Ick of Christmas present from Dp

[DivaORJustified]

Usually Dp give each other a wish list of specific items or vague items like earrings so the other can choose.
Was really happy with the earrings he brought be, they were under stated but very elegant, exactly what I would chose. On Boxing Day when we had his dc under 10, one of his daughters presents was exact same pair of earrings in gold instead of rose gold. Am I right to feel upset about it as it doesn’t feel like a romantic or thoughtful gift anymore. Happy for opinions no matter how harsh. Thank you

I'd agree with this!

you need to read all this back. Is this even for real? If it is, leave the guy. You are impossible to please and incredibly hard work.

I haven't read your updates OP. As far as receiving the same earings in a different colour as your partners daughter I can't understand why you would feel anything other than delighted. I would be so excited to have the opportunity to share this lovely gesture with her. I guess we are all different in that respect but I see your partners intent as nothing other than wonderfully thoughtful.

@CurlyhairedAssassin i got him a Moonpig card with a pic of us on our first date and then one with now that said something like then and now and that I loved growing old with him. An expensive aftershave, handmade Indian sweets gift boxed that are his favourites, I got dessert, cooled, and brought a bottle of champagne that we didn’t end up drinking. I was also working Friday and he was complaining about dinner being late though he’d managed to go to the gym then do an additional work out pre dinner.

So, he wasn't expecting you to pay? In that case I'm struggling to see what he's done wrong here too.

He booked a spa day where you had to pay for yourself? For goodness sake, OP, get rid of this complete loser.

His decent actions are always post getting it wrong.. Ime this is how it will always be.

Suggest you take a friend to the spa. Have a proper break and revaluate what you want..

He isn't good for your mh imo.

From the update, it reads like he booked a spa day and was intending to pay for things but the OP assumed otherwise.

30+ years married and my husband has NEVER, and I mean NEVER complained about the timing or the non production of ANY dinner.

Why?
Because he is an adult and a real man.
Not a whiney twat who thinks I am the help.

He was at the gym too🙄.
Unbelievable.
In your house🙄
Ffs OP, Give your head a wobble.

Someone has said uppost that he didn’t know what to book for me. He said exactly this. It’s funny how 8 months into our relationship he booked me a treatment as a spa when he took me away for my birthday and now over 5 years in he is clueless. Even if he was, he could have said darling I didn’t know what to pick you so please sit down with me and let’s have a look so I can book it for you? There are ways of giving gifts and sending a link isn’t one of them.

Hes managed to change our arrival date to tomorrow as I’m not in a good place right now. We barely spoke last night though he cuddled me before we slept and fell asleep like that. We have kind of made up this morning but think resentment is still on both sides. I know I shouldn’t have lashed out, I do regret that. A lot more damage than good :(

OP, there may be all sorts of issues and problems in your relationship and he may have done all sorts of things wrong, but on the presents I’m afraid I do think you’re being a massive diva. It’s like you’re looking to find things to be annoyed about.

This relationship really needs help—do you get that? Couples counseling and individual counseling for what grievance is underlying your anger. He doesn’t have a problem—you do. Are you angry because the relationship is not progressing? You are still stuck—five years in—jogging along? Your “grow old” card seems to indicate more sentiment and depth than you feel he is showing. Your gifts are more thoughtful and personal than his. Maybe you are unconsciously trying to see if he really, specifically, and deeply cares for you as an individual and not as a convenience with a house.

I have booked gp appointment through private health care for Friday. It may be perimenopause, I don’t really know as I’m on the pill. I want to see if I can get some blood tests and see where I am at.
@pikkumyy77 he has expressed a wish to get married several times but my DC want me to wait till they are out of their teens. I feel I need to take a step back from everything I do for him and his dc right now. I’ve given too much and now I resent it because I’m not being appreciated. It feels like being married again!

Honestly, I don't know where they find you? Ok, a milk frother for his coffee is bad, but at least it's useful and a way of saying I want to stay in your life (or did you not get that?). I would be happy to have a blender for Christmas, tbh. It's useful. Better by far than the gift my ex-H gave me one Christmas: a copy of Man Watching by D. Morris (I loathed D. Morris). I had asked for E. Gaitskell's Wives and Daughters, and ex-H told me he had not bought it as he did not think it was a suitable book for me to read (i.e. had not a flying F what the book was but assumed radical feminism and also that he was entitled to monitor what I read - total BS and one reason he's now ex). Late DH bought me a halogen oven one year because I asked for one. He also bought me dresses, and books, jewellery etc. Why are you so antsy? You got other presents. (Bit dim of him to buy earings for 10-year-old DD who isn't interested in earings, but some 10-year-old girls would love such a present.)
Sorry, above post was about the earings - but it stands.

@Incenseda OP's DP is doing his best. She is just hard to please. Had my late DH booked a spa night (very unlikely, more likely take me out to dinner) I'd have taken it as read it included a treatment - OP has to have everything written down in capital letters before she can understand what's going on. Hard on work on steroids.

You seem to be measuring the value of your relationship by the value of the gifts. You sound entitled, difficult and materialistic. What a way to live. Jesus.

I think you should take some time and read all your posts back.

Excellent idea.
Drop that rope.
Listen to your children.
Who EXACTLY benefits from you marrying him?

Cos it ain't you, thats for sure.

Not sure how wanting a pair of earring especially brought for myself would make me materialistic.
It would be like me buying my brother the same aftershave as dp. I would have been ok with it if he’d said upfront he brought his dd the same. It made me feel like a fool on Boxing Day, I could not believe my eyes!

As an extra I bought my brother the same pair of funny socks as I bought for DH 😂Thankfully they are good friends & appreciated the humour. I'll never understand your take on the earings but as mentioned in a previous post we are all different with different values.

I think you overlayed a sentimental meaning to the earrings that just wasn’t there for him. He bought you a nice pair of earrings. What you wanted was a romantic pair of earrings - a special gift that proved he loved you.

I mean : well yeah? Obviously? When my dh gives me a gift it absolutely means he loves me and is romantically and uniquely invested in me. That is what gifts between lovers signify.

And what exactly is a gift from your partner supposed to mean?....if not that they care about you??
When my husband gives me a gift, I do think it is because he cares about me and wants me to like it.
Just as I do him...

How strange to think that might not be the case.

If my husband gave me and our daughters the exact same jewelery gift, I certainly wouldn't think that was a special gift for me.
He wouldn't be so dim as to that though.

Most of us would buy the same aftershave for DB as for DP!

DC should not be dictating to a parent when they can marry. If she wants to get married then she should. DC have to accept that. When I re-married I did not mention it to my DC until we had agreed to marry. I then told them when the wedding was. They were happy for me and not at all surprised.
What I am saying is that one should not ask children to make or part-take in adult decisions - this is a burden they are not mature enough to take on or understand.

Grammarnut, it does affect children if they are still dependant. Once they are grown up, it's different, but marrying when you have young children is a tricky business and all feelings have to be taken into account.