Oh just F off!!!

[ChicJoker]

first post (long time lurker)
I’ve just about had it with now-ex DP.

I ended the relationship recently for reasons I won’t go into in order to remain neutral. Basically I’ve been unhappy. Tried to end previously a few times and essentially got guilt tripped into continuing the relationship by family’s “oh but he’s such a good man” “oh but he ticks all the boxes” combined with DP upset/sulking.

this fairytale little character that my family (and in fairness, I) had in mind has turned into a petty, bitter, fucking arse. I can’t deal with it. I tried so hard to be friends, maintain health copwrenting relationship, include him, talk as normal etc.

he’s being petty about everything but mostly equity from the house. Basically saying if he’s giving me a percentage of the equity he’s not paying child maintenance. Claims me buying a house is not his problem and therefore doesn’t want to split the equity enough to cover a decent deposit for me.

communication has completely broken down, he’s arsey with me because I can’t stand to be in the house and therefore am making myself scarce as much as possible. We have 1 DS6. Equally he’s not telling me whether he’s coming or going. Went out to visit his DF earlier, called at 5pm to see where he is/what his plans where he told me he was going to make his way home now (2 hours ago and they live around the corner) I was waiting for him to be home with dc so that I could run some errands (too late now). He’s deliberately trying to not communicate with me about very important things. He’s hindered school pick ups a few weeks ago with some stupid actions. He’s dealing with the estate agents and I’m not being told a single thing about it.

house is solely in his name but I’ve been advised if I can prove I’ve contributed to the mortgage im entitled to equity, also that he has to house DC until 18 and as he cannot be resident parent I would have to remain in the family home.

im actually going out of my mind with the 24/7 atmosphere, intensified by the fucking Xmas period where no admin can be done and I can’t get the ball rolling.

how can I stay calm? AIBU to tell him to fuck right off? I’m seeing him in such a different light I just want OUT without being controlled and surveilled! I’ve genuinely been screaming into pillows he’s being such a TWAT.

You’re angry because you’re not getting your way. Bf is not required to make you happy. Start thinking about a way out that doesn’t require his cooperation beyond child maintenance.

The laws have recently changed - It's now no fault divorces with 50/50 split, including anything paid into mortgages and pensions etc

Ask your solicitor to put a matrimonial home rights notice on the property with the land registry and only remove it when a financial settlement has been reached and approved by the court. Don’t remove it before then regardless of what he says. He won’t be able to sell it with that notice registered against it and any buyer solicitor would ask that it be removed either before or following completion of the sale and you would have to sign a form to go to the land registry saying you want the restriction removed. In the meantime gather as much documentation as you can to prove that you contributed towards the mortgage, bills, maintenance etc so he can’t turn around and say you never contributed at all

God this thread is frustrating. And a prime example of a little knowledge being dangerous, with so many people confidently spouting that the OP has no rights. It’s exactly the sort of situation that leads to a claim for a constructive trust. Whether it’s likely to be successful is for the OP’s lawyers to advise on, not anyone else.

This. 100%. THIS is what girls need to be taught by their parents and at school.

She's not married!!

Maybe I've misread this but it sounds like you broke up your family, your own family disagree with what you are doing and now you are whining that your former partner isn't being nice about you ruining his life? Honestly I have every sympathy... for him and his having to put up with you.

They are not married. Therefore divorce laws do not apply.

There are NO matrimonial rights for people who are not married or in a civil partnership. So she can't.

OP isnt married?

Sorry OP I misread the start of your post and read DH and not DP. Ask your solicitor about a trust of land application about the house instead of the home rights notice

I just mean they could be a bit nicer about it. Some people are just so rude for the sake of it.

Yes this is true as long as you have proof of payments towards the home .

