To leave over sausage in bread…

[Growingyou]

I hope this isn’t too outing, and hoping for some wise advice.

DH and I are in a very low place. DC1 has critical illness & high needs. The discovery of this came after I was already pregnant with DC2. During 2nd pregnancy I experienced a life threatening illness which has left me with long term side effects (eg I can no longer drive). To the external world I’m positive and functioning exceptionally well, but I may never revert to the super mum, energetic, athletic person I previously was.

DH is angry/exhausted. This is not what he wanted from parenthood or from a partner. It’s all well and good for ‘in sickness and health’, but DC1 and I’s health is proving too much.

For Christmas, my job was tree/decorations/gifts, DH’s was food. DH did not sort out food. We had leftovers. 3 leftover sausages in some almost stale bread. There was no present under the tree from him to me.

I was… hurt. DH asked me that night whether I had a good day. I honestly answered that some of it was fun, but I felt sad that there are never any moments he shows thoughtfulness or care for me. His response was - you’re an adult.

This is obviously tip of the iceberg and lots of small issues that have culminated to now. But I just had this moment of clarity that maybe I just release him from this life he doesn’t want, and release myself from always feeling like I’m not worthy of love.

Children are still very young but maybe that’s a good time to recreate a new life.

He has said he’s open to couple’s counselling but he “knows” the problem will be him.

Would a leftover sausage sandwich be the last straw for you too?

He's being deliberately cruel. He's entitled to feel sad and worried about the fact that life has not turned out as easy and pleasant as he'd like, but he is taking it out on you and punishing you when it's not your fault and when you need and deserve his support.

He sounds depressed as well as angry and exhausted. As do you.
You have 2 children so I would always hope that you can give your marriage a chance by going to counselling. It sounds like he is open to it. Best wishes OP.

What counselling might do is help you plot a path forward given the health complexities and stresses. That path might be a way forward together and give you strategies to work through or a path apart. But given your child's health it might be beneficial as even apart you'll still need to work together.

Seems like he needs help though so I think it's worth it to lighten the load on you.

It doesn't at all sound like he's open to it really. He said he was, but added that he 'knows the problem will be him'. He's saying he's willing, so the OP can't claim he's not trying, but he's shutting down any idea that counselling might be a good idea, by implying he wouldn't get a fair hearing during counselling sessions.

So what , one of them is his child and the other a woman who he supposedly loves . All he had to do was buy some food for Christmas .