Ick of Christmas present from Dp

[DivaORJustified]

Usually Dp give each other a wish list of specific items or vague items like earrings so the other can choose.
Was really happy with the earrings he brought be, they were under stated but very elegant, exactly what I would chose. On Boxing Day when we had his dc under 10, one of his daughters presents was exact same pair of earrings in gold instead of rose gold. Am I right to feel upset about it as it doesn’t feel like a romantic or thoughtful gift anymore. Happy for opinions no matter how harsh. Thank you

I can see how it takes the shine off when you'd already attached special meaning to your earrings, but it's not worth dwelling on, and he wasn't to know you'd care. If you want something just for you next time, I'd tell him that. You'd appreciate a gift he chose just for you, and you'd like something that isn't almost the same thing he's giving to someone else—anyone else, including his daughter. That's a reasonable request, though tbh, gift-shopping is tricky. You may well end up with a 'just for you' gift that isn't at all your style, so then you're left to decide which is the more important factor, that you like the item or that he chose it just for you.

Initially I thought YABU, but it is odd that he chose the same for a 9yr old child. I wouldn’t dwell on it though.

I think I get your feelings. It’s lazy in his part and takes away the specialness for both you and his daughter.

This wouldn't bother me at all, but then I don't wear jewellery so maybe I don't really 'get' what jewellery is for.

So actually it would bother me if my DH got me earrings because he knows I don't wear them. 😂 But if he bought me and our daughter the same gift I wouldn't mind at all, assuming it is something we would both like/use.

I think giving the same gift to any two people may be a bad idea.

I remember as a student queueing for an hour to get a couple of books signed as Christmas gifts for my mother & grandmother. The author was someone on TV they both liked, & I thought they'd be thrilled.

Their faces when they both opened them! They each hated the gift I'd taken so much trouble over, simply because I'd given them both the same.

In your case, OP, I think it's additionally a bit odd to give the same item of jewellery to an adult & a child.

yes this is what I am trying to say. He brought dd lots of other large gifts appropriate to her age and so he should. I helped get him more time with his kids by helping him legally but that’s a whole other story as this is mn and all step parents are evil.

He's a man. He knows from your list you like the earrings, so he buys 2 pairs in 2 different colours.

He thinks he's done good, don't crush his dreams.

Edited to say I misread your first post. YANBU. if he'd have bought you a pair, and got the other pair for you from his daughter as I originally thought, that would have been good.

@DivaORJustified if you're that bothered ask him

@Hskatkat I just have

@DivaORJustified And his reply is?

What was his response?

Interesting how people can have different views on this type of situation. On the contrary I would feel it was a very special gift which both my DPs daughter & I could share as given with love to us both. It would also make me feel more bonded with her when chatting about the different colours. I might even suggest if we prefer each others we could swap them.

I'd find it quite sweet to have something a bit special to share with her.

My daughter and I have the same piece of jewellery. Its a nice little bonding thing. Is he trying to bring you and his daughter closer?

You sound quite jealous of your partner's daughter.

Absolutely agree. I would be upset if I was bought same earrings. Doesn’t feel personal

Yep. Blokes don’t think so deeply about stuff like this, in my experience.

I wouldn’t have an issue with this. You like the earrings and describe them as understated and classy. At least it’s not Pandora crap.

A bit weird….but he got you lots of other stuff too so I’d let it pass at the moment. I would have a word at a later date suggesting it’s best not to get matching items for you and dsd.

On the contrary it reminded me of the way carelessness in one area of the relationship can be a sign of trouble that goes deeper.

His answer was that he loved the earrings for me so brought them for his Dd and if his mum wore earrings he’d have got her a pair too.

He said he loves us both and we are both special to him.

Hes not getting my point though his actions were innocent and sweet. It’s just not the way I feel about it, that’s all.

He also told me to throw the earrings away.

Have to disagree. I would feel the same as OP. Why on earth didn’t he buy a different pair for his under ten year old, she shouldn’t be getting the same piece of jewellery as an adult romantic partner (in my opinion).

A jewellery gift to your partner is not (and shouldn’t be) ‘generic’.

I once had to explain to my (fairly dim) friend why it was not OK to buy exactly the same Christmas gift for his wife and his secretary....

Well if your that offended don't keep them.
Give them away

I think you have to agree to disagree on this OP.