Married women in the UK can register their home rights with HM Land Registryto protect their interest .
You’d have to complete a form and send it to the Land Registry. This will register a notice on the register of title of home rights.
Registering home rights can help prevent a partner from selling the home. It also ensures that the interest of the non-owning spouse is considered before the property is sold. For example, financial matters may need to be resolved before the sale can proceed.
Living together without being married or being in a civil partnership means you have little rights around finances, property and children, unless you completed a deed of trust, each made a will or recorded a beneficial interest.
You may still be able to claim a share in the property if you have a beneficial interest, based on contributions made to the purchase of the property or to its improvement and/or the intentions of both when the property was bought. A beneficial interest cannot be acquired merely by living in the property As you are not married you have no long term occupation rights. This is why it is important to establish the existence of a beneficial interest, and where possible protect it by entering a restriction on the land registry title. You will have to prove that, but if you did not complete the forms at the time or if your solicitors have not suggested you register one, then, only the Courts can decide ownership and the % split.

OP has a pretty bad attitude and has got people’s backs up. It is her that is breaking up her family and is stamping her feet because she’s not getting her own way.

As others have said I think your solicitor may have given you some bad advice. My brother and is wife split up and the house was in his name. They had been married 9 years and she was not entitled to stay in the house or have any share in it - which I found appalling. She had to get housing through local social housing. He kept the house while his three kids and she moved out. He does pay maintenance above what he needs to most of the time - but withholds it when she needs teaching a lesson. Splitting up is messy with kids and people can be bloody awful regarding their own children. Please seek as much help and advice as you can.

Your brother‘s wife received very bad advice.
And your brother is a Cunt. I hope you point that out.

I think it’s you that misunderstanding. It drives me mad that people on here are “ armchair experts”. Every case like this is different and there’s no way the op can explain her complete circumstances. If she’s got a good solicitor and he’s advising her, he knows a damn site more than you do, so stop frightening her! It’s completely up to the courts what will or won’t happen!

Yes, marriage is good for women, on a practical level, because it protects them in the event of a split.

This post has gotten derailed by the legal advice you have received and other people giving you their own advice.

listen to your lawyer. Your lawyer knows your individual circumstances and how the law applies to your circumstances.

that also goes to what your husband is saying. Don’t listen to him. He gets no say in what ultimately gets done splitting total marital assets (don’t forget pension) fairly and separate to that is child maintenance. He does not get away from child maintenance if he isn’t custodial parent as you have rightly pointed out.

if he’s yelling you what will be what, he’s just trying to control the narrative. Given is pettiness, not sure what to say to shut him up beats if you say “whatever you say” or simply “whatever” he may turn around and try to say that is agreeing with him. Might be best to say “let’s see what comes about in mediation” or “let’s see what the judge says”.

are parenting apps a thing here? Can you get some type of agreement that this is used for communication about DC so there are no more incidents of confusion between who is doing school run, outings with DC etc.

with him being so petty, do you think he may try to get some type of custody just to avoid paying child maintenance? So as to drive you to take him to court more often, just to be petty and to waste your money on lawyer fees? If so, talk with your lawyer now (well, after new year) in what can be done ahead of time to minimise his pettiness. Effectively try to counteract in advance opportunities of pettiness

right now, try to let these petty actions to roll off your back. He is of course purposefully doing all he can to be difficult. Do what you can to document this, perhaps in text format. Then take screen shots, save to the cloud, so things can’t disappear.

im sure you’ve already changed all your passwords and removed/safeguarded all important documents. Do you also watch your credit report?

things will get ver difficult but eventually you’ll get divorced. He will only be your issue for hand over to an agreed schedule. Yes, he can muck that up but perhaps you can get a third party to volunteer to be a neutral space for hand over. Hopefully not being seen as an ass in front of other people may keep him in check.

best of luck to you.

HR1 doesn’t apply if you’re not married or in a CP. please stop giving incorrect advice.

Check my edit

Have you not read the thread at all? They’re not married, which is where the problem lies as she’s entitled to nothing except child maintenance. No point going on about getting divorced and marital assets.

Sorry, hadn’t got that far, can see that now x

Register matrimonial rights on the house with land registry straight away