Husband doesn’t want me working part time even though we can afford it

[ThatFunRubyHelper]

DH and I don’t have children yet. He makes a good salary working full time, and it’s possible for us to live from his salary but I work full time and contribute too.

I would really like to work part time as I want more time to properly clean the house, and spend time making healthy meals for us from scratch. On the weekends I don’t feel like I have enough time to properly rest too. I get tired quite easily and I’m honestly so exhausted from my work, on top of a few hours commute everyday. My DH is pretty energetic so doesn’t have this issue.

I’ve spoken about this to DH and he’s told me that he wants to send me abroad to a country where people work 11 hours a day 6 days a week to see what tired really looks like(then later claims he was joking). So I don’t have much understanding from him!

Am I being unreasonable to want to work part time?

Maybe get a check up with your GP
You should be able to cope with housework and cooking if this is shared equally between you
And perhaps a cleaner ?

Don't be silly.

Exactly this.

Sometimes I think we'd be a happier society with less marital stress if both partners could work 4 days a week.

God forbid 🙄🙄🙄

I would have thought investigating the (potentially medical) cause of the tiredness should be a higher priority than reducing your working hours. It's the very definition of dealing with the symptom and not the cause.

Is he foreign? A foreign nurse, an excellent worker, a very kind woman, had a meltdown at work when somebody told her they were tired. She is doing NHS plus bank in a different trust and feeds scores of people at home. The person who said they were tired were a student nurse in her late 20s, husband, no children, no elderly parents.

We have been institutionalised as a society into thinking we must work as much as feasibly possible or we are lazy, even if we spend the free time such a lifestyle affords us being productive.
It’s ok to feel you want to spend time doing other things - however, you should still be able to contribute proportionately (unless it’s an agreement that you earn less but do more chores etc, which it doesn’t like your husband is agreed with)
He sounds like an arsehole though.

Also, working part-time is the worst idea ever. Your salary will be compared to his full-time salary and NOBODY would take into account your housework. From what he says, he will think house work has zero value. Don't, sister! Just don't! When you divorce him, what will your CV contain when you will want to return to the work place? What will be in your 'running away' account? I think you should both work full-time and contribute equally to housework/children rearing or hire help to do that.

Get a cleaner! Don’t sacrifice your financial independence so you have more time to clean and cook

Sorry but your reasons for wanting to work part time are ridiculous. Could you get a job closer to home if the commute is too much?

And in your spare moments, I imagine you fly over the city fighting crime.

Don't be ridiculous! If you go part time so you can cook healthy meals for both of you, and take over the running of the household for both of you, then of course he should pay. Better yet if you are wanting children, ensure he pulls his weight around the house and pol your money.

I wouldn’t be impressed either if my other half wanted to go part time and live off me.

OP what do you see as your ideal set up when you have children? Would you work part time, or not at all? And have you discussed with your husband what he wants for the future?

Whatever you and your husband wants is fine, stay at home mom's, part time or 50/50 career focused women, all fine but you must both be aligned.

If he wants a wife who works full time, he needs to do equal housework. I don't care if he brings more money in, work should be split based on time. If he refuses, it becomes a source of stress and arguments so I do feel sorry for women striving for 50/50 with men who won't.

Personally I would like to go down to 3.5 days once I (hopefully) have children, because I do more housework and I think it's nuts and unfair women are expected to work full time and do the majority of housework and childcare. Until then I'm trying to do as well at work as possible, and thankfully my husband is on board but I would only do this if financially viable at the time.

For yourself, I'd get a blood test to see if you have any vitamin deficiencies, try get a job with a shorter commute or where you can work from home some days.

@Thepurplepig
what relevance is your straight A kids? did you need a wee boast?

Everyone gets tired while working. You don’t have kids why should he pay for you. Some people are so lazy it’s untrue

Hop over to the thread trending now - Husband wants to separate - see what happens to nice women who sacrifice their careers.

This and if this was a man posting everyone here would be criticising.

That is very true but it sounds as though the op's husband expects her to do all the cooking and cleaning. I've known people work themselves into illness because they do everything. Nobody is on top of their game indefinitely.

My view is that it would be a good idea if they hired a cleaner and any other jobs they shared.

She hasn’t said he expects her to do it all.

Don’t stop working, it is your independence even after you have children.
Working part-time seems to take up more time than you think it will, for less money. Meetings or similar can run into your off hours. Keep working full time and both of you go 50/50 on a good cleaner and eventually on childcare. The money you earn can go into your pension fund, Isa etc. Women’s pay/ pension is rarely the same as a man’s, think of your and eventually your children’s future, you are only thinking short term at the moment.
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This was the wrong place to ask OP. People have different amounts of energy and I don't think it means you're ill because you find your current life tiring.

I'd be very careful. If you have children you're going to be far more exhausted and it sounds as if your H is going to be very unsympathetic. I don't see how this relationship can work.

You want to faff & fill time with pt work whilst he’s the primary earner. Yup you’re a lazy chancer No wonder he’s not having it

i know in the banking industry or law etc in London it can be 10 hrs etc a day, but even then its not a race to the bottom of who can work more hours, i agree i did a stint of 10/11 hours a day due to travelling and working hours but personally at the moment im considering parttime hours to give me more flexibility, as when i was full time its not enough hours in the day