Husband doesn’t want me working part time even though we can afford it

[ThatFunRubyHelper]

DH and I don’t have children yet. He makes a good salary working full time, and it’s possible for us to live from his salary but I work full time and contribute too.

I would really like to work part time as I want more time to properly clean the house, and spend time making healthy meals for us from scratch. On the weekends I don’t feel like I have enough time to properly rest too. I get tired quite easily and I’m honestly so exhausted from my work, on top of a few hours commute everyday. My DH is pretty energetic so doesn’t have this issue.

I’ve spoken about this to DH and he’s told me that he wants to send me abroad to a country where people work 11 hours a day 6 days a week to see what tired really looks like(then later claims he was joking). So I don’t have much understanding from him!

Am I being unreasonable to want to work part time?

The only way he would be in the right is if he takes on 50% of running the house OP.

If he doesn't then it's time for a chat about splitting the load so you get some rest. He has a choice.

I'd also mull over having kids as your workload would probably increase when you go back to work.

Or suggest he goes part time so he can pick up more house stuff. A sweeter deal working full time imo.

This post cometely nails it.

Don't even think of having children with this man unless, or until, you are 100% confident he will pull his weight on all childcare and domestic matters.

Or does he think he big man earning lots of money and you should be happy running around after him doing the domestic drudge as well as working FT?

Working PT will only weaken your position and make you more reliant on him.

I get tired quite easily and I’m honestly so exhausted
Have you had your iron levels checked?

Well it depends. You work part time cook and clean fine.

You work full time and share housework 50/50. Also fine.

Money 50/50 either way!

Have you thought through the long term finances for you...eg effect on your pension?

Ed sp

If you don't have kids then no you should both work full time. Then split the cooking and cleaning or split the cooking and get a cleaner. You can't expect him to work full time while you work a lot less to flit about the house instead.

totally unreasonable in the absence of DC. I can understand why DH wouldn't want to fund this lifestyle choice. You are two adults. there should be plenty of time to take care of cooking and cleaning. How would you think you'd manage with DC. Also, have you considered the long term impact on career, pensions etc?

Do not put yourself at such a disadvantage with a man who threatens you!.

I would get your thyroid checked also OP.

I think you ABU. 2 grown up adults shouldn't be making a mess that requires someone to work part time to sort.

It sounds like you really dislike your job. I would change it - don't drop your hours, keep your independence and ability to earn going.

What are you currently doing every evening and weekend?

Also, it's a lot of pressure for someone to be the main breadwinner and keep covering the bills. I'd be a bit annoyed if my husband put me in this position without good reason.

This is a joke right ?

I would find it so unattractive if DH wanted to work part time and live off my salary before we had kids because he was too tired to make a salad after work.

First thing to do is contact your GP to make sure nothing is physically off (low iron will make you feel exhausted but there are other things to check as well).
Secondly, do you and DP share the house work 50/50? If not, that's what making you tired so he will have to either step up or let you work part time to compensate.

How far are you commuting for ot to e a few hours a day? I suspect this might be part of why you're so knackered. Also does he do 50/50 round the house?

It sounds like the "few hours commute everyday" is the problem, and not the full time job.
Another job closer to home might be preferable?

Even if you are doing all of it (which I hope you aren't) I'm struggling to see how much housework 2 adults can generate.

I think working part time is quite unusual unless you have DC or are close to retirement age.

Having said that I think your DH is being very unsympathetic about your tiredness levels. I think a lot of men don't understand how tired women can get. At certain times of the month I feel totally wiped out...my dh isn't mean about it but I think he absolutely doesn't understand that I'm genuinely shattered in a way I can't control.

Fwiw,.if you're both working full time you should both be doing equal household chores...so you definitely shouldn't be doing more than him.

I keep telling dh i want to be a stay at home dog mum while ds is at school 🤣 but I know i should contribute too and we have more spare money so I work.

Also, maybe see the GP. your level of tiredness doesn't sound normal.

YABU because it sounds very much like you’re expecting to continue your existing lifestyle- I.e make him fund your part time hours. It sounds like he’d much prefer you to continue to bring a decent wage in than do this. I have some sympathy- my partner semi- retired last year and it keeps me awake having most of the financial pressure on me. He’s worked for 40 years but if he’d said he was wanting to go part time to cook from scratch and do the cleaning when he was young, fit and healthy I would have been appalled.

If you’re exhausted living just a normal life without kids I agree- go and see your gp
as you might have a thyroid issue or low iron. Otherwise most people would quite like what you’re suggesting but most people also can’t afford it- we share chores, batch cook, clean on the weekend to an adequate standard and yes we are often knackered. But we don’t expect someone else to subsidise our leisure.

How long is your commute?

unless theres more to this i think UABU . Do you have a disability or caring responsibilities on top of normal cooking / cleaning and working ?

In assuming one person working part time would affect your joint life style ? Id say yous need to both work full time and share the cooking and cleaning . With no kids yous have all evening and weekends to do the house work and what ever else you want .

How could you use some of your full time earnings to help achieve your goals of deep cleaning the house and eating healthier / less processed meals?

Or if you think this is harsh you have to make a joint decision to downsize your life: smaller house, fewer/ no holidays, no luxuries to accommodate part time working. You can’t expect to work less and just carry on as before.

I had to go part time working the vape counter at asda to avoid temptation 🙈

best decision i ever made after divorcing my husbands😹

I think YABU, my view is probably skewed though as I manage to work full time, be a completely lone parent and also keep my house clean and cook dinners with no outside help. If you can't do that without any children and another adult in the house you're doing something wrong.

This is a joke. My house is spotless and I cook from scratch 7 days a week. I run two businesses and have two straight A kids who go to a variety of activities.

If you can’t manage that you need to see the dr. You are either exhausted because you aren’t looking after yourself properly or there is something else going on. You can’t possibly be tired on what you do.

Team DH on this one I’m afraid

Do you have some sort of disability or chronic illness?

If not I'm struggling to see why you can't manage normal life around work. Do you want kids? If you need to be part time to look after yourself you'd need full time employees to deal with kids.

I agree with your DH and don't really see why you think he should carry you. Get a cleaner.