Ick of Christmas present from Dp

[DivaORJustified]

Usually Dp give each other a wish list of specific items or vague items like earrings so the other can choose.
Was really happy with the earrings he brought be, they were under stated but very elegant, exactly what I would chose. On Boxing Day when we had his dc under 10, one of his daughters presents was exact same pair of earrings in gold instead of rose gold. Am I right to feel upset about it as it doesn’t feel like a romantic or thoughtful gift anymore. Happy for opinions no matter how harsh. Thank you

What an overreaction on his part.

No comparison

Maybe her friend thought his secretary and his wife were both special ?

Very much agree with this.

I’d be a bit taken aback too. His reaction seems a bit ott, depending on how you broached the situation with him, though tbh I wouldn’t have…

I should think he's hurt by OP making an issue of it - particularly when she loves/d the earrings.

Sure: they are both too reactive.

@W0tnow i was in two minds to broach this but I don’t want the same thing to happen again unless it’s matching socks or pjs, not my main bloody present. I don’t want to be grateful for crumbs in this relationship.

He's probably saying that because you're sounding ungrateful

👏👏

A pair of expensive - and in your words elegant - earrings are not crumbs. Total diva.

Years ago DH gave me a Tiffany's necklace for Christmas. He got his mother the exact same one. I was so horrified I have no idea what happened to the necklace.

Maybe try to view it as being grateful for a gift he didn't have to bother getting you in the first place then? Did his DC have a huff over having the same earrings as you?

Maybe her friend thought his secretary and his wife were both special ?

I'm sure both were but one clearly more special than the other. If he saw them as equally special, the wife has a big problem!

If the child in question here was OP's daughter, I think she'd have felt differently. I think it's difficult for a step parent to swallow the fact the step child is the more special, because there's no real tie. But to the parent the child would always come first. Rightly so.

I take your point, OP. A romantic relationship is miles away from job lot gifts that satisfy “the girls” in a busy man’s life.

I think your phrase “crumbs” indicates a deeper level of dissatisfaction on your part, s sense that you do more for him and are more thoughtful of the special nature of your romantic choice of each other than he is. Maybe he settled too quickly into seeing you as a convenient woman appliance and stopped bothering to be thoughtful?

Unless you're about to start a massive drip feed OP, you are not getting "crumbs"

God, people are a bit harsh, calling the op a brat and ungrateful! If a male friend asked my opinion on giving his 10 year old daughter and his girlfriend exactly the same piece of jewellery, in different shades of gold, I’d gently advise against it. You give your significant other something special. Particularly in the beginning of a relationship.

An intimate gift is exactly that! Something special/personal. Something thoughtful, or unique. As opposed to a t-shirt or a gift voucher, or something generic. Or something that you’ve also bought for your daughter/mother/sister!

The child in my life is way, way more important than my romantic relationship

a bogof?
or an easy decision

But to the parent the child would always come first. Rightly so.

We aren’t talking about who he chooses to save from a shipwreck! It is entirely inappropriate for a man to treat his daughter as though she is a romantic partner with the same gifts and the same intensity as that relationship. It tends towards creation of a competition between the two women and a confusion between the two roles.

A successful adult romantic relationship should be solid, intimate, absorbing, creative, curious, and focused in a way that is totally different from and incommensurable to that of parent/child. No self sacrifice necessary but some intentionality and special quality.

So on top of a specified list from yourself (classy) and flowers, the earrings which he gifted are no longer special enough, even though you like them?

Give the man a break

Sorry OP, I'm not surprised at his reaction. If you want to maintain your relationship perhaps you should apologise for pitting yourself against his daughter.You should be grateful for the gift & feel its actually a thoughtful act which should add to your bond with his daughter not detract from it .

Honestly the people on here. He got you things you want and things you like and it’s still not right.

It's really surprising that some people on here manage to have any sort of relationship.

FFS OP GET A GRIP! I'd be really annoyed if you were my spouse. Trying to get you nice things anfd then you stroping, I wouldn't bother in future.