Husband doesn’t want me working part time even though we can afford it

[ThatFunRubyHelper]

DH and I don’t have children yet. He makes a good salary working full time, and it’s possible for us to live from his salary but I work full time and contribute too.

I would really like to work part time as I want more time to properly clean the house, and spend time making healthy meals for us from scratch. On the weekends I don’t feel like I have enough time to properly rest too. I get tired quite easily and I’m honestly so exhausted from my work, on top of a few hours commute everyday. My DH is pretty energetic so doesn’t have this issue.

I’ve spoken about this to DH and he’s told me that he wants to send me abroad to a country where people work 11 hours a day 6 days a week to see what tired really looks like(then later claims he was joking). So I don’t have much understanding from him!

Am I being unreasonable to want to work part time?

If you are tired then get to GP as a simple blood test could help find out the cause.

can you ask employer for some WFH days to avoid long commute.

what does DH do to keep house clean and prep meals. Look at everything that needs doing and work through the list and allocate it along with expectations of how many times it is done. Eg hoovering is X times a week.

stop doing everything and let him pick up the slack. If you are meal planning and shopping then tell him to do it

Nor do I. It does impact the line of work people navigate towards though.

Why do you think there are exceptions such as the man who is a nurse or the woman who is a firefighter? Do you think they have the wrong brains for their sex or do you think they were just influenced by other things more than their brain? Or something else.

I think they are exceptions. No two people have the same brain, so of
you can get effeminate men and butch women. I myself have typically masculine interests.

To be clear I am not saying there is no influence at all in some situations, overbearing parents for instance. I said professions are largely determined by preferences which are determined by our brains.

Potentially. But the guidance we receive does not help. The careers options and talks at my girls school were very different to the boys school.

That's a bit harsh, wasn't his fault that he was furloughed. What did you want him to do, change career in the middle of a pandemic? At a time where nobody was hiring? Sounds like jealousy on your part.

No, not jealousy but it was the final straw

I think some of you are missing the point and making some big assumptions while you're at it.
I can't see any evidence from the OP that her husband expects her to do more than 50% of domestic work. I think the point here is that she wants to do more household stuff - she wants to work less to cook more complex meals and keep her home cleaner than it currently is. Some people do want that life, but it doesn't seem to me to be the result of her partner not pulling his weight. That being said, this is an extremely long thread so I may have missed something.
For me there are a couple of issues here. 1. Bring super tired - poss medical issue? She should get it checked out. It might be that the feeling of tiredness is leading her to believe that a life of part time world and cooking (which might be somethng she enjoys) would be nice. If she sorts her tiredness out - which sounds abnormal to me - she may change her mind.
Or she won't, and she wants a domestic life. Which isn't a problem, if that is what they both signed up to. Lots of people are saying don't have a baby with this man as he won't support her, but there's nothing to indicate that. He married a woman with a full time job. Clearly they haven't discussed her being a housewife. So why would his expectation not be that she works when they don't have kids? When, or if, they do, obviously things change. That was certainly how it worked for me and my husband, because children are a job. So it was fair I stepped back from money making so much to gain a work life balance against domestics.
The issue here therefore is that she wants that balance earlier and he doesn't agree. Did she present it as a medical issue or just that she doesn't want to work so much. Perhaps some better communication here would sort things out!!

OP you say if you go part time your husband won't have to pick up any extra financial responsibility then I think it's reasonable to go part time. I went part time and I'm so much happier for it.

Also, if I did work part time I would not take a penny off my DH. He would not have to pick up any extra financial responsibility because of me.

How does this work in practice?

Surely this is only achievable if you are earning such a high wage that you can reduce your hours from FT to PT and still contribute the exact same amount to mortgage/rent, bills, holidays and other shared expenses. But your OP implies that your DH is the higher earner, is that not the case?

What's the current set up, do you split bills 50/50 or do you each make a contribution proportional to your earnings?

Either way, I don't see how you can say that you going PT wouldn't impact him, either he pays more to make up for you paying less or as a household you have to tighten your belts, unless there's a massive drip feed coming about him being a millionaire or you having a huge inheritance that you can live off forever.

Keep the job, lose the husband.