Oh just F off!!!

[ChicJoker]

first post (long time lurker)
I’ve just about had it with now-ex DP.

I ended the relationship recently for reasons I won’t go into in order to remain neutral. Basically I’ve been unhappy. Tried to end previously a few times and essentially got guilt tripped into continuing the relationship by family’s “oh but he’s such a good man” “oh but he ticks all the boxes” combined with DP upset/sulking.

this fairytale little character that my family (and in fairness, I) had in mind has turned into a petty, bitter, fucking arse. I can’t deal with it. I tried so hard to be friends, maintain health copwrenting relationship, include him, talk as normal etc.

he’s being petty about everything but mostly equity from the house. Basically saying if he’s giving me a percentage of the equity he’s not paying child maintenance. Claims me buying a house is not his problem and therefore doesn’t want to split the equity enough to cover a decent deposit for me.

communication has completely broken down, he’s arsey with me because I can’t stand to be in the house and therefore am making myself scarce as much as possible. We have 1 DS6. Equally he’s not telling me whether he’s coming or going. Went out to visit his DF earlier, called at 5pm to see where he is/what his plans where he told me he was going to make his way home now (2 hours ago and they live around the corner) I was waiting for him to be home with dc so that I could run some errands (too late now). He’s deliberately trying to not communicate with me about very important things. He’s hindered school pick ups a few weeks ago with some stupid actions. He’s dealing with the estate agents and I’m not being told a single thing about it.

house is solely in his name but I’ve been advised if I can prove I’ve contributed to the mortgage im entitled to equity, also that he has to house DC until 18 and as he cannot be resident parent I would have to remain in the family home.

im actually going out of my mind with the 24/7 atmosphere, intensified by the fucking Xmas period where no admin can be done and I can’t get the ball rolling.

how can I stay calm? AIBU to tell him to fuck right off? I’m seeing him in such a different light I just want OUT without being controlled and surveilled! I’ve genuinely been screaming into pillows he’s being such a TWAT.

Gosh so many legal experts.

OP your time and money is better spent on legal advice. A direct access barrister might be a helpful next step.

She is not married!!!

We aren’t married because he didn’t want to be. I asked for years if it was a possiblity and it was always “maybe one day” it got to a point where we were already “all in” so at the time I thought what’s the point.

Well, your situation is kind of the point, isn’t it?

I do feel very sorry for you, but the advice you have been given sounds bizarre. Have you paid for actual advice from a solicitor or have you just text a pissed friend over Christmas who works for a law firm?!

also that he has to house DC until 18 and as he cannot be resident parent I would have to remain in the family home.

How long do you think you are going to be allowed to remain in a house that you don’t own? Will you expect him to pay for the mortgage and bills (whilst housing himself in a different house) for the next decade as well?!

You might get some equity if you’re lucky, but you’re not going to stay in his home. Hopefully you are working full time and can start looking at housing costs. There are only two of you so should be ok with a flat.

Absolutely. I think he is a complete A’hole. I have no time for the way he treats people - not just his ex. Funny thing is, he always feels he is the victim!

OP, why are you arguing with people that are arguing with a reputable solicitor from a reputable firm? Might as well argue with a cat about taxes.

Oooh good idea.

THEY'RE NOT MARRIED

Why do women think its a mans responsibilty to give them a house when they split, and why do women live with a man when its his mortgage, i had a mortgage it was my home, when we split with a child together i didnt think oh i must give him my house or even half of it...

This question has crossed my mind, too.

If the situation were reversed, no one would be advocating that she give up her house or equity. His prior financial contributions would be classed as rent.

So many illiterate people on MN.

Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw bricks

Ooosh this isn't a great situation. He does have the right to housing and you don't and as a result a court may order that he has primary residency of your child.
This is why women here always say get married before you have children or very quickly afterwards.
What is your work situation? Can you afford to rent somewhere?
Given the legal situation with the house I would leave before he forces you to.

Missing the point twice.

1. She is not married
2. Only 50/50 if need. Needs based. She has good earning and mortgageable situation.

Oh, just seen your income. Take control and find a nice two bedroom place to rent nearby so you can get your life and your head back together

I do make good money however it’s very varied some months can be 15k others 3.5. It’s hard to gauge.

Well, you’ll be fine then. A shame someone with such a good earning potential wasn’t financial savvy enough to know that getting married/name on mortgage was important.

Have you been looking at places to rent on Rightmove over the holiday, @ChicJoker . With comments like this-:im actually going out of my mind with the 24/7 atmosphere, intensified by the fucking Xmas period where no admin can be done and I can’t get the ball rolling. I think it’s best if you find somewhere else to live asap.

Sadly the law is an ass. Good luck but I think you'll get very little, if anything. U less married, or writing, you've not got a strong leg to hold on to.

What do you base the insult to the guys brother on? Because he didn't automatically give his ex his house lol?

For all you know he walked in on her "enjoying" half the football team and then tried to financially ruin him and withhold his kids from him.

Before you go round insulting people maybe engage brain and check facts.

Did you read the part where he pays Child Maintainence except where he feels The need to teach the wife a lesson? That makes him a Cunt, in addition to.

The fact that he has not split the equity /house that he shared for nine years with his wife.
We have no fault divorce in the UK. So the football team, the rugby team or the entire rowing squad is irrelevant. She was entitled to a share of that Property.
I am unfortunately unable to fact check on the basis that this is an Internet forum and therefore we just have to take people at their word. But equally they can completely disregard my calling their brother a Cunt as well. But it happened the poster agreed with me. So all is well that ends well you can go back to your life citizen.

Generally speaking when one pools ones resources to purchase assets, one does expect that they will receive a share of the spoils. And equally would be responsible for the negative equity if it went the other way which obviously it never has in recent years.

The trouble is too many women are hoodwinked into believing it’s a home as opposed to being exactly that, an asset.

They’ll learn.

Lol what a load of nonsense. I'm sure if a woman kicked a man out of HER house you would be calling her a C* unless she sold HER home and paid him off right? Nope because it only goes one way.

As for the child maintenance, if it's court ordered then he would have absolutely no choice as to when and how much he paid which suggests she didnt go through a court which is entirely her own fault. Either she was too lazy too or she knew that she wouldn't get any money for whatever reason. Same for the divorce. In the UK we do have a no fault divorce and yet she STILL didnt get anything.... why do you think that is? Again if you engage brain it would be readily apparent that something smells fishy.

The fact you think that a womans behaviour is completely irrelevant says everything I need to know about you tbh. If a woman cheats, destroys her relationship and jeopardises her kids happiness with her own behaviour apparently the man should immediately sell all of his assets to pay her off 🤣.

And yeah a guy who doesn't like his brother said he was an idiot. After you had already called the guy a C*

Actually the irony of your post is delicious… you’ve again proved a little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing 😂😂

it wouldn’t be a report of another person’s words by a witness, in this context. If the OP gave evidence about it she would be giving evidence on the ex partner words not what a third party said…

But I should clearly give back all my legal qualifications as a random person in the internet clearly knows better…

but thanks for providing us with a laugh this morning 😂😂

I don’t understand why so many people are saying she has no rights because they’re not married and you’re crazy not to be married when in this case surely OPs problem would’ve been resolved not by marriage but simply by being joint owners of the property?

what other factors are impacted by their lack of marriage?

• CMS - children related not marriage related
• maintenance from ex- very rare these days likely never going to happen with OPs earnings
• staying in the house- she’d have to buy him out if they were married, with her earning ability. Same could’ve been achieved by being joint owners

OP- I have so many friends who have been caught out by the “he can’t do 50:50 so I’ll get cms” thing. He CAN do 50:50- the same way women who work full time manage to look after their children. Even working offshore for periods, he can rope in this annoying mother to look after your son, or hire a nanny. You will not be able to decide this isn’t good enough- he can do what he wants on this 50% of time.

I wish posters wouldn’t give legal ‘advice’ with such authority. Same goes for medical advice. 😬

Exactly wait until your fertility window has dried up. It took me until 40 to find someone before that a series of deadend relationships . I am the child of a unmarried separation to this day its a problem he ran off with all the money we were made homeless I found out on the way to court that they weren’t married . We lost our home . It makes me sad to hear that bearing the child and living under the same roof doesn’t count u need the piece that is legally binding forget the romance of flowers and white dresses its a legal binding contract of assets that counts also women moving in with men feathering the nest by decorating it but having nothing legally binding for the payments towards mortgage my mother has a friend doing this on his suggestion she is doing up his house and paying half to live with him no legal documents involved he is literally got her helping him pay off his mortgage now as well as doing the place up 😬my mum told her he knows what he is doing