Pregnant after two months - keep it?

[BettyOops89]

I'm in a sticky situation and I don't know what to do.

Just found out that I'm pregnant, on Christmas Day.

I've been in my current relationship just two months, but it's the best connection I've ever had and see long term potential with this man.

I'm 36, have no other children and all I've ever wanted is to become a mum. Before this relationship I had spoken about going it alone because I didn't think I'd find anyone.

I've told him but he said the timing is all wrong. He's just finishing his Masters (mature student) and I'm in a secure job but don't earn tons. He's also from abroad on a student visa so pressure is on to find a proper job in the New Year so he can stay.

I think I would have help from family if the worst happened but I also don't want to lose this special relationship if he really doesn't want the baby right now.

What would you do?

I would 100% keep the baby if I had always wanted kids, was 36 and been thinking about going it alone anyway.

you will find a way to make it work.

Yes if you want a baby as you are 36. Asking a forum is not the best way to make such a choice though. X

I agree with the above poster. If you want the baby, keep it. You will regret the other option

I wouldn’t keep the baby. I have been a solo mum from the start due to getting pregnant very early into dating.

Family do not help the way you may expect or they way they offer.

I wouldn’t keep it because I only wanted to have children in a stable relationship.

We aren’t you so you should do whatever you feel is right but make your decision with open eyes knowing you may be bringing a child into the world whose father does not want them and you will have to do all you can ameliorate that.

Keep the baby but you need to be aware and prepared to raise it yourself in case the relationship doesnt work.

It sounds like a no brainer to me. You want to keep this baby.

It isn’t a matter of what a bunch of strangers advise on an online forum - it’s what do YOU want to do? If you have always wanted children, you might regret not keeping this pregnancy and perhaps ending up childless. If you really have a “special relationship” with this man, then I suspect he will come round - but you need to be prepared to go it alone, in case he runs for the hills. You also need to give him plenty of space between now and finishing his Masters - it’s a lot of work and it’s not fair on him to jeopardise it.

Keep the baby. You were thinking of going it alone anyway. You never know when time is not on your side - I went into premature menopause at 39. Luckily I’d had kids in my 20s, but I did not have any kind of warning or indication that it was going to happen. No health issues, nothing.

If you abort now, you won’t feel the same about this special new relationship. So don’t abort to save the relationship as that doesn’t work.

I would keep the baby but be fully prepared to be a single parent. If you were already open to that option then with preparation, you'll be fine.

I'd also keep the baby given your age and that you want one. At 36 it's risky to wait another year or two. The opportunity might not be there then.

Whatever you do , do not abort the baby to keep the man.
If you want the baby that’s all that matters. Keep it.

given your age and the fact that you want DC, I would keep it. But be prepared to be a single parent.

Make decisions on the fact that you will be a single mum.

Don't make decisions either way based on the father.

2 months is nothing and very much the honeymoon phase where you don't know each other and it could all go tits up at any time.

In your situation I would sway towards keeping the pregnancy.

I’d keep it as long as I could cope alone.

I’d have a baby as a single parent.

Whatever you do , do not abort the baby to keep the man.

I very much agree with this.

I'd keep it.

I've been a single parent since ds was 13 months.

A baby in a stable loving relationship with 2 parents who were planning their lives together with their children.

Nothing is guaranteed. And I think if at 36 you want to be a mum then you have what a baby needs - mothers love.

This is good advice

I honestly don't know what I'd do.

Things to consider:
If he is from a different country, what if he was to take the child there and not return, would the law help you? (Shengen?...is that what I'm thinking of).
Child maintenance. He is responsible for this regardless of whether he chooses to be involved as a parent.
How well do you really know this guy to potentially have him in your life for the next 18 years? 2 months is such a short timeframe and you really don't know him at all if he decides to actually be involved.
Maternity leave/future earnings. You say you don't earn tons, so what's the plan for mat leave. Do you have savings to cover the drop in income unless your employer pays enhanced mat pay?

If you do have the child do not name the father on the birth certificate and apply for a passport asap - given he is not a British National you need to protect yourself against any future issues

If you want the baby, keep the baby. Don't ever have an abortion to please a man, especially one you've only known a few weeks!

But be completely clear-eyed about the fact that he may well decide he doesn't want to stick around for any of it.

To you want to be tied to him forever?
Do you want to have to tell your child they don't have a dad and he didn't want them?
Can you do it all alone? Financially, emotionally, physically.
You have to have the final say but I'd be interested to know if he used contraception, thought you were in something or just didn't think. I know it's not. 100% but it is 0% protective if nothing is used so neither can be shocked.

If he didn't want a baby what birth control was he using?
Is he going to be financially responsible and help pay for his child for 18 years?

Please don't say you got pregnant on purpose to try to keep him. Did you discuss birth control together?

Are you going to be happy keeping a baby that may be a reminder of a man who disappears?

I'd talk this over with a counsellor at a centre that offers terminations.

Don't often see such obvious solutions to these posts - keep the baby OP! You were going to do it alone anyway, prior to meeting this guy, so really you're just saving yourself the expense of that process.

Imo - the man's input on these situations should be 'I'll support you, whatever you choose' cos ultimately he's able to just fuckittybye at any point with ZERO impact on his life, not so much as a sleepless night. On that basis I'm wondering if he's as great as you think 🤷🏼‍♀️

Fwiw - I'm pro-choice so not coming from that angle at all (& there will be ppl come at you all doe eyed saying to keep it just cos they are anti-abortion fucknuggets). Just seems so clear what you should do in this situation for you.