Pregnant after two months - keep it?

[BettyOops89]

I'm in a sticky situation and I don't know what to do.

Just found out that I'm pregnant, on Christmas Day.

I've been in my current relationship just two months, but it's the best connection I've ever had and see long term potential with this man.

I'm 36, have no other children and all I've ever wanted is to become a mum. Before this relationship I had spoken about going it alone because I didn't think I'd find anyone.

I've told him but he said the timing is all wrong. He's just finishing his Masters (mature student) and I'm in a secure job but don't earn tons. He's also from abroad on a student visa so pressure is on to find a proper job in the New Year so he can stay.

I think I would have help from family if the worst happened but I also don't want to lose this special relationship if he really doesn't want the baby right now.

What would you do?

The father can't "take you to court" to change the name.

Personally I see it as my duty as a mother to ensure as far as possible that my child has a decent and involved father. I’m really shocked at the number of women who don’t see this as a priority and seem to prioritise their own want for a baby over the wellbeing of a future child.

Now of course men should take responsibility and not have unprotected sex if they don’t want to be a father, but I recognise I cannot control that, I can only control my own part in the situation and I don’t think the poor behaviour of men absolves me of any moral duty to give my child a stable family and the best start possible.

I wouldn’t continue a pregnancy with a man if known two months who’s clearly an asshole. I don’t think that would be fair on a future child and continuing the pregnancy would be prioritising my own wants over the child’s needs. At 36 it’s likely the OP still has a good few years to conceive and even using a sperm donor is quite clearly a better potential start for a child than this.

This.

I only read the OP and updates.

if I wanted a baby so much that I was considering going solo, I wouldn’t abort this pregnancy.

I would also think very hard about going solo now, not putting the father on the BC, and not continuing in the relationship, because in those few posts from @BettyOops89 there have been several red flags 🚩 about him. One of which his lack of contraceptive care/ safe sex. He already has a child from not taking precautions! How many more children is he willing to create just to avoid wearing a condom!? And that child could create another red flag. And that the relationship is so short and you see a future- has he been love-bombing, or future faking you?

It's really hard but honestly, I think there is less than 0 chance your relationship will survive if you have a termination. Unfortunately that ship has sailed.

The only question for you is whether or not you want to keep the baby. The relationship is done with either way.

I agree with everything you've written.

@BettyOops89 how old is he?

If you want a baby keep the baby. I conceived first time at 37 and then couldn’t conceive again for three years. I honestly thought I was SO fertile. I was not.

This. It was very clearly in the back of your mind that you wanted a baby, and you weren't using contraception, so....

Your relationship is highly unlikely to work now, so you need to decide whether you want to be a single parent. With minimal support from the father I would expect.

Absolutely right.

This is a selfish woman ''I want a BABY'' {No thoughts about how she will navigate an angry teen who will likely be fatherless.

She leapt on the first available sperm maker..I would bet that she's ''tracking ovulation'' to have sex with a view to getting pregnant, rather than to avoid pregnancy.

She has chosen a man who could well married in Nigeria who had a child already.

He's not keen to produce another human being with OP.

It's basic sperm banditry , with no thought to the child who in 20 years could be insecure with no dad on the scene.

It's desperately immature in my opinion, without thought to the future.

I can understand your worries OP but based on what you have said your 36, want to be a Mum and are considering going solo they are big pros to keeping it. How would you feel if you abort and then the relationship broke down anyway? Then you would have neither. A baby is a big thing but you sound like you would be a lovely Mum. My situation was 4 months in and I felt the same but my Mum was wonderful and supportive. Sadly, that pregnancy ended in a loss and made me certain I wanted children. I struggled to conceive but when I did I was so grateful. Mull it over as the Internet can't decide. I would have a big chat with your Mum about support and who you have around you. But you can do this if you want to 💓

Absolutely keep the baby - you will regret it otherwise. He may or may not work out but you will have this baby by your side regardless. It will be tough, of course, but a lot of 'stable healthy happy' relationships don't withstand children. Go for it! X

This thread is an object lesson in how little thought certain women put into having a child.

Just because you want a baby doesn’t mean you get to have one. It’s shit. But life is often shit.

Conceiving a child with no planning is ridiculous in your late thirties in a brand new relationship with a man from a different country, no residency with another child in the mix.

Fucking ridiculous.

I think people just think 'a baby' but not about it's life to be and of course it's more complicated the more different factors there are. Foreign national other parent, half sibling and how anyone ever looks around at the world and thinks producing any more people is a good idea is beyond me.

Baby is an emotive word and those thinking about 'a lovely baby' are not thinking about it growing up and being a person.

Thanks for all your advice and comments - from the supportive to the judgements, I appreciate and understand all of it.

Just wanted to update and end the thread here. Tonight I've started cramping and spotting so I'm assuming I'm experiencing a chemical pregnancy. I'll test again in a few days and decide where to go from there, but I won't update again. Probably for the best really.

I hope you’re okay OP. Sorry about some of the awful judgemental comments you have received. Very disappointing when women shame other women.

Take care of yourself.

Oh my goodness I’m so sorry to hear that OP. 😢Sending love. ❤️

Just being female does not oblige me to support every bad choice made by another woman.

And yes, I have seen the OP's update. I don't retract any of my comments about the OP's and this man's lack of responsibility.

I don’t know what comments you made specifically, but the OP came here for support not shaming.

you saw the update and decided to come back and write that? No words.

OP, again , I’m so sorry to hear this update. I hope you have some support in real life you can draw on . Take care of yourself ❤️ xx

Your choices are much worse then than anything op has done. Completely disgusting.

Hope you are ok OP. It might be fine - I cramped and spotted in the beginning with some of my DCs. Good luck 💐

You will regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t manage to have a baby after this, you are 36, your fertility is now dropping. What is more important? A very much wanted babies life or a relationship?

Fertility doesn't drop at 36. You are going off church records in 1700s where the sudden decline was because mothers usually died mid 30s hence the explanation for a drop in live births after that date.

Please read the OP's update.

Totally unnecessary. I don’t know what you wrote but it didn't need the spiteful follow up.

@BettyOops89 I’m sorry to read your update and hope everything works out for you 🤞