Oh just F off!!!

[ChicJoker]

first post (long time lurker)
I’ve just about had it with now-ex DP.

I ended the relationship recently for reasons I won’t go into in order to remain neutral. Basically I’ve been unhappy. Tried to end previously a few times and essentially got guilt tripped into continuing the relationship by family’s “oh but he’s such a good man” “oh but he ticks all the boxes” combined with DP upset/sulking.

this fairytale little character that my family (and in fairness, I) had in mind has turned into a petty, bitter, fucking arse. I can’t deal with it. I tried so hard to be friends, maintain health copwrenting relationship, include him, talk as normal etc.

he’s being petty about everything but mostly equity from the house. Basically saying if he’s giving me a percentage of the equity he’s not paying child maintenance. Claims me buying a house is not his problem and therefore doesn’t want to split the equity enough to cover a decent deposit for me.

communication has completely broken down, he’s arsey with me because I can’t stand to be in the house and therefore am making myself scarce as much as possible. We have 1 DS6. Equally he’s not telling me whether he’s coming or going. Went out to visit his DF earlier, called at 5pm to see where he is/what his plans where he told me he was going to make his way home now (2 hours ago and they live around the corner) I was waiting for him to be home with dc so that I could run some errands (too late now). He’s deliberately trying to not communicate with me about very important things. He’s hindered school pick ups a few weeks ago with some stupid actions. He’s dealing with the estate agents and I’m not being told a single thing about it.

house is solely in his name but I’ve been advised if I can prove I’ve contributed to the mortgage im entitled to equity, also that he has to house DC until 18 and as he cannot be resident parent I would have to remain in the family home.

im actually going out of my mind with the 24/7 atmosphere, intensified by the fucking Xmas period where no admin can be done and I can’t get the ball rolling.

how can I stay calm? AIBU to tell him to fuck right off? I’m seeing him in such a different light I just want OUT without being controlled and surveilled! I’ve genuinely been screaming into pillows he’s being such a TWAT.

Dont know who gave you that advice but it isnt correct in England- do you live elsewhere?

Just realised how poorly written the above is! Apologies, I’m texting while absolutely fuming and he’s just now walked through the door. Completely ignored me and took about 5 minutes to acknowledge DS

I’m in England. It’s a solicitor from a well known firm that has given me that advice

Either you have misunderstood the advice or you need to get advice from a different firm that knows what they are talking about. Is the lawyer a friend but one who doesn't practise family law?

No. It’s a large well known firm with a family law department. Their words were

as long as you can prove you’ve been contributing to the mortgage regularly, you’d be entitled to at least what you have put in plus having any work done on the house resulting in gaining equity you would be entitled to split that too. However DP cannot render DC homeless and therefore you would remain in the home.

DP can ask you to leave. It is his house and remains so even if you are able to prove a beneficial interest. Contributing to the mortgage alone is generally not enough to establish this as it would count as rent. If you have paid for significant home improvements then that is different. He may well have an obligation to house his child but he is under no obligation to house you as you aren't married.

I wish your family had advised you not to contribute to a mortgage and have children with a man you’re not married to, rather than push you to get back with him.

The main thing is to get your share of fhe equity.

Child maintenance can be dealt with afterwards. The CMS will garnish his wages if he’s in a PAYE job.

Keep your powder dry for the house equity.

And the OP is entitled to apply to the court for an Occupation Order, and to the CMS for child maintenance.

But the children wouldn't be homeless as he'd have a home.

He's right that your housing isn't his responsibility. And you must have misunderstood what the solicitor said as you'd have no right to remain in a house that isn't yours.

It's called an Occupation Order.

I'd you were not married and the house is in his name this is incorrect and you don't have the right to remain in the home.

You do however have the right to claim a percentage of the equity if you can prove you have contributed. This percentage would depend on how much you contributed and how long you lived there and how long it has increased in value since then.

What have you been paying towards each month? Half the mortgage?

So the the OP has three parallel strings to her bow:

1. Possibility of Occupation Order
2. Beneficial interest in equity
3. Child maintenance

Might account for the DP's being an arse, if he also consulted a legal adviser.

I'm aware. But an occupation order is a temporary arrangement, usually granted for about 6 months to facilitate finding a new home. It wouldn't generally enable someone who isn't on the title deeds to remain in the property long term.

It is also incredibly difficult to prove a financial contribution specific to the mortgage.

This is hilarious. You are entitled to none of HIS house and he has zero obligation to house your child. The only thing he will be made to do is pay maintenance as a percentage of his wage.

To be clear, we have always had a verbal agreement that we would split 60/40. We moved in on completion together 10 years ago (and I recall at the time the solicitor advising him not to do this as I could have a stake in the property). He has said for years he would put my name on the title deeds but never got around to it.

I know my house isn’t “his responsibility” but it is in my opinion disgusting to leave the mother of your child wondering where she’ll live with your son whilst you have all the time in the world, a substantial monthly income, and around the 130k in equity burning holes in your pockets.

Pardon? Are you on glue? He has no obligation to house his son? 😂

Also there are reasons he cannot be the resident parent.

Not in the manner you are implying

I’m sorry but that is so wrong. Been there done that my friend. You might get back what you contributed to the mortgage, if you’re lucky.

I know what you mean but he has zero legal obligation to house you. He can take your son in if you’ve no where to go but he has no legal obligation to house you and him elsewhere.

I'm presuming your legal advice also contained the caveat that he can refuse to play ball, and if he does you'd have to take him to court to try and get something out of him beyond CMS? Can you afford to wait years for a court date? Do you have the funds for a legal battle?

Your best chance of success is to try and reach an amicable agreement with him.

Omg I’ve just read this and I can’t tell you how similar are situations were. Honestly, you’re not getting much out of the sale of that house. Good luck.

Sorry but I’m just shocked that women are still leaving themselves open to this kind of financial insecurity.

What did you think a verbal agreement would achieve when you agreed it?

This is why the legal contract of marriage is crucial. 'verbal agreement' means nothing. It's his property, he can house his son in it.
I can't believe how incorrect that solicitor was! Incredible that they're still employed.

BTW he has an obligation to house his son but no obligation to house you. Unless you can prove to a court he's not suitable to be the resident parent, and the bar for this is rightfully high - then you are on a sticky wicket with this argument.