Pregnant after two months - keep it?

[BettyOops89]

I'm in a sticky situation and I don't know what to do.

Just found out that I'm pregnant, on Christmas Day.

I've been in my current relationship just two months, but it's the best connection I've ever had and see long term potential with this man.

I'm 36, have no other children and all I've ever wanted is to become a mum. Before this relationship I had spoken about going it alone because I didn't think I'd find anyone.

I've told him but he said the timing is all wrong. He's just finishing his Masters (mature student) and I'm in a secure job but don't earn tons. He's also from abroad on a student visa so pressure is on to find a proper job in the New Year so he can stay.

I think I would have help from family if the worst happened but I also don't want to lose this special relationship if he really doesn't want the baby right now.

What would you do?

Recent posters need to read 'All'.

This is the 2nd child he's 'created' by not using birth control.

No, not necessarily.

As long as you are ok with being a single mum then keep the baby.
Assume you will get nothing from this man and anything you do get will be a bonus.
Either way your relationship is probably over, either you terminate and resent him or you don't and he resents you.
If you were thinking of concieving alone anyway at least hes saved you that hassle

As lots of people have said, the first step is for you to be tested for STIs.

Love, said kindly, your head is all over the place.

I think you ned to be very honest with yourself and maybe start to accept that this baby was 'planned' in so much as you weren't doing anything to stop it happening.

This man has form. He's not coming over as safe bet in any shape or form.
Is he so silly that he was prepared to risk you becoming pregnant when he doesn't have a job and can't even support you or your child?

He already has a child in another country. Whether he will even be able to stay in the UK long term is another matter.

If you go ahead, how will this affect your work?
Will your baby be looked after by family or at a nursery?
Will you be okay with an absent father and your child asking about their father further down the line?

I also think you need to ask yourself why you find such a man so attractive, when his life choices point to being irresponsible.

You don't know him! Two months is nothing.

Someone whose visa is running out in the New Year has you head over heels for them and pregnant after 2 months. If you can’t see that for what it is then no one here will get through to you.

keep and be a great mum to you’re baby x

FFS.

I bloody give up.

She's behaving like a love struck 16 year old. OP and this almost stranger have both behaved very irresponsibly. However I agree with you I wouldn't keep it for the reasons you give.

The baby was to all intents and purposes "planned" by OP. So far as by him? I don't know- is impregnating a naive UK citizen and perhaps marrying her still a ticket to remain in the UK?

If I was you I’d keep the baby. You mention you might regret it breaking your relationship up but don’t you think you may end up very resentful if you decide not to continue the pregnancy and you don’t get another chance later down the line? That may well be a relationship ender too. Imagine if you realise in another 2 months that you’re incompatible, how would you feel then?

I AM pro choice but having been through a termination I can tell you that if having a baby is something you have longed for like you state, then it won’t be easy for you so I would really, really consider what you want before making a decision.

Being a single parent is hard - really hard. I’m sure if you do keep the baby and end up going it alone you WILL have days where you think what have I done and how am I going to keep doing this but those days are far outweighed by the wonderful ones, the lovely ones and the just ok ones! You were considering doing it alone anyway so I’m sure it’s something you’ve already contemplated. I would prefer to know who the dad was personally so I think it’s a win win situation for you. You keep baby and you end up staying together - great, you keep baby and you don’t - well it’s a shame but you have your much wanted baby and the relationship obviously wasn’t meant to be anyway.

My opinion is that no man could ever mean more to me than my child, and if by having her it meant losing him then so be it - even if he was the kindest, richest man in the world who happened to look like like Brad Pitt in fight club - there is no comparison to the love I have for my child. BUT I’m coming at this from an angle where I already know my child, they’re not still at the foetus stage so I’m in no way trying to make you feel bad if not continuing is what you decide. I wouldn’t put him on the birth certificate though. Good luck with whatever path you choose x

And the 5 year old back in his home country.

Keep the baby, you may never get another chance. You want this - you’ll make it work! Just one word of advice: make sure you organise things well from a legal point of view.

My opinion is that no man could ever mean more to me than my child, and if by having her it meant losing him then so be it

I'm pleased you added that this is not yet a baby or a child.

It's a tiny set of cells. Not even a foetus yet. An embryo.

I don't think it's helpful for posters to keep plugging away at 'this could be your last chance'.

The life of the child is the most important thing.
What kind of life would it have? Would it be raised in poverty?
Will it always be wanted?

This is sound advice.

What's more relevant is can the OP survive as a lone parent?
Ignore the man- he's a waste of space.

Completely agree. I would never have chosen to be a lone parent. When I was 36 I earned considerably more than average wage with potential for career development. I still wouldn't have gone solo.

Keep the baby
Bear in mind this relationship has a fifty fifty chance either way

I think this relationship has 0% chance either way.

The life of the child is the most important thing.

And yet you are advocating terminating it

People have no idea when on that quest to get pregnant by the first man when the clock ⏰ is ticking.

Single parenthood is hard, and the child deserves a committed father.

But this one seems rather feckless , not using contraception.

( Op is desperate to get pregnant)

The child as a teenager may want to know about their dad and could well judge such a short term fling.

A baby turns into a questioning adult in the blink of an eye.

Boys especially need good male role models to learn from and look up to.

It's a blessing you may not get another chance x keep it and enjoy your Christmas gift x

Have you not heard of secondary infertility @BettyOops89 ? Just because you've got pregnant now doesn't mean you will again. Having said that, I don't think this man should be the father of your child.

At this stage it’s not a child.

It seems so desperate to grab at the first sperm producer outside of a secure marriage.

Yes, husbands may leave in future , but at least a stable upbringing was planned for.

Some posters on here seem to view having a baby through rose tinted spectacles.

Most babies are a blessing. Some aren't.

That depends on the family , you can't judge everyone on yours !
Some families are hugely supportive , mine included