Unless you challenge them you will never know , are her bank books safe?

Why can your mind not comprehend this, when your sister has stolen before?

It sounds like the OP just doesn’t want to believe that her sister has done it again, I guess. Hopefully she gets to the bottom of it.

I would be sending my sister a message to say. Don't know if your aware but someone has stolen from mum. I'm going round tomorrow to show mum how to get the footage up on the camera I installed. Will be taking it to the police once we have checked it. Just thought you should know so we can keep an eye on any visitors or contractors in the property. See if she says anything.

What about getting your Mum to have a house safe installed?

Unfortunately many of the older generation refuse to keep their money in banks

Ignore the nasty comments. My parents have hidden money for many years. No amount of talking to them would change their minds. Money went missing pretty regularly (turned out to be my youngest brother but mum always covered for him) mum passed away last year and younger brother has been nowhere near the house cos he knows dad would disown him.
Get a safe, not one of those little lock boxes, but a proper safe. My parents ended up having to do that to stop money/important things going missing.

I think I may have misunderstood or projected my own family situation as family members do steal when replying sorry

Have you helped mum search the house for it does she have any memory loss could she have moved the envelope has it fallen down the back of a cupboard dm accused a cleaner and I think sacked her for stealing a coaster once when it had just fallen off the tv unit onto the magazine rack.

Not ideal to keep cash in the house could you get a safe fitted for her

I didnt say 'just anyone' I said anyone. She should stop allowing anyone into her home including your sister etc and she can tell them the reason is she's had money go missing and doesn't want anyone to be accused wrongly so is no longer taking visitors. Maybe your sis will then get the hint without being directly accused. I'm not victim blaming - in fact I've never even heard that expression in real life only on mumsnet.

Maybe the issue is your aceptance about your sister’s dishonesty
you need to take action to protect your mother
this may cause an upset in the family dynamic
once you have made a decision to act you will feel lees conflicted your motives are solely to protect your mother you can do as much as you can in that regard
I would try to separate this from how you deal with your sister you obviously feel disappointed that she has proven untrustworthy but sometimes we enable situations because we don’t want to accept and deal with someone else’s negative behaviour who enabled the situation where she had so much power to control your mothers finances who has POA
maybe you can consider appointeeship jointly with your sister
she may step up if she knows she’s under scrutiny

If she's not confident with the cash point machine, could I suggest Post Office. She just has to remember the PIN number then, no pressing the right button to withdraw or the amount. She asks for the amount she wants, puts her card in the keypad, they type in the amount and it comes through on the key pad and she just enters the PIN, they count the cash out for her. She can also pay in cash to her account at pretty much any (if not all?) banks at the PO.

Unfortunately this sort of thing happens all the time- two things to address- keeping envelopes with large amounts of cash around is very risky- what about when someone comes in to do a job or read the meter?
You can't really accuse your sister of taking it, because there are lots of other explanations for the missing money- your mother forgot where she put the envelope or how much was in it, or confused it with a different one.
Having several keyholders means the possibility of suspecting theft will always be there-whether it has happened or not-it's a mad way to organise your money, and quite unnecessary. Your Mum may also be wrong about her taking money in the past- it's my experience once someone has got away with it they will keep doing it until the money is gone.

Thank you! I’ve tried to reply where I can and I appreciate all the words of advice.

My mum spoke to my sister and her children. She said she was really upset and explained what happened. She told me from my sister’s reaction, she doesn’t believe it’s her. Mum made the assumption to me because of those previous occasions and me and my sister knowing her hiding spaces.

My mum was full of emotions last night and since she’s calmed down and been able to think properly.

The only other people that have been to her house, is my brother and her two friends.

My sister text me saying she can’t believe someone was stupid enough to take it all.

I think your sister is the most likely culprit as she has form. You've ruled out everyone else. Would you describe your sister as stupid? No, probably not, which is why she's said that. Reverse psychology. You're upset by posters stating it's your sister who has taken the money because you can't imagine taking money from your mum. This is pretty naive. Yes, it's shocking and horrible, but that doesn't mean that isn't what has happened.

I am confused by the update sorry so does your dm not think it's your dsis who has taken the money now?

"....My sister text me saying she can't believe someone was stupid enough to take it all."

Rather odd thing to text, don't you think @MuggyMcMuffin ?

Your sister is playing you all lol.

Just install cameras and get a home safe so your mum isn’t taken advantage of again.

Do you have post office accounts in the UK where you can lodge and withdraw money ?
We have them in Ireland.
Also one of our main banks has linked with the Irish post office so you "bank" there to some extent.
Do you have similar in the UK @MuggyMcMuffin.

I do think you should have taken on board the advice given to pretend that there was a hidden camera and you were going over to check up on it.
It would have been interesting to see your sister's reaction.
She knows your mother's hiding places, that's for sure.