Husband doesn’t want me working part time even though we can afford it

[ThatFunRubyHelper]

DH and I don’t have children yet. He makes a good salary working full time, and it’s possible for us to live from his salary but I work full time and contribute too.

I would really like to work part time as I want more time to properly clean the house, and spend time making healthy meals for us from scratch. On the weekends I don’t feel like I have enough time to properly rest too. I get tired quite easily and I’m honestly so exhausted from my work, on top of a few hours commute everyday. My DH is pretty energetic so doesn’t have this issue.

I’ve spoken about this to DH and he’s told me that he wants to send me abroad to a country where people work 11 hours a day 6 days a week to see what tired really looks like(then later claims he was joking). So I don’t have much understanding from him!

Am I being unreasonable to want to work part time?

What a horrible man.

Please think carefully about having children with him.

Does he do 50% of the cleaning and cooking, as you're both working full time?

If not, there's your issue and the reason you're tired.

Why would you want to drop to part time reducing your salary and future pension, to cook and clean for him if he doesn't pull his weight?

You're taking the piss, yes?

Why don't you let him work part time so he can look after the house whilst you work full-time to fund it

Yabu to want to work part time.

Make sure chores are split 50/50 and get a cleaner.

YANBU to want to, but your DH is not unreasonable to not want you to either.

LOL

If you can work part time and still proportionally contribute, then why not, but it doesn't sound like you can do this. If your DH was all for it/you had children/ you were happy to be in a financially vulnerable position should he leave etc. then maybe it would be ok. Your DH doesn't sound best impressed though.

Maybe get your health checked out as being this tired is probably a cause for concern.

Hmmm.

How much life and home admin/work does dh do?

If the answer is less than 50% then you have a dh problem not a work life balance problem.

What happens if you go part time and then dh feels he needs to do the same? Can you afford for you both to do it?

YABVU. That's just taking the piss.

Did you move to a longer commute for his sake?

Have you looked at your health to understand if something physical has made you more tired?

These things would help. But fundamentally, asking another person to pay for your lifestyle, or to restrict his lifestyle because you want to lower your joint income, is going to cause problems.

Changing job to somewhere nearer sounds more to the point.

I think yabu because you need to maintain your financial independence as much as you can. It’s so much harder to extricate yourself from an unhappy relationship if you are financially dependent.

Two childless adults should have no problem cooking and cleaning between them.

Seems reasonable to me, but then I work part time too - 4 days a week and then have time to clean, cook and do laundry etc.

It means my Dh doesn't do any of these things and that suits him, so he was more than happy for me to reduce my hours!

His response is pretty horrible but also you’re expecting him to work full time while claiming it’s too tiring for you?

What a complete 🔨

What would you say if he also wanted to work part time?

If you are truly exhausted by a normal work schedule and ordinary chores around the house, I would recommend contacting your GP. You may have a medical issue. Otherwise it seems very odd to want to work part time just to cope with adult life.

Have you always been tired like this? How long has it lasted?

Is this a reverse?

Just get a job that doesn't have a "few hours commute everyday" it will fix all your problems. Working part time won't fix things the way you think, especially if it's an office job because they expect you to still fit a full time job into part time hours.

It's not unreasonable to want to work part time but it's also not unreasonable to not want to have someone financially dependant on you

Get out now girl and don't have his kids, because he will force you to be a working mum

I frequently work overtime unpaid. It can vary any where between 1- 6 hours per week depending on how shattered I am at the end of the working day/if I feel up to working more at the weekends.

You posted this previously. I think you need to change your job rather than go part time, if you do extra hours on top of your normal hours, that won't change by going part time.

Op, be very careful about surrendering your career and your financial freedom to such an unpleasant man.

No matter what you do, you must always be able to afford to walk away and support yourself.