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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ick of Christmas present from Dp

459 replies

DivaORJustified · 28/12/2024 12:21

Usually Dp give each other a wish list of specific items or vague items like earrings so the other can choose.
Was really happy with the earrings he brought be, they were under stated but very elegant, exactly what I would chose. On Boxing Day when we had his dc under 10, one of his daughters presents was exact same pair of earrings in gold instead of rose gold. Am I right to feel upset about it as it doesn’t feel like a romantic or thoughtful gift anymore. Happy for opinions no matter how harsh. Thank you

OP posts:
CostaDelOrchard · 28/12/2024 12:22

Did he get you anything else?

Marblesbackagain · 28/12/2024 12:23

YABU, they are earrings, so are generic to any age. It's not an intimate gift.

Original poster
DivaORJustified · 28/12/2024 12:23

CostaDelOrchard · 28/12/2024 12:22

Did he get you anything else?

Yes, specific items on my list and flowers.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 28/12/2024 12:24

Marblesbackagain · 28/12/2024 12:23

YABU, they are earrings, so are generic to any age. It's not an intimate gift.

Different earring would have been fine

The same is weird - especially as it's not the OP's actual daughter

Seems at best, total lack of imagination

Annabella92 · 28/12/2024 12:26

Marblesbackagain · 28/12/2024 12:23

YABU, they are earrings, so are generic to any age. It's not an intimate gift.

What's an intimate gift then?

I don't think OP is BU to feel that way, I think it's neither reasonable nor unreasonable to interpret the gift that way, it's just that OP did, and was disappointed when it turned out that wasn't the intention. I think that's fair for OP to feel that way. Nobody is at fault.

Marblesbackagain · 28/12/2024 12:26

Nanny0gg · 28/12/2024 12:24

Different earring would have been fine

The same is weird - especially as it's not the OP's actual daughter

Seems at best, total lack of imagination

Show quote history

I don't see the issue finds a style buys two, in different colours? Why not? I have news for ye, there will be many millions wearing the same generic earrings 🤷‍♀️.

Needmorelego · 28/12/2024 12:27

I don't see the issue.
He thought they'd look pretty on his wife and pretty on his daughter 🤷

Biroclicker · 28/12/2024 12:27

Perhaps it was a 3 for 2 deal and he has an OW?

WickedlyCharmed · 28/12/2024 12:27

It’s just lazy isn’t it, buying the same earrings for your girlfriend and also your 9 year old daughter.

SometimesCalmPerson · 28/12/2024 12:28

It’s the same gift with the same amount of thought and romance attached to it as it had before you saw he’d bought them for his dd.

You are attaching meaning that was never there. Blokes don’t tend to overthink gifts, he just saw some earrings he liked and thought that his wife and daughter would like them too. So it wasn’t very imaginative but so what? Being imaginative with gifts isn’t an indication of how much he loves you.

MiddleClassProblem · 28/12/2024 12:29

To me it feels a bit gross like he’s making you a set but it’s probably just laziness mixed with that he thought they were nice and not creepy in anyway.

Marmiteontoastgirlie · 28/12/2024 12:30

Yes that’s weird and YANBU! You’re well within your rights to expect a nice romantic present from your DH and also your own pair of earrings not just the same as he got someone else! Would be different if it was novelty socks for the family but earrings for your wife should be special.

lazyarse123 · 28/12/2024 12:30

It's an odd way for you to think.
It's not like he bought them for your ndn and he bought you other things you'd asked for plus flowers. Seems like a nice bloke.

thisoldcity · 28/12/2024 12:32

I don't see the issue either. Nice earrings are nice earrings! Quite sweet he bought the same thing for two people he loves.

Marmiteontoastgirlie · 28/12/2024 12:33

I do think best way to approach is to give him a gentle ribbing about it and make it clear you keen for a bit more romance in future. I think it’s also strange to get same earrings for an under 10 year old - makes it seem like they must have been quite cheap and you probably assumed maybe they were pricier than they were before you saw it was also given to a child? Would almost be nicer if he gave same earrings to his mum or an adult daughter as at least then it would be like a serious adult gift ya know.

TallNeckedGiraffe · 28/12/2024 12:34

So he got you other gifts and flowers as well. Yes, you are a diva.

teatoast8 · 28/12/2024 12:34

Yanbu

Original poster
DivaORJustified · 28/12/2024 12:35

They were actually an expensive brand. That’s why I’m a bit dumb struck as that was the only gift I didn’t chose so would have been nice if it was a “special” gift.

OP posts:
SometimesCalmPerson · 28/12/2024 12:37

It was a special gift!

He loves his daughter as much as he loves you you know!

Original poster
DivaORJustified · 28/12/2024 12:38

Just takes the excitement and “shine” off, this is only gift he’s chose for me this year. For my birthday he took me to an event which was my birthday surprise and brought me a dress that I wanted. I do same for his birthday too; it’s an equal thing

OP posts:
Original poster
DivaORJustified · 28/12/2024 12:40

I wouldn’t have cared if the earrings were £20 if they were selected by him for me only.

OP posts:
Catza · 28/12/2024 12:42

DivaORJustified · 28/12/2024 12:38

Just takes the excitement and “shine” off, this is only gift he’s chose for me this year. For my birthday he took me to an event which was my birthday surprise and brought me a dress that I wanted. I do same for his birthday too; it’s an equal thing

But this is entirely a "you" problem and it may actually be worth thinking deeper about what you think the real issue is.
As an outsider, it seems as though you want to be more special than his own child which is quite problematic. Would you have been similarly upset if she got different earrings which were more expensive than yours? Or if she got something entirely different that you would have perceived to be more thoughtful than your gift?

WeeOrcadian · 28/12/2024 12:44

What is an 'intimate gift'?

And YABU - he bought you stuff from your list and something he chose. You're being a brat.

honeylulu · 28/12/2024 12:45

I wouldn't like it either. I'm trying to put my finger on why. It's sort of "oh those are nice, I needn't carry on looking/thinking, just rinse and repeat".

TunnocksOrDeath · 28/12/2024 12:48

A gift of jewellery usually comes with the assumption that it was chosen by the giver specifically for the recipient, you wear it next to your skin, it's very personal. I would be a bit disappointed if DH bought someone else the same piece of jewellery as he bought me, it would indicate that it was chosen with the attitude of "That'll do" rather than "This is perfect for Tunnocks